Season 7 Press Releases

[dontcloseyoureyes]

Complete Nobody Adds Two Cents

Queensland assistant coach Daniel Smith had few words to say when asked about Kent Head Coach Stephen Burke.

"I don't know who spiked what when how and why, or if it even happened, but lets be honest, who doesn't like a good drink, huh?" he said playfully. "In fact, I'd like to go out on the town with Burkey, seems like he knows how to party." When asked what he thought of the bickering going between WCC managers, Smith had very few words - "Burkey knows Mr. T, he ain't takin' no guff."

 

[superkingdave]

Burke in Karaoke Shocker

Locals who frequent the Old Locomotive in Canterbury were left choking on their mild this weekend when Kent manager Stephen Burke turned up to the weekly Karaoke night. Burke reportedly grabbed the microphone and shouted his way through renditions of the Talking Heads classic 'Road to Nowhere' and Lesley Gore's 'It's my party.'

Respite came when the landlord pulled the plug on Burkes microphone, but with Burke refusing to leave the stage until he was allowed to sing 'My heart will go on', the landlord was left with no choice but to abandon the festivities.

The Old Locomotive is the third pub from which Burke has been barred since his arrival.

 

[Slats4ever]

Province New One Day Wonder

Round 4 of the draft saw Western Province once again get their number one draft pick. Hamish White is being touted as many as being the one to turn around Western Province's One Day performances. Manager Ian Markus couldn't hide his delight saying "we're over the moon that Hamish is joining us, he was without doubt the most accomplished One Day batsman left in the draft".

Hamish looks set to find his way into a strengthening Western Province middle order along with other new recruits such as Ardley and Evans.

 

[andyc]

Mashonaland Secure Beasley

Mashonaland manager Andrew Cameron was today seen walking around town with a large smile on his face. When asked about this- as smiling is generally looked down upon in Mugabe's Zimbabwe- he replied that he had just picked up one day batsman James Beasley in the fourth round of the draft. When asked further, Cameron stated that "Beasley will slot right into the one day team, where he, Quentin [Oulton] and Quinn [Roll] will be the keys of our batting line-up. Myself and the management team were very surprised to get James, as he was our first pick from number 11 on the draft."

When Cameron was asked to comment upon the state of disgraced Kent manager Stephen Burke, he had some reconciliatory words for the new manager. "He's obviously going through a bad stage in his life, and I think the pressure of being a rookie amongst some much more experienced managers has got to him. I have received an apology from him for his behaviour on the night of the campaign launch, which was accepted. Although it probably should be noted that the letter did smell suspiciously of alcohol and cheap perfume. Hopefully he can get back on his feet for the season, because looking at the state of his team, he's going to need to be in pretty good health if he wants to actually do anything with his players."

Cameron went on to say that rookie and opening batsman for Mashonaland, Quentin Oulton, was still fuming at Burke for his past attempts to start a fight with Cameron. "He has told me that the next time he sees him [Burke], he hopes he has a cricket bat handy."

 

[Simon]

from what ive heard Andy, the way Oulton has been batting in the nets Burke is about the only thing he could hit at the moment...

 

[vic_orthdox]

McNamara Accepts Fault

At a press conference today, Jack McNamara accepted full responsibility for Stephen Burke's behaviour at the Season Launch last week.

"It shames me to say that I gave Stephen an extra sugar in his coffee that night, and after speaking to a doctor, that is what set him off. I wasn't aware of the full extent of Steven's medical problems, and I desperately hope that they don't stop him from dedicating as much time as possible to his Kent side, because they'll probably need it."

When further questioned about what he knew of Burke's condition, Jack said "I categorically deny that it is an STD - Stephen only uses mobile phones, so STD charges don't apply. However, nor is it gonorrhea. But in all seriousness, that sort of thing is for Stephen to reveal at an appropriate junction."

Jack then went on to say, "He has a very low tolerance to glucose".

 

[Simon]

WCC MANAGER SET TO BE SACKED

Gus Gould - well respected by Cloete

Reports this afternoon from India that Tamil Nadu manager Andrew Cloete is set to exit the struggling club. Reports of the impending shake up started when high profile and "well respected" Rugby League mentor Phil "Gus" Gould was seen at a local airport with club officials.

Tamil Nadu club officials are refusing to confirm or deny these reports however the evidence overwhelming, TN board members are reportedly unimpressed with their current manager, their main concern is the lack of respect that he brings to the club. One board member had this to say "Andrew is a fine cricketing manager, however he has a long way to go when it comes to putting his best foot forward and representing the club."

