Ladies and Gentleman of the CW press, thank you for your attendance here today, and without further ado it's with great pleasure that I can introduce you to The Cymru Gurgitaters' record £120,000 signing, Neale Patel.
Neale Patel (314162)
RH Batsman, RM Bowler,
superb
batting form,
superb
bowling form,
sublime
A
steady
player with
superb
leadership skills and
abysmal
experience.
Table with 2 columns and 6 rows
Plays For:
Cymru Gurgitaters
Nationality:
Australia
Age:
19 Years Old
Battrick Rating:
8,257
Wages:
£888 p/w
*
table end
Table with 4 columns and 4 rows
Stamina:
woeful
Wicket Keeping:
woeful
Batting:
respectable
Concentration:
mediocre
Bowling:
abysmal
Consistency:
mediocre
Fielding:
competent
table end
Neale joins us from NSW side Ockers in Australia's Division Four. In his brief career to-date he's already proven himself to be a combative middle-order batsman, an accomplished fielder and, more importantly, a born leader of men. He goes straight into the 'Gur's starting XI for Friday's home match against Nottinghamshire, where he'll bat No.4 and captain the team on his debut.
As chairman of the club I've always placed equal importance between success on the field, and financial sustainability and prosperity. With that in mind, the decision to smash our transfer record by £45,000 wasn't one I took lightly. But we firmly believe that Neale's unique combination of skills can help to establish us as a force in IV.44 this term, providing us with the ideal platform from which to spearhead our promotion push in Season 4. But ultimately our success or failure rests in the hands of you, our supporters. The best way to push the club forward and attract more big name signings like Neale in the future is to show your support via the turnstiles. So I look forward to seeing as many of you as possible on Friday to give Neale a customary Welsh welcome from a ten and a half thousand strong capacity crowd.
Seriously guys, do you think that this was a good signing or what? I know you can never really describe £120k as a bargain, but there were four key factors which attracted me to him:
A. He was incredible value for money compared with comparable players on the transfer market. I could probably have got him for even less - When I left work last night he was only on £75k with just under an hour to go, but I was out on the lash, so I bid £120 to try and make sure of getting him in my absence.
B. He offers the right balance between an instant fix to my lamentable batting performances, and prospects for future development. I'm well aware that he doesn't have the boundless potential of a 17yo, but according to Scaly's pay scale, the upper band for a Resp/Woe/Abs is £941, so at 19yo, with wages of £888, he will soon be hitting Prof, and may even go on to Strong if I have a net available for him next season. There are 17yo Resps going for at least a hundred grand more, who have W-less Stam and Conc and would be absolutely useless to me in the short term.
C. His leadership skills trump my current captain.
D. He's comfortably my best fielder.
I know I've got work to do on his Stam, but all in all I'm feeling pretty smug and pleased with myself - So come on, here's your chance to p*ss on my chips!
Two more V. quick questions before I go, I. Does training in batting and fitness have any beneficial effects on secondaries? II. Does one fielding net on its own do much good for secondaries? Or do you have to use it in conjunction with a primary net?
Later, Trev