*Official* South Africa in England Thread

[hourn]

well England are all out for 173 - in the end it's at least defendable rather than the what was looking a very ordinary total to begin with.

Gotta bowl well though.

I think they should currently be thinking of what they did with the ball in the last test, and do exactly the opposite.

 

[luckyeddie]

The simplicity with which Gough and Anderson made a half-century last partnership does not fill me with any good cheer as we wait for tea and the South African reply.

This looks to me to be a 300-350 wicket - I may be proved wrong but England's stupid (I can't think of a better word) batting display will not be repeated by Smith and co.

So many wickets to rash shots in the upper order. Saying that, Ntini looked extremely good - hostile as a strike bowler should be.

173. Just how bad a total that is remains to be seen. Mind you, when Goughie's fired with the bat in the past his bowling has ripped the opposition to shreds. Oh, wait. Once against New Zealand - in 1994.

 

[marc71178]

oh my god..85/5
Vaughan out to a school boy error & all of a sudden this S.A attack doesn't seem as woeful as first suggested.

Firstly, no-one has doubted the ability of Pollock and Ntini - it's the back-up.

Secondly, only one wicket went to good bowling.

 

[marc71178]

If only Hussain were skipper.

He wouldn't be at cover, so wouldn't have dropped Smith...

 

[luckyeddie]

Both barrels.

Just there - behind the barn.

 

[hourn]

0/53 - definetaly not the start the Poms wanted

 

[luckyeddie]

just shows what you can do if you bat - because I wouldn't describe 6 out of England's first 7 wickets as batting.

I'm beginning to wonder how many of this England side are safe for the third game - and I cannot come up with more than 4 or 5 names

Trescothick - although I'm stretching it because of his faffing around outside off stick
Vaughan
Anderson - if he gets his runup sorted.
Butcher - no blame for his dismissal
Giles - can't come up with another spinner

Mind you, the third test is at Trent Bridge - expect craters or lakes on the wicket

 

[luckyeddie]

I'd add Harmison to the above list - he bowled an exceptional 4 over burst either side of the Gibbs wicket - the only decent bowling from an English player all day apart from the odd ball from Giles to Smith.

Anderson, Flintoff and Gough were all very sub-standard. Perhaps the Edgbaston wicket wasn't such a featherbed after all.

Mind you, Barry Richards couldn't get Dermot Reeve to admit that Harmison was bowling well, try as he might. All you got was a grudging "Well, he usually sprays it everywhere."

Dermot's only other meaningful contribution to the day's commentary was his assertion that England ought to replace Nasser Hussain with Ian Bell. Reeve and Channel 4 deserve each other.

 

[Rik]

Giles - can't come up with another spinner

Jason Brown, Gareth Batty...

 

[Rik]

This will really test the ability of Flintoff..if he survives this & makes a good score of 70+ then he will definately be one of the best all-rounders at the moment.

And he fails...

Seriously, how could he be one of the best all-rounders around if last Test he took 0-97? In ODIs maybe, in Tests...his average of 19 with the bat and 51 with the ball tell their own stories.

 

[Rik]

Smith and Thorpe next time, please. I'll agree with Rik that McGrath ought to take a break - and I'd look on Nasser as an old, blind sheepdog too (out behind the barn, both barrels, the kindest thing to do)

Bloody hell...*rubs eyes*...no I'm not dreaming :O

 

[Rik]

No, it shows that they have faith in the side and want consistency in selection. Years ago we were struggling, and they chopped and changed like nobodies business - I bet you were one of the people who complained when they did that?

Bet your not saying that now...

And no I didn't complain then, I silently suffered and I can't be bothered to have to go through that again.

 

[Rik]

If Rik had his way they'd have Botham and Tufnell...

No Marc. I wouldn't. Your mind reading skills don't seem to work. Take a hint and don't bother next time, unless you feel the need to be petty all the time. As the saying goes "if there is no good reason for saying something, don't say it."

 

[luckyeddie]

Well, all we need now is for Rik to agree with me that 'Radar' was the only English bowler to exert any pressure for more than 3 balls and we can all console each other with a team-building hug.

 

[luckyeddie]

And he fails...

Seriously, how could he be one of the best all-rounders around if last Test he took 0-97? In ODIs maybe, in Tests...his average of 19 with the bat and 51 with the ball tell their own stories.

And they all criticised me last year when I said that Corky was better.

Somebody shoot me before I say 'Cork for England'

Cork for En...

<quack> bang!!!

 

[Rik]

Well, all we need now is for Rik to agree with me that 'Radar' was the only English bowler to exert any pressure for more than 3 balls and we can all console each other with a team-building hug.

Didn't see him bowl, only watched a bit of England's collapse on my portable TV which ran down shortly after McGrath got out, typical. I've still got those haunting memories of Harmison's bouncer war with Smith in the 2nd innings of the 1st Test, not so long ago.

