We had a call from THE BOARD, that a hasty meeting will be held within one hour. We wondered what it could be about. Could it be about our secret PROJECT “WIN THAT TOSS” ?
We were soon to find out that we were correct in our prediction, when one top-gun from THE BOARD arrived , lets call him X.
X dropped the bombshell on us immediately, - ‘the intelligent coin has to be ready in 48-hours , that is Tuesday evening”.
We told him that it was impossible, we done the testing, but not able to counter the Wind Effect as yet It works perfectly, but if the wind as an external factor takes over then the code looses control….”.
“F*** the wind, just get it ready “ X growled. “We have prepared the pitch just the way we want it, but do you know it will be like shooting ourselves in the leg , if we don’t get that toss. Any idea what could happen if WE bat last? He asked.
Some shuddered at the prospect. Agent Fine Leg , she was almost in tears.
“Same old excuse from you guys for last 3 matches. So get it ready NOW, we are flipping it at Wankhede”, X barked, before slipping away into the darkness.
So we got to work, secretly we were thrilled at the prospect of testing it in real time. So what is the Intelligent Coin, you would ask. In simple terms it is Remotedly Activated Voice Recognition and Action Coin. The RAVRAC.
Still puzzled, OK microchip embedded in the coin , with a program that recognizes the voice and actions the flips according to whose voice it is - Ponting or Dravid. Of course if Ponting, it does opposite of what he called, if Dravids voice, then it does exactly what he called. The Remote Action Control box is tiny enough to be slipped into Dravid’s blazer pocket, which he will activate just before the call.
I cannot give out details of the whole code as it is very lengthy, anyway to give you an idea it goes like this – (although written in C++, I have dusted out my COBOL code book and written it down the same in more-understandable COBOL code )
IF VOICE = “Ponting_voice” AND VOICE_CONTENT = “tails” AND
COIN_SIDE_ON_THUMB_NAIL = “heads”
THEN
PERFORM FLIPS-ON-UPWARD-ROUTE 12 TIMES UNTIL
COIN-SIDE-FACING-MOON = “heads”
PERFORM FLIPS-ON-DOWNWARD-ROUTE 6 TIMES UNTIL
COIN-SIDE-FACING-GROUND = “tails”
**Remark** The following code is taking care of the wind-factor, which we are testing
IF COIN-SIDE-FACING-MOON = VOICE_CONTENT
THEN
PERFORM FLIP-IMMEDIATE 1 TIME
GO TO END-PROGRAM.
There will be much more code for various other combinations of voice and voice content. Another part of code will look like this:
IF VOICE = “Dravid_voice” AND VOICE_CONTENT = “heads” AND
COIN_SIDE_ON_THUMB_NAIL = “tails”
THEN
PERFORM FLIPS-ON-UPWARD-ROUTE 11 TIMES UNTIL
COIN-SIDE-FACING-MOON = “tails”
PERFORM FLIPS-ON-DOWNWARD-ROUTE 7 TIMES UNTIL
COIN-SIDE-FACING-GROUND = “tails”
**Remark** The following code is taking care of the wind-factor, which we are testing IF COIN-SIDE-FACING-MOON NOT = VOICE_CONTENT
THEN
PERFORM FLIP-IMMEDIATE 1 TIME
GO TO END-PROGRAM.
IMHO a lot of his lashing out at the pitch is because of his abysmal record against spin. Especially in India. In fact, the top order of Australia was out not to any 'bad-pitch' effects (Kasprowicz was e.g.,) but just shoddy batting. Look at the replay of Pontings wicket - it was a clueless shot.
Did you write that?
