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*Official* CW XI Media Coverage

vic_orthdox

Global Moderator
Lou Rowan dies of heart attack
Lou Rowan was found dead today in his nursing home. A number of causes have been floated for his death. Head of Cardio at CWLand hospital, Dr. Feelgood, said that there was little they could do to save the old man, and work was being done to discover the cause of death.

"We know that his mobile phone, which was given to him by his 14 year old grand-daughter, was running hot after his comments about the Australian cricket side, and we believe that the signal may have caused his pacemaker to malfunction."

Many relatives expressed concern about the spotlight in which Rowan put himself under by making comments to the press.

Feelgood continued, "Although found in Rowan's hands was the article quoting Claude Makelele. One theory doing the rounds is that the shock of such a spray caused him to seize up - just like he tended to do when anyone appealed loudly at him when he was umpiring in the early 12th century..."

We did ask Rowan's granddaughter whether she felt solely responsible for her grandfather's death, but she refused to comment. Obviously has something to hide.

More to come, later.
 

Robertinho

Cricketer Of The Year
Claude Makelele found in possession of hundreds of phones

The hard-hitting, heart attack inducing journalist Claude Makelele has been found to have hundreds of mobile phones in his possession, all mysteriously low on credit after being topped up with the "TXT Bundle" the previous night.

On the phones, it's rumoured there's only one contact, and only one message in the Outbox - 'You will pay'

In completely unrelated news, it's believed Lou Rowan's death was infact caused by a pace maker malfunction due to a bombardment of text messages on his phone, all reading 'You will pay'
 

vic_orthdox

Global Moderator
Vodafone and Optus battle to sign Claude Makelele

As Claude Makelele heads to court on charges of manslaughter, and bringing the use of mobile phones into disrepute, Vodafone and Optus are in a bidding war to sponsor Makelele. More to come, later.
 

Robertinho

Cricketer Of The Year
vic_orthdox said:
Vodafone and Optus battle to sign Claude Makelele

As Claude Makelele heads to court on charges of manslaughter, and bringing the use of mobile phones into disrepute, Vodafone and Optus are in a bidding war to sponsor Makelele. More to come, later.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

ohhhh I love it
 

Robertinho

Cricketer Of The Year
Makelele signs 3-year deal with Virgin
In what was a highly publicised event, Richard Branson was there in person to secure the lucrative signing of the new face of Virgin, Claude Makelele.

"We believe this is a step in the right direction for Virgin," Branson said, "We'll also be offering the Makelele Bundle, which allows for 2 minutes of calls and 58,000 SMS's."

More to come.
 

Nate

You'll Never Walk Alone
Horse & Hound
Classic Matches: CW Red vs CW Blue OD - 3rd October
by Abhinav Shankar

Thrilling-run chases. Close victories. Despair and defeat. Old-timers, new-stars. Season Nine of the Cricket Web Development League Season was arguably the best yet, with five teams participating, all of them wanting to be the best. There were some classic encounters, and Horse & Hound is there to re-live some exceptional matches, that had other nations looking in awe at the immense talent in the Webhead state system.


CW Red vs CW Blue OD - 3rd October
Red - Stedman, Bennett, Markus, Dauth, Dobson, Gray, Langley, Borcich, Cameron, Watt(c), Edmunds
Blue - Cribb, Fitzsimmons, de Silva, Fuller(c), Crampton, Jellett, Currie, Halsey, Collins, Demeza, Patrick

As the half-way stage of the season was arriving, Cricket Web Blue were streaming ahead in the rankings as Cricket Web Red were slipping fast. Internationals had hurt the Reds side, as many of their players left for the big stage. This left Dave Watt in charge and his captaincy had been inspiring in past games. The Red batting line-up wasn`t hugely affected, with the talent of Stedman, Markus and Dauth and Kenny Dobson was in spectacular form. But the bowling line-up was severely depleted and easily the weak point of the team. Blue still had most of their players and were short-priced favourites to take this one.

Blue lost the toss, and Red elected to bat first at home on a decent deck. The start couldn`t have been any worse. In only the third over, Demeza got Stedman with a shorter one that went straight to `keeper Jellett. Next over, Bennett was plumb in front of middle and off to a Patrick special and the score was 12/2. But the next 20-odd overs were something very special. Markus and Dauth put on a 141-run partnership in good time, with superb running, placement and sheer power. Where Markus was solid, Dauth was outstanding, picking off all the bowlers at will. It wasn`t until over 27.4 where Patrick had Markus caught and bowled that Blue looked to have any chance of keeping the total below 300. At 153/3, Dobson kept the run-rate ticking, giving the strike to Dauth where possible. In the 36th over, Robert Dauth stole a single of Currie and brought up his century off only 99 balls, as the stadium errupted. It was a magnificent knock, one of the finest in OD history, against good bowling. But when Dauth departed for 119 off 120, the Red`s innings self-destructed with a mix of poor running and superb death bowling. Apart from Borcich`s 6, nothing else went the Red`s way as their innings came to a close on 269/8.

Cricket Web Red 269/8 off 50 (Dauth 119, Markus 57, Dobson 33)

A reasonably large target, but with the Red`s young bowling attack, it shouldn`t have been too much of a problem. Blue`s tactic was clear - keep early wickets and then go after the attack later in the innings. They started steadily until Cribb found Bennett at cover off Nick Borcich. Nick and Dave Watt were bowling exceptionally well, keeping the runs at a minimum as Fitzsimmons was content to block and leave. The CW Oval crowd were getting frustrated at the cricket and cheered immensely as Fitzsimmons departed for 28 off 64 walking across his stumps and behind found out LBW. Many of the Blue players now tried to lift the run-rate, and although making starts, eventually found the fielders off the bowling, and a much needed big partnership couldn`t be established.
Captain Fuller was striking them well until an amazing diving take at deep mid-on from Watt and then Jellett did the same as Cameron took a beauty. But the biggest wicket came when Watt bowled a beautiful leg-cutter which the dangerous Crampton edged to Dauth at gully. Blue were 182/5 after 38 overs and in deep trouble.
Halsey and Collins staged a late comeback as Collins hit a six off his first ball of Borcich and then another off him later on. There were 14 runs needed off the last over and Blue were looking like a chance. Watt the captain bravely stepped up, and his first four deliveries were beauties. Only three runs came off them and 11 were needed from 2. The Red players and crowd were already celebrating loudly as Watt ran in for his fifth... as Collins made room and hit it hard! The ball sailed towards midwicket... for four. Seven needed off the last ball and six for the tie. Watt set his field, then charged in as Collins swung and swung hard! He connected magnificently and the ball went straight and far... but was fielded inches inside the rope by Stedman. In frustration, Collins immediately walked towards the dressing rooms, taking only a single. And Halsey was left in the centre, by himself. Alone.

Cricket Web Blue 264/7 off 50 (Fuller 60, Jellett 37, Crampton 34, Edmunds 3/46)

Cricket Web Red had won this match with enthusiasm, good tight bowling and with the leadership of stand-in captain Watt. But the player with the biggest grin on his face was Robert Dauth, who played one of the greatest innings that Cricket Web Land had ever witnessed. Blue had underestimated the Red side, and come off second best.

Cricket Web Red 269/8 off 50
Cricket Web Blue 264/7 off 50

Cricket Web Red won by 5 runs.
 
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Mr Mxyzptlk

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Dauth is "dead weight"

Derbyshire bowler Nick Walker has criticized team-mate Rob Dauth's poor performances as the club's overseas pro. Speaking candidly at a training session before the third day of the recently completed County match against Surrey, Walker called Dauth "dead weight within the team".

Since Dauth joined the club at the start of the season, Derbyshire has lost six consecutive matches. The Webhead batsman averages just 27.33 in the time and is yet to register a century in twelve innings. Walker suggested that Dauth is not technically competent enough to perform in County cricket.

"He (Dauth) just doesn't seem up to it. (He) cost a lot of money and just isn't performing. He's really a negative influence on the team on the whole," said Walker, whose unbeaten 52 (74 balls) batting at number eleven against Surrey comfortably outscored Dauth. "Can't bat, won't bowl, he can field a bit I suppose," Walker added.

Dauth's struggles have largely come outside the offstump, as he has been caught behind the wicket (the wicketkeeper or slip cordon) on nine occasions in ten trips to the crease. Commenting on the situation, Derbyshire coach Mark Alleyne said, "Rob's had a few problems with the moving ball. He's hitting them well in the nets, but he isn't coping well with the real deal in the middle. We're trying to sort things out, but it's really up to him if he has the desire and competence to get it done."