 

[luckyeddie]

seriously, for four wonderful overs he never put a ball out of place. You could almost see Dermot squirming as Barry Richards poked him in the ribs saying alternately 'good delivery' or 'great delivery'.

Then Channel 4 cut the transmission.

Sorry, got carried away. For 'wonderful' read 'did his job which no-one else did - especially Gough and Flintoff who I wouldn't pay in washers'

 

[luckyeddie]

Bloody hell...*rubs eyes*...no I'm not dreaming :O

Heyyyyyy.

Remember this little gem when he was first selected?


Sunday, May 18, 2003

Dear Diary :

Well, the ECB selectors have finally done it - they have united the country in one fell swoop. When the test squad to face Zimbabwe at Lords was announced at 10.30 yesterday morning, cricket-lovers from Carlisle to Penzance scanned the list of names for their favourites.

The expected names were there - you could almost picture the lips moving in unison.... Nasser? Check! Jimmy Anderson? Check! Harmison? Check! Butcher? Check!. McGrath? Hurriedly click on Ananova 'News', unsuccessfully scan for report that Aussie opening sledger extraordinaire has started drinking Stones instead of Fosters (OK, it's not THAT easy to qualify for British nationality - just ask Graeme Hick. He had to drink the stuff for five years before they let him in - but you get the idea). Back to Cricinfo, 'England', 'Players', 'M', 'McGrath' - Ohhhhhhhhh, him! Back to the squad, look further.

Suddenly, a collective sigh of relief escapes the lips of the nation. No Rampers. Back to McGrath, click on averages, back to Yorkshire's game against Northants. Hmmmmm. No clues there, so let's invent a time machine (for want of a better thing to do).

Slowly, the dials turn, then faster, faster. Day turns to night, back to day again. The seasons change, all becomes a blur as we race headlong, spinning almost out of control. Suddenly, everything becomes clear again. We look around - there are two gentlemen in the room. It is breakfast time.

Picture the scene, in another time, at 221B Baker Street over a fine spread of kippers, kedgeree, devilled kidneys and cocaine.
<Watson> "Something troubling you, Holmes?"
<Holmes> "Not at all, Watson. Just perusing the sporting column in the Gazette."
<Watson> "Has the squad been announced, old man?"
<Holmes> "Yes. A few surprises, to boot. I see they've selected McGrath."
<Watson> (horrified) "The foul-mouthed convict? The last I heard of him, he was on his way to Botany Bay in chains."
<Holmes> "No, not Glenn, my dear stout fellow. A flat-capped, unwashed Johnny from the sticks called Anthony."
<Watson> "By Jove, Holmes! Whatever could possess those upstanding gentlemen from Thomas Lord's neck of the woods to pick him - a - a - (gulp) Yorkshireman?"
<Holmes> "McGrath's tedious scoring rate of late makes that of the venerable captain, Lord Nasser of Hussain, look good. Besides, it's all part of the big plan."
<Watson> "I appreciate that the ponderous rate at which the northern oaf in question accumulates his notches hardly troubles the scorer's penknife, and even pales into insignificance in comparison to that of our esteemed leader, but what is this big plan you refer to, Holmes?"
<Holmes> (takes long, satisfying draw on Meerschaum pipe) "The plan, Watson, that paves the way for the return of that fine gentleman of breeding Mark Ramprakash for the second test match - as replacement for said McGrath, of course."
<Watson> "I don't understand, old bean."
<Holmes> (dons Deerstalker hat, prepares to depart for a second breakfast at the Diogenes Club) "After this announcement, nothing emanating from the ECB will ever seem a surprise again, hence the Earl of Rampers will be able to return to the fold almost unnoticed, and what is more, without all the frightful embarrassment of riots in the streets, the burning of effigies, questions in the House and all the usual cheap tactics the hoi-polloi resort to when they disagree with authority. England will therefore become great again - a land fit for gentlemen to grow old in."
<Watson> "Capital idea, Holmes!"
<Holmes> "Elementary, my dear Watson. Oh, and Watson..."
<Watson> "Holmes?"
<Holmes> "Whose glowing duck is that in the corner of the room?"



Apology accepted (Rampers for England?)

 

[Rik]

I got a lot of stick, mainly from Marc, for saying I was deeply upset that we picked the same side despite what happened in Birmingham. The reason I was so upset is shown here, they barely took a wicket or bowled straight, and it's happening again. "Groundhog Day" yet this time it was predictible.

As for Harmison, thanks to Ch4's highlights I only really saw a few deliveries, one which beat Gibbs outside off and one that he dragged on, oh and a few boundaries, but then you would expect that.

 

[Tim]

Lol, Marc's doing damage control.