World Cup 2010

[Uppercut]

Crouch has a head like a fifty pence piece; for all his limitations, Email is a better foil for Whine.

And he can't move, so you have to land the ball right on his head for him to be any use. Heskey can fight for it a bit, chase it down the wings, use his strength to win the ball. Same reason that Dider Drogba's a better target man than Crouch really. Although Drogba's by far the best at it in the world.

 

[Scaly piscine]

...and over and over and over and over and over and over...

 

[Uppercut]

England giving an exhibition in how to lose the ball. Over and over and over and over and over and over...

Scaly giving an exhibition in whining like a dog even though England are winning. Over and over...

...and over and over and over and over and over and over...

... and over and over and over...

 

[Scaly piscine]

Because playing rank garbage against a team worse than Croatia is the ideal 3-4 games before the World Cup.

 

[Scaly piscine]

Finally a decent replay, in off the bottom of Crouch's boot.

 

[Uppercut]

Belarus's goal against England in the reverse fixture was one of the best passing goals I've ever seen. Better than Cambiasso's against Serbia. If Brazil had scored that goal people would still be creaming over it now.

 

[Scaly piscine]

They've some technical ability, but any good team would brush Belarus aside.

 

[Uppercut]

Which is what you're doing, really. Performances like these are exactly how Chelsea under Mourinho won all their titles.

 

[BoyBrumby]

Anyway, we're missing the evening's big news: Croatia are out. Ha. How'd you like them apples, Bilic, you shiny suited, earring-bound ponce?

 

[grecian]

Funniest MOtM nomination ever?!?!

 

[Magrat Garlick]

Europe scores (with Norwegian country names in the tables because I'm lazy)

Group 1

Denmark 0-1 Hungary (Danes to embarrass Europe collectively by flunking a piss-easy group in SA)
Portugal 4-0 Malta (grumph)
Sweden 4-1 Albania (harrumph)

Danmark              10  6  3  1  16-5    21
Portugal             10  5  4  1  17-5    19
Sverige              10  5  3  2  13-5    18
Ungarn               10  5  1  4  10-8    16
Albania              10  1  4  5   6-13    7
Malta                10  0  1  9   0-26    1
Denmark to World Cup, Portugal to play-off

Group 2
Greece 2-1 Luxembourg (Luxembourg's goal an "autogol". Cross into the box was somehow netted by Greece's central defender. Corner and a free kick headed into the goal for Greece's winners)
Switzerland 0-0 Israel (so didn't matter what Greece did in the end)
Latvia 3-2 Moldova (Latvia finish third and get some nice seeding points)

Sveits               10  6  3  1  18-8    21
Hellas               10  6  2  2  20-10   20
Latvia               10  5  2  3  18-15   17
Israel               10  4  4  2  20-10   16
Luxemburg            10  1  2  7   4-25    5
Moldova              10  0  3  7   6-18    3
Switzerland to World Cup, Greece to play-off

Group 3
Poland 0-1 Slovakia (decent way to qualify)
Czech Rep 0-0 Northern Ireland (exhibit XIIII in Uppercut's "Why Northern Ireland are the world's worst team to watch")
San Marino 0-3 Slovenia (play-off tiem)

Slovakia             10  7  1  2  22-10   22
Slovenia             10  6  2  2  18-4    20
Tsjekkia             10  4  4  2  17-6    16
Nord-Irland          10  4  3  3  13-9    15
Polen                10  3  2  5  19-14   11
San Marino           10  0  0 10   1-47    0
Slovakia to World Cup, Slovenia to play-off

Group 4
Azerbaijan 1-1 Russia (Vogts to keep his job now they've got a point against former Soviet yoke. Probably puts Azerbaijan ahead of Liechtenstein in the seeding tables for 2012, too, which means the microstates are placed together)
Germany 1-1 Finland (comedy lack of clearing from Finland allowed Lukas Podolski to ram home an equaliser from close range)
Liechtenstein 0-2 Wales (not even Wales lose to Liechtenstein)

Tyskland             10  8  2  0  26-5    26
Russland             10  7  1  2  19-6    22
Finland              10  5  3  2  14-14   18
Wales                10  4  0  6   9-12   12
Aserbajdsjan         10  1  2  7   4-14    5
Liechtenstein        10  0  2  8   2-23    2
Germany to World Cup, Russia to play-off

Group 5

Bosnia and Hercegovina 2-5 Spain (going through qualifying without dropping points hasn't been done since West Germany in 1982. Admittedly they were woeful at the finals. Bosnia could have been seeded with a win, but failed miserably.)
Estonia 2-0 Belgium (ok...this is a side with Daniel Van Buyten and Thomas Vermaelen as centre backs. How on earth do you concede twice to a glorified pub team who wouldn't beat Exeter? Answers on a postcard to Dick Advocaat.)
Turkey 2-0 Armenia (no jokes here.)

Spania               10 10  0  0  27-5    30
Bosnia               10  6  1  3  25-12   19
Tyrkia               10  4  3  3  13-10   15
Belgia               10  3  1  6  12-20   10
Estland              10  2  2  6   9-23    8
Armenia              10  1  1  8   6-22    4
Spain to World Cup, Bosnia and Hercegovina to play-off

Group 6

Andorra 0-6 Ukraine
Kazakhstan 1-2 Croatia
England 3-0 Belarus

Entirely as expected...

England              10  9  0  1  33-6    27
Ukraina              10  6  3  1  21-6    21
Kroatia              10  6  2  2  19-12   20
Hviterussland        10  4  1  5  19-14   13
Kasakstan            10  2  0  8  11-29    6
Andorra              10  0  0 10   3-39    0
England to World Cup, Ukraine to play-off

Group 7

Lithuania 2-1 Serbia (Baltic day, third win from three)
Romania 3-1 Faroe Islands (with only one win against the five sides that count, Romania were utterly embarrassed and finished fifth in the group. Decidedly less vocal support on CW recently, I've noticed.)
France 3-1 Austria (so, France actually made the play-offs with seven points to spare. Here's to Bosnia knocking them out.)

Serbia               10  7  1  2  22-8    22
Frankrike            10  6  3  1  18-9    21
Østerrike            10  4  2  4  14-15   14
Litauen              10  4  0  6  10-11   12
Romania              10  3  3  4  12-18   12
Færøyene             10  1  1  8   5-20    4
Serbia to World Cup, France to play-off

Group 8
Bulgaria 6-2 Georgia (yeah, now you start playing football, useless overpaid Man Utd ****s)
Republic of Ireland 0-0 Montenegro (six draws in ten - useful start to qualifying for the Montenegrins. Ireland get into the play-offs, which will no doubt be a horror away trip.)
Italy 3-2 Cyprus (Cyprus keep on having fun without actually taking that many points.

Italia               10  7  3  0  17-7    24
Irland               10  4  6  0  12-8    18
Bulgaria             10  3  5  2  17-12   14
Kypros               10  2  3  5  14-16    9
Montenegro           10  1  6  3   9-14    9
Georgia              10  0  3  7   7-19    3
Italy to World Cup; Republic of Ireland to play-offs

Group 9

Nederland             8  8  0  0  17-2    24
Norge                 8  2  4  2   9-7    10
Skottland             8  3  1  4   5-10   10
Makedonia             8  2  1  5   5-11    7
Island                8  1  2  5   6-12    5
Netherlands to World Cup

South America updates in the morning. Matches kick off at 23.00 UTC (Chile vs Ecuador and Uruguay vs Argentina).

Play-off seeds: Greece, France, Russia, Portugal. Drawn to face: Ukraine, Bosnia and Hercegovina, Republic of Ireland, Slovenia.

 

[Uppercut]

Czech Rep 0-0 Northern Ireland (exhibit XIIII in Uppercut's "Why Northern Ireland are the world's worst team to watch")

Indeed.

We don't really have a clue going forward. We're well-organised defensively and the other side never gets a chance to play football. But in attack we just kinda lump the ball as far away from our goal as possible and hope that by some freak occurance a goal is scored.

It's great that we have a decent team now, and we've been punching above our weight ever since Sanchez took over. But that doesn't mean I ever actually want to watch us play.


On an unrelated note, I'm seriously pissed off at the decision to seed the playoffs. Bear in mind that the group stages were seeded to begin with, so the four seeded teams have already had to do less in order to get this far. Ukraine had to knock out either England or Croatia to make the playoffs, Greece had to knock out... Latvia or Switzerland. Yet Greece get preferential treatment in the draw! Bosnia's reward for qualifying despite being seeded fourth in their group is a trip to ****ing Italy or Portugal. Having a laugh, FIFA.

 

[Matteh]

Is clearly down to ticket sales for the Finals.

Not many are going to buy a ticket for potentially Ukraine vs Switzerland...but make it Italy vs Switzerland and you'll get a load of people going to it.

 

[marc71178]

Play-off seeds: Greece, France, Russia, Portugal. Drawn to face: Ukraine, Bosnia and Hercegovina, Republic of Ireland, Slovenia.

So that'll be 4 sides hoping to get Greece then!

 

[Scaly piscine]

Okay enough about the play-offs, lets all concentrate on hoping Argentina lose and Ecuador win.

 

[Scaly piscine]

Ecuador go behind. Grrr.

 

[Matteh]

Uruguayian Left Back was unspeakably stupid in the lead up to that goal. Makes a mistake, trips Gonzalez with his hand, Yellow, Red, Free Kick gives away the goal.

 

[Scaly piscine]

FFS

So annoying.

 

[Uppercut]

Awesome. Would really have missed the Argies tbh.

 

[Uppercut]

Is clearly down to ticket sales for the Finals.

Not many are going to buy a ticket for potentially Ukraine vs Switzerland...but make it Italy vs Switzerland and you'll get a load of people going to it.

Interesting choice of teams. Ukraine and Switzerland played out the most boring game in the history of the world last time out.