Alleyne refused to comment on the wisdom of Dauth's signing to the club. "That's the job of the money handlers. I don't work with him on that level," he said.

Derbyshire's other overseas player, Jacques Rudolph averaged 25.08 in County matches this season. Dauth has scored 27 more FC runs.
 

Robertinho

Cricketer Of The Year
Dauth acknowledges underperforming

Derbyshire batsman Rob Dauth has acknowledged teammate Nick Walker's claims that he's been struggling recently.

"I have definitely been underperforming," Dauth admitted, "and I have been a deadweight so far in the longer form of the game. I've been training twice as hard in the nets for twice as long, but I'm struggling to find form." Dauth, after hitting two half centuries in his first 2 games, has managed starts but failed to go on since, slumping to a mere 328 runs at an average of 27.33.

"It's been tough but I've been doing everything right, I've just been unlucky. I hope that my one day form has shown I am able to perform at this level, and I'm trying my hardest to repay the faith Derbyshire have had in me," Dauth said. In one dayers, Dauth has hit 215 runs at 43.00, with one century.

"Train harder. Other than that, I don't know what else I can do," Dauth said when asked what he would do to pull himself out of his slump. "I want to help Derbyshire win, and I just hope that I can help turn the team's fortunes around."

Editor's Note - The One Day average featured previously was due to a miscalculation by one of our multiple visually impaired statisticians. Give them a chance you heartless mongrels.
 
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Mr Mxyzptlk

Request Your Custom Title Now!
Letter to the Editor:

Dear Editor,
I'm a single guy living in Adelaide and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've got a lot of time on my hands. I'd just like to complain about the disgusting miseducation of the masses in the latest article you printed regarding Mr. Rob Dauth.

It was claimed that he averages 52.25 in OD cricket in England this season. Having calculated, recalculated, shuffled and recalculated the statistics, I can state categorically that he averages 43.

Yours truly,
Herb Saget

PS - Love me please.
 

Robertinho

Cricketer Of The Year
Mr Mxyzptlk said:
Letter to the Editor:

Dear Editor,
I'm a single guy living in Adelaide and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've got a lot of time on my hands. I'd just like to complain about the disgusting miseducation of the masses in the latest article you printed regarding Mr. Rob Dauth.

It was claimed that he averages 52.25 in OD cricket in England this season. Having calculated, recalculated, shuffled and recalculated the statistics, I can state categorically that he averages 43.

Yours truly,
Herb Saget

PS - Love me please.
:laugh:

Ok, how many games/innings have I played? I've only recorded 4
 

Robertinho

Cricketer Of The Year
Well, that's all fixed. Thank God we've got that out of the way... embarrassing saga for (some dodgy English newspaper).
 

Mr Mxyzptlk

Request Your Custom Title Now!
"It doesn't stop it from hurting"
An exclusive interview with discarded Test opener Pete Young.
Kwase Knight

With the Test touring party to the West Indies having been named, there are a couple of surprises, and as many new names in the frame. Peter Young, who participated in the last 11 Test matches for the Cricket Web XI, now finds himself firmly out of favour.

"My feelings could be summed up by a sense of immense disappointment mixed with the reality that I haven't really been producing the goods when it matters," said Young, "I expected changes after performances in previous series and add in the calls from certain senior members of the establishment for change for improvements and it shouldn't be a surprise."

It is instead Thamba Mamesh who will get a chance to shine against the might of the West Indies. The uncapped batsman, with just a season of domestic cricket and an A tour behind him, has seemingly displaced Young as the selectors look to turn around the Test fortunes of Cricket Web.

"It doesn't stop it from hurting," said Young, "You're only as good as your last performance and my recent efforts have not been up to scratch so there is a justification for changes." He further mused on the inclusion of Mamesh, "It's a gamble on behalf of the selectors, no doubt."

Captain Brendon Goff leads the Webheads on another tour, despite an average of just over 30 and an atrocious captaincy record.

"As you mention, it's not like I've been the worst for a long extended period and I can't help but feel a little aggrieved that I've been ditched when others within the side possibly haven't been performing either," Young commented, "I don't doubt the talent of Brendon and what he brings to the side. A stable leadership to the side is critical to any chances of continued improvements."

