Not the most original thing you'll ever read but I was feeling a little bored. I sent them this, hope they get back to me tomorrow:
To whom it may concern,
In light of some poor performances over a period of three years now, I would like to offer my services to Peter Moores and the team in an advisory capacity. I believe with my passion, drive and selectorial expertise I can help England to regain the Ashes and become the world's undisputed champions in all formats of the game.
If it was up to me, England would play the following line-up, I am sure this will help you make your mind up:
Cook+
Strauss*
Anderson
Broad
Pietersen
Hick
Ramprakash
Flintoff
Gough
Sidebottom
Panesar
As you can see, this is a well-balanced line-up. It mixes youth (Broad, Cook, Anderson) with experience (Gough, Flintoff, Hick, Ramprakash) and contains one true all-rounder (Anderson), a bowling all-rounder (Flintoff) and Stuart Broad is useful for a few fill-in overs. If the pitch is a greentop we can replace Panesar with an extra batsman for true depth.
To further enhance my selectorial brilliance, I would like to tell you some tales of my time on the International Cricket Captain series. On the 2005 version I led Kent to the County Championship with players that I developed from a young age. Then on the 2006 version I outdid Duncan Fletcher and Andrew Flintoff by comfortably retaining the Ashes in Australia (3-0). On my most recent game I have only played one season in which I led Somerset to the second division title in spite of not winning a game until the 9th round.
Just in case all this hadn't helped you to make up your mind, I already own replicas of both the Test and One-day shirts and would be happy to wear these in my official capacity. I will not, though, under any circumstances be seen wearing the Twenty20 kit as it looks somewhat like a Liverpool shirt and I am a Tranmere Rovers supporters.
I eagerly anticipate your reply and the commencement of my duties. I have some committments this weekend but am happy to rearrange them for the inevitable press conference that will follow my appointment.
Thanks
Martyn Corrin