Nate
You'll Never Walk Alone
Not sure why I feel compelled to embrace my sorrows...
Why Australia's Squad will bomb out of the World Cup
Ricky Ponting - Coming back from an injury. Was in horrendous form all summer, looked scratchy despite the scores in the warm-ups. Pushing way too hard at the ball. FAILURE
Michael Clarke - Still hasn't corrected his technique and footwork. Gets stuck between occupying the crease and belting everything. Will run-out himself and a team-mate. At least once. Will probably make runs at some point to kill my life. MEH
Doug Bollinger - Y so tired? Can't seem to sustain his pace throughout a game. Has invaluable experience in India. Will pick up key wickets while going for runs. MEH
Callum Ferguson - Lost his penis in the backyard. Will make runs though. SUCCESS
Brad Haddin - Australia's funny man will make a bunch of low scores and have one or two successes, struggling early on. Will be flawless behind the stumps. MEH
John Hastings - Relatively untested. Canny with his cutters. Don't think he'll be horrible, but he won't pick up many wickets and will most likely be dropped after the World Cup. FAILURE
Dave Hussey - Would rather have Precambrian in the middle order. What a stupid selection. Can bowl offies though, my bad. FAILURE
Mitchell Johnson - Spare me. Offers nothing on Indian wickets. Had a terrible summer. Will somehow gun it the entire tournament. SUCCESS
Jason Krejza - Has all the tools to succeed in the spinner's role. Key will be consistency and changes of pace. By all reports is a bit of a knob. May well prove me wrong. But won't. FAILURE
Brett Lee - Will be the only good thing about our World Cup. Please don't get injured Brett. Or I'll injure you. SUCCESS
Tim Paine - Nerves will get the better of him I reckon. Will get caught on the crease and edge a few behind. FAILURE
Steve Smith - The opposite of Paine. Backs himself, won't get scared on the big occasion. Will make quick runs, take wickets, field like Rhodes and make passionate love to TumTum's sister. SUCCESS
Shaun Tait - What a muppet. Can't bowl in India. Might pwn an associate n00b or two. Will withdraw from the tournament halfway through with menstruation issues. FAILURE
Shane Watson - Is it too much to ask him to carry us again? Think it's time for him to fail unfortunately. His bowling will be ineffective in Indian conditions. MEH
Cameron White - Reckon he'll come up with the goods. Could well be our leading run-scorer. Can't go worse than when he played as a specialist bowler frbs. SUCCESS
Verdict - Will scrape our way through to the semis before finally being eliminated. It will be a World Cup to forget for Australia, with massive questions asked about Ricky Ponting's place in the Australian Team.
Why Australia's Squad will bomb out of the World Cup
Ricky Ponting - Coming back from an injury. Was in horrendous form all summer, looked scratchy despite the scores in the warm-ups. Pushing way too hard at the ball. FAILURE
Michael Clarke - Still hasn't corrected his technique and footwork. Gets stuck between occupying the crease and belting everything. Will run-out himself and a team-mate. At least once. Will probably make runs at some point to kill my life. MEH
Doug Bollinger - Y so tired? Can't seem to sustain his pace throughout a game. Has invaluable experience in India. Will pick up key wickets while going for runs. MEH
Callum Ferguson - Lost his penis in the backyard. Will make runs though. SUCCESS
Brad Haddin - Australia's funny man will make a bunch of low scores and have one or two successes, struggling early on. Will be flawless behind the stumps. MEH
John Hastings - Relatively untested. Canny with his cutters. Don't think he'll be horrible, but he won't pick up many wickets and will most likely be dropped after the World Cup. FAILURE
Dave Hussey - Would rather have Precambrian in the middle order. What a stupid selection. Can bowl offies though, my bad. FAILURE
Mitchell Johnson - Spare me. Offers nothing on Indian wickets. Had a terrible summer. Will somehow gun it the entire tournament. SUCCESS
Jason Krejza - Has all the tools to succeed in the spinner's role. Key will be consistency and changes of pace. By all reports is a bit of a knob. May well prove me wrong. But won't. FAILURE
Brett Lee - Will be the only good thing about our World Cup. Please don't get injured Brett. Or I'll injure you. SUCCESS
Tim Paine - Nerves will get the better of him I reckon. Will get caught on the crease and edge a few behind. FAILURE
Steve Smith - The opposite of Paine. Backs himself, won't get scared on the big occasion. Will make quick runs, take wickets, field like Rhodes and make passionate love to TumTum's sister. SUCCESS
Shaun Tait - What a muppet. Can't bowl in India. Might pwn an associate n00b or two. Will withdraw from the tournament halfway through with menstruation issues. FAILURE
Shane Watson - Is it too much to ask him to carry us again? Think it's time for him to fail unfortunately. His bowling will be ineffective in Indian conditions. MEH
Cameron White - Reckon he'll come up with the goods. Could well be our leading run-scorer. Can't go worse than when he played as a specialist bowler frbs. SUCCESS
Verdict - Will scrape our way through to the semis before finally being eliminated. It will be a World Cup to forget for Australia, with massive questions asked about Ricky Ponting's place in the Australian Team.
Last edited: