Wafer-thin Cup draw:
Aberdeen (the only proper dons left, Scot) v Bayern München (der Kaiser möchtet einen Titel, Ger)
AEK (of Athine, Gre) v Getafe (Miraculix assistant, Spa)
Bolton (the managing merry-wander-around, Eng) v Atlético Madrid (overfunded, yet not quite as lavishly as Real, Spa)
Zenit Sankt-Peterburg (Gazprom FC 1, Рос) v Villarreal (no more Forlan, Spa)
Galatasaray SK (oh, look, there are other vowels in the alphabet, Tur) v Bayer 04 Leverkusen (Medizin SV, Ger)
Anderlecht (we were good when Nottingham Forest won the European Cup, Bel) v Bordeaux (yay, we won the French Mickey Mouse cup, Fra)
SK Brann (Bergen Fire, Nor) v Everton (we all hate the Reds, Eng)
FC Zürich (financial town FC, Swi) v Hamburgers SV (McDonalds Sportsverein, Ger)
Glasgow Rangers (Protestants FC, Sco) v Panathinaikos (All Athens Club, Gre)
PSV Eindhoven (Phillips SV, Ned) v Helsingborgs IF (Larssons IF, Swe)
Slavia Praha (Šmicer is 34 and don't forget our nation is a republic, Cze Rep) v Tottenham Hotspur (srsly, does anyone ever use spurs any more, Eng)
Rosenborg (Trondheim's castle of no more roses anymore, Nor) v Associazione Calcio Fiorentina e Florentia Viola (we went bankrupt and had to change our name, only nobody cares, Ita)
Sporting Clube de Portugal (there's no Lisbon in the club name ffs, Por) v FC Basel 1893 (an Aussie is our best player and we still beat Brann, Swi)
Werder Bremen (most consistent and dull club in Deutschland, Ger) v S. C. Braga (we haven't won a single thing since 1966, Por)
S. L. Benfica (24 titles is more than 21 titles, Por) v Erster FC Nürnberg (the trials of losing a doggone good goalherder, Ger)
Olympique de Marseille (we haven't had any money since we fixed matches, Fra) v Spartak Moskva (the gladiators, Rus)
The Everton v Brann thing should be good, if Brann manage to get fit by that time. Everton clearly favourites though, 92-8 I reckon.