Back in the sanctuary of my office, after what has been a bank holiday here in the UK, and another bloody school half-term! What do we pay our taxes for? I ask, if it's not to employ teachers to peace-keep our offspring while we're in work or otherwise occupied with Battrick-related duties? My mate is a teacher, and literally dissolved into a gibbering puddle of nervous tension before my very eyes in my livingroom last night, because of the stress of exams! I did remind him that it was meant to be the kids sitting them, but my sage observation appeared to fall on deaf ears. Well, if you can't handle the pressure, then move over and let me have your frigging fourteen weeks of holidays each year, I'm sure I could cope with that kind'a stress! Teachers! - They should all be hung in the streets and horse-whipped until their coffee-breath is fresh and their Guardians fall out of their briefcases!
Oh, and one more point before I move on to something which actually has anything to do with Battrick, but Andy, I doubt you realise just how funny your YP's name, Greg Dyke, is for me. Not only does he contain a passing reference to lesbianism, which has got to be a good thing, it is also the name of the erstwhile Director General of the BBC - and therefore, very indirectly my former boss! I have half a mind to buy him just so I can give him ten stamina nets a week for a while!
Right, I digress! Paddy, I'm ninety percent on your offer of a Friendly in NZ this weekend, my friendly cup doesn't start until the week after, but my only concern is how much it's going to cost me to fly my team half way around the world, does anyone know? I wouldn't normally be such a penny-pincher, it's just that I haven't received the cash for my Cup match on Sunday - Cash which I'd already spent on Saturday, in improving my academy from Resp to Sup. So unfortunately I find myself in a financial predicament somewhat akin to Vodafone!
And what a waste of time the Academy improvements were in any case! After the builders had shipped out, I found myself able to unleash 35 ITS on a youth of my choice, except the one I chose appears to have been in a persistent vegetative state! After receiving 12 Bowling, 12 Cons, 3 Batting, 4 Stam and 4 Fielding, he ended up as:
CODE
Ryan Rogers (817305)
gfx/sc
RH Batsman, RH Spin Bowler,
respectable
batting form,
competent
bowling form,
fresh
A
steady
player with
superb
leadership skills and
abysmal
experience.
Table with 2 columns and 6 rows
Plays For:
Cymru Gurgitaters
Nationality:
England
Age:
18 Years Old
Battrick Rating:
3,520 (+146)
Wages:
£411 p/w
*
table end
Table with 4 columns and 4 rows
Stamina:
woeful
Wicket Keeping:
feeble
Batting:
woeful
Concentration:
feeble
Bowling:
mediocre
Consistency:
mediocre
Fielding:
Woeful
/CODE
And I've just realised that allowing my fiancé to administer the ITS was a bad idea, as it appears that he's 18yo rather than 17yo, so I could actually have used another 4/5 ITS on him if I'd realised - Not that they'd have made a great deal of difference! Listed anyway for £20K if anyone's interested.
Had a good stab at my Div III Cup opponents on Sunday, but eventually went down in a blaze of glory. Won the toss and restricted Yorkshire For Ever to 287/2 - Not the most penetrative display, with Edworthy the only bowler to claim a wicket, but at least everyone was economic enough to give me a fighting chance of chasing it down. The bowling figures were quite strange actually. Despite the fact that my attack contained a Strong, a Prof, a Resp a Comp and a Med, four of them returned stats within seven runs of each other, ranging from 1/54 to 0/61 - Bridges M being the only stand-out contributor, with 10/0/35/0.
Should have been within my grasp, but Staveley was the only person who ever got to grips with the chase, as he was last man out for 125 (137). Greening threatened to help Staveley in a trouble-free pursuit, as the opening pair added 76 in 14 overs, before a rush of blood saw him snared on the mid-wicket boundary for 27. Noon showed glimpses that one day he may be able to compete on this stage, but not yet. Although his scratchy 29 (46) did at least keep The Gurs in the hunt, sharing in a 69 run stand for the second wicket. But the wheels began to come off around half way through the innings, just when Staveley had brought his side up with the rate. Patel went for 9, and Carless 1, (which may hasten his departure from the side*), so it was left to a star of the future to give the home side hope. The much maligned Jordan Bennett has taken a while to settle in the first team, but is to-date, still the only long-term prospect to emerge from the academy under the new system, and he has seized with both hands the opportunity created by Dunfield's departure. With Staveley beginning to flag, Bennett not only stemmed the haemorrhage of wickets, he also took up the mantle of Aggressor-In-Chief, lambasting 38 from just 30 deliveries, and guided The Gurs from a precarious 168/4 after 37 to a promising 238/5, only five overs from home. But alas, there was to be no repeat of the previous week's lower-order heroics, as Bennett's demise proved the catalyst for a Indonesian-style collapse of 5 wickets for 12 runs in 15 balls, to leave us shell-shocked and eventually well beaten on 250 A/O in 47.3.
I was reasonably pleased with that effort, until that is, I realised that GFIing had munched three levels out of my team fitness, despite TIEing on Friday only raising it one level! But I was even more aggrieved when I saw the ratings, I was robbed!!!
CODE
Reporter's Summary
*
Cymru Gurgitaters
Yorkshire Forever!
Top Order:
respectable
proficient
Middle Order:
competent
mediocre
Lower Order:
abysmal
abysmal
Seam Bowling:
competent
competent
Spin Bowling:
strong
respectable
Fielding:
feeble
abysmal
/Code
And finally your homework! The final bowling position in my team is being contested by two Comps, an RF and a LH spinner. Both have Feeb Stam, and the RF has Med Cons, as opposed to the spinner's Woe. My match on Friday is on a Green pitch, so not much contest there, Crick the RF gets the nod every time. But at home I have a Dusty pitch, so my question is, does the advantage a Dusty pitch will give the spinner, outweigh the inferior Cons? Plus I'm guessing that Feeb Stam goes a lot further on a spinner than it does on an RF? Once my fitness is a bit higher than Low I'll probably play the pair of them and rest Bewers or Bridges M, but for the time being I need to resolve this dilemma.
Later, Trev