luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
Wednesday, 28 May, 2003
Dear Diary :
My good friends at Durham County Cricket Club have told me that Sports Nutritionists have compiled a special eating plan for England's players for the period up to and including the second nPower test match at Chester-le-Street, starting next week.
Health and Fitness professional Sarah ****erel added, "The important thing with this diet is that it provides a lot of variety and should keep the players interested in what they are eating and drinking. In turn, that makes sticking to the diet a lot easier."
A spokesman said "We are especially looking forward to working with Andrew Flintoff who, being an explosive player, requires the type of diet which will supply him with instant bursts of energy on demand."
When pressed to be more specific, Mr McDonald said "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun. Do you want fries with that? You can 'Go Large' for an extra 30 pence."
Shane Warne has gone on record as stating that his 12 month suspension for drug abuse will help prolong his career, saying "I'll use these 12 months wisely, come up with a few new deliveries and, hopefully, be able to play for a few years yet." Wilