I can't believe we go from series where both fans back their teams to smash the other, to a series where both sets of fans reckon they'll lose.
You are facing the weakest New Zealand team since the days of Justin Vaughan in the middle order, at home, and our biggest weakness is left arm pacers and anything that remotely looks like spin, both of which you have in abundance. The bowling is probably the worst in decades because at least in the early to mid 90s we had Danny Morrison, Chris Cairns and Dion Nash. Our frontline "strike bowler" has an average of 35 and hasn't demolished a team probably since the last time we played against South Africa. He also bowls rather defensive lines for a strike bowler.
Your batting line up is going to rape us and we have a grand total of three proven test class batsmen, and while they might be very good if they all score 50s that's only 150 runs to chase.
And if Tim McIntosh scores his once a season 2564949*, you're sweet for the rest of the series because he won't get past ten.
You won't even need to wear protection when you bend us over.
Vettori to take second innings wickets and Bruce Willis to take up hairdressing