You know we're going badly when the Poms start recycling the jokes we've made about them for years
Good to see the Aussies in fancy dress on the 4th and 5th days of the tests… dressed as plastic seats.
Clarke wanted to captain the Australians very badly. And now he has done that.
Breaking News.....The ICC are investigating worrying reports of irregular betting patterns during the 5th Test at Sydney. Some people backed Australia
Australia still has world class spinners. There's the redback, the funnel web...
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Which Aussie cricket spent the most time at the crease? Whoever ironed the cricket whites
What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball
Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? They haven't got any openers
What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman
What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne? A waiter
What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer? Retired
What do you call an Aussie holding a six inch urn above his head? The England bowling coach
What is the definaition of optimism? An Aussie batsman with suncream on
How do you help an Aussie Cricket getting 100 runs by his name? Give him the ball to bowl
What does the Aussie wicketkeeper and Michael Jackson have in common? They both wear gloves for no apparent reason
English Batsman: Knock, knock.
Australian Wicketkeeper : Who’s there?
English batsman: It’s still me.
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Ricky Ponting had just gone out to bat when his wife rang.When told “He’ll have to call you back, he’s just gone out to bat.”, she replied “No problem, I’ll hold.”
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the
lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow
into this breathalyser tube."
The man immediately reaches into his pocket and produces a doctors note. On
it is written, "This man suffers from terrible asthma, please don't make him
perform any action that'll leave him short of breath."
The officer says, "Okay, I need you to come and give a blood sample.
Straight away, them man produces another letter. This one reads, "This man
is a haemophiliac , please do not cause him to bleed in
any way."
So the officer says, "Right, I need a urine sample, then."
The man produces a third letter: "This man plays for the Aussie Cricket
Team, please don't take the piss out of him.
A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a Parramatta, NSW courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.