While this will come as a shock to many its not hard to see why the board are expected to make this announcement anytime now, it's well known that Gould has a large supporter base in India and what he brings to the club is a winning culture. Andrew Cloete has always been a vocal supporter of Gould, he even went so far as to say, "Gould is the greatest person on the face of the planet."

Cloete's love of the Sydney Roosters has finally come back to bite him, after many great years of loyal service to the club it appears his days are numbered.

More later.

 

[Burpey]

It's spelt Stephen ffs, Jack.

 

[Cloete]

WCC MANAGER SET TO BE SACKED

Gus Gould - well respected by Cloete

Reports this afternoon from India that Tamil Nadu manager Andrew Cloete is set to exit the struggling club. Reports of the impending shake up started when high profile and "well respected" Rugby League mentor Phil "Gus" Gould was seen at a local airport with club officials.

Tamil Nadu club officials are refusing to confirm or deny these reports however the evidence overwhelming, TN board members are reportedly unimpressed with their current manager, their main concern is the lack of respect that he brings to the club. One board member had this to say "Andrew is a fine cricketing manager, however he has a long way to go when it comes to putting his best foot forward and representing the club."

While this will come as a shock to many its not hard to see why the board are expected to make this announcement anytime now, it's well known that Gould has a large supporter base in India and what he brings to the club is a winning culture. Andrew Cloete has always been a vocal supporter of Gould, he even went so far as to say, "Gould is the greatest person on the face of the planet."

Cloete's love of the Sydney Roosters has finally come back to bite him, after many great years of loyal service to the club it appears his days are numbered.

More later.

Any news source that mentions me liking the Roosters, let alone Gould, is clearly an untrustworthy one.

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

QLD Assistant Coach likes to talk.

Looking like a house had fallen on his head, Daniel Smith arrived at Queensland team training with a large coffee and few words to say to the awaiting press.

"Yes, we're definately happy with the new addition to our rosters in Remmington." he mumbled as he walked gingerly through the gates. "He'll definately take a spot in the FC side if he can perform as his records suggests he can."

Smith had little more to add to his previous statements endorsing the drinking habits of Kent Head Coach Stephen Burke."I've said all that I need to on that matter." was the last heard as he stumbled slowly into the sheds.

 

[The Baconator]

Tasmania staying realistic

Too lazy to attend himself, Tasmania manager Alex Crampton paid an actor to attend a press conference in Hobart.

The actor, who remained anonymous, said: "We at Tasmania are happy with how things are going so far, we feel we are building a strong squad. Our sides our shaping up nicely."

When asked about Tasmnaia's chances he remained realistic, saying :" We know we don't have the strongest side in the competition, but we feel we're good enough and have good team spirit. Let's see how things go."

Reporters asked the actor about Tasmania's lack of a 2nd XI manager, to which he replied: "We know we don't have one, and onbisouly this is not an ideal situation, but Alex told me he definitely hasn't been approaching hobos on the streets of Hobart with the intention of offering them the job."

 

[Slats4ever]

Too lazy to attend himself, Tasmania manager Alex Crampton paid an actor to attend a press conference in Hobart.

The actor, who remained anonymous, said: "We at Tasmania are happy with how things are going so far, we feel we are building a strong squad. Our sides our shaping up nicely."

When asked about Tasmnaia's chances he remained realistic, saying :" We know we don't have the strongest side in the competition, but we feel we're good enough and have good team spirit. Let's see how things go."

Reporters asked the actor about Tasmania's lack of a 2nd XI manager, to which he replied: "We know we don't have one, and onbisouly this is not an ideal situation, but Alex told me he definitely hasn't been approaching hobos on the streets of Hobart with the intention of offering them the job."

hehe!!! i reckon those smelly hobos would make a great coach of tasmania!! just go to beaconsfield. that's where all the tassy's are hanging out

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

Another day, another press conference.

At todays press conference, Daniel Smith talked about the prospects of their new draft pick.

"The OD middle-order is looking stronger and stronger with each day. All the batsmen are hitting the ball well in the nets, and with their records to date you'd hope we are amoung the best sides in our Division" he said. "Niazi is a very talented batsman, he's fluent in his strokeplay and hits the ball hard. He'll fit in well over here." he added.

Again asked about the absence of the Head Coach, Smith once again gave no direct comment. "Like I've said before, he's had some things to deal with lately and has been handling them. It's not like he hasn't been at training, he's been here as much as he can, and he's been in control of the draft signings. He's still firmly at the helm of the Club."

 

[superkingdave]

Lancashire signings drinking to success

Lancashire coach Dave Richards enjoyed a pint of mild at the Ape and Apple as he introduced the new signings to the Northern life. All 5 of the new signings were present as well as several of the close season Rookie signings.

Ahmed Nawab, an exciting off-spinner, and Raees Amjad, fast bowler and hard hitting one day batsman, were on the Orange juice, planning to run back to the ground afterwards and get some more time in the nets.

Matching their manager drink for drink were Ziggy Siggins, likley to take the gloves in the one day format, and Hector Midlane, the seasoned Aussie batsman. They will need to keep up the practise if they are to drink at the same table as Maurice Aronstam and Andy Anderton, the club's heaviest drinkers.

Youngsters Albus Freeman, Terry Truscott, Mick Crawford and Zach Harris were mixing their pints of lager with Tequila shots, their last night of freedom before the season preparations start in earnest. Freeman is the great hope of the side, his incisive and accurate pace bowling has already drawn the admiration of many former players. Harris and Crawford may have to be content with places in the seconds, Truscott looks likely to make the first team with his cultured left handed batting.

Yanick Engineer, who's pace bowling might earn a first team spot, was seen on the alcopops.

Three more newcomers are expected in the coming days and they will be going straight into training.

 

[Cloete]

Lancashire signings drinking to success

Lancashire coach Dave Richards enjoyed a pint of mild at the Ape and Apple as he introduced the new signings to the Northern life. All 5 of the new signings were present as well as several of the close season Rookie signings.

Ahmed Nawab, an exciting off-spinner, and Raees Amjad, fast bowler and hard hitting one day batsman, were on the Orange juice, planning to run back to the ground afterwards and get some more time in the nets.

Matching their manager drink for drink were Ziggy Siggins, likley to take the gloves in the one day format, and Hector Midlane, the seasoned Aussie batsman. They will need to keep up the practise if they are to drink at the same table as Maurice Aronstam and Andy Anderton, the club's heaviest drinkers.

Youngsters Albus Freeman, Terry Truscott, Mick Crawford and Zach Harris were mixing their pints of lager with Tequila shots, their last night of freedom before the season preparations start in earnest. Freeman is the great hope of the side, his incisive and accurate pace bowling has already drawn the admiration of many former players. Harris and Crawford may have to be content with places in the seconds, Truscott looks likely to make the first team with his cultured left handed batting.

Yanick Engineer, who's pace bowling might earn a first team spot, was seen on the alcopops.

Three more newcomers are expected in the coming days and they will be going straight into training.

It was Andrew Nawab

 

[Matteh]

After the acquisition of I Aamer in the lastest draft round, Karachi are pleased to announce that they now have the minimum three keepers needed to participate in this league. Karachi are now looking to gain the services of the other players of quality left in the draft, in order to create a squad capable of winning consistently in both forms of the game.

 

[NZTailender]

More internationals join Yorkshire

Yorkshire today announced that Lou Vincent, the New Zealand One Day International opener and sometimes test batsman has joined the squad as 3rd keeper, although he will be first choice for the first class side, leaving South African international Mark Boucher as the first choice keeper for the Yorkshire Second XI in both forms.

It is not clear whether Vincent will open the batting.
"Lou feels he bats better down the order, but his experience would be of tremendous value to us at the top, partnering Graeme (Smith). We certainly haven't ruled that option out" said Manager, Greg Thomas.

Yorkshire also announced their very latest signing, Michael Vandort.
"We're very pleased to have Michael with us. He's a very talented player and will slot into our one day side" he enthused.

Vandort, from Sri Lanka, has played 4 Tests at an average of 68 and a single One Day International in which he scored 48 runs. This is the 8th International Test or ODI player that Yorkshire have signed.

"We're very excited about the new season!"

 

[andyc]

It is not clear whether Vincent will open the batting.
"Lou feels he bats better down the order, but his experience would be of tremendous value to us at the top, partnering Graeme (Smith). We certainly haven't ruled that option out" said Manager, Greg Thomas.

 

[NZTailender]

I felt like signing it Greg Bracewell...

 

[Jamee999]

Surrey today held a press conference with Round 5 and Round 6 draft picks, Upul Chandana and James Hamblin. The 2 allrounders will be performing mainly in the OD and FC forms respectively.

As a keeper, Dilshan had been drafted in Round 4, the Surrey lineup has very few holes, and will really be looking for solid backup in the final rounds.