Young was pensive on thoughts of captaincy though. He affirmed that he believes Goff to be the best man for the captaincy at the moment, but did not shy away from praising the character of Neil Pickup - "I have played on the same side as Neil many times and have enjoyed most of them, I'd have to go Pickup but you have to respect both of them for their cricketing talents."

In a controversial move, Young further insinuated Pickup to be better than Warne, whom he likened to Marmite.

Even more controversially, Young tackled the issue of allrounder Liam Camps jr., the son of co-Chairman of the CWBCC and Panel convenor, Liam Camps. "As much as I would like to say nepotism is rife in the system, performances point to the contrary," he said, "While not being consistently dynamite at either discipline, Liam manages to come up with the goods and has made the first all-rounder spot his own in my belief." Marc Robbins is yet to comment.
 

marc71178

Eyes not spreadsheets
Robbins backs Camps

After media speculation, Marc Robbins has come out on the side of CW all-rounder Liam Camps.

"For the past few years I've advocated his selection on many an occasion before he got his rightful call back into the side", said the Reds ex-skipper.

"He was scoring runs and taking wickets at great levels and for me that made him an automatic pick for the side"

"The thing about the pair of us is that we work well together and it's very rare to see a game go by where neither of us make a contribution, which is why we can both fit into the XI so well"

When questioned about the forthcoming WI tour, Robbins was optimistic: "I must admit to being disappointed with my recent form for Durham, and the tour will mean I won't get to the 1000 runs season, but I'd like to think that overall it's been a successful period, certainly my best figures to date, which I fully expect to carry on against a side that we should beat with the talent in the squad"

"Some bold moves have been made in selecting the likes of Mamesh, but he's already shown in our 2 Reds nets so far that he's got the ability to go as far as he wants to, the only shame being that such a huge transfer may see him unavailable for the captain who moved heaven and earth to sign him - but deep down I think all our loyalties are with the International side, and I firmly believe that this could be the season where the bridesmaid tag is well and truly shaken off"
 

Mr Mxyzptlk

Request Your Custom Title Now!
"I know I'm a good leader"
An exclusive interview with leading CW XI wicket-taker Neil Pickup.
Kwase Knight

In the wake of Peter Young's endorsement of Neil Pickup as a leader, the man himself has come out to the press with unashamed statements. "I think the facts are on the table for all to see," he said, "My decision making when Brendon has been absent for the CWXI has been generally good. I know I'm a good leader, and I enjoy leading."

Pickup was quick expand, however, asserting that current captain Brendon Goff is a good option. "Brendon is the CWXI captain and he has, as he always has done, my unqualified support," he said.

Never free from criticism, Neil Pickup has constantly been under the spotlight for his distinctly ordinary Test bowling average of 33.99. "I don't believe that any front-line bowler can ever be genuinely happy with an average above 30," he said, "I've not taken as many large hauls as I would like - sometimes I don't get the length of spell I feel a spinner ought to bowl - and catches have gone down, but they're excuses that can apply to the whole team."

In general the standards have been very low for the Webheads in the field, epitomized by the word done behind the stumps. "I've tried keeping wicket myself. It can be a horrendously difficult proposition at times, and anyone capable of doing it to First Class standard, let alone Test level, deserves respect," said Pickup on the proficiency and qualifications of Håkon Mørk with the gloves. Comparisons were later made between Mørk and Young and Pickup's preference. He added, "Gimme a bagel, teacake, pitta or breadbun everytime."

On the subject of Young's sacking, Pickup was plain - "It's not really that much of a surprise. While he does have over 2000 Test runs, there's still no century. And in 75 digs, that has to be a worry." "I'm probably a safer bet in terms of a steady marital partner," he added later.

Neil Pickup is firmly focused on the future now, however. "I'm looking forward to bowling at Lara - after seeing the way he has destroyed the greatest spinners alive, he will be a great challenge," he said, "I think I'm capable of causing the rest of the batting line-up great problems, though. Especially Tino Best - so long as he doesn't take my legs off with his backswing."

Commenting on his batting, "There's not a man alive who rates me as a batsman, but I take pride in working hard on it - everyone has to bat - and during my stint at Essex the youngest boy who has bowled me has been 14, far older than last time around!"

Pickup was later questioned about his work ethic and infamous on-field behaviour. "If I knew what you were on about I'd be able to answer," he said.
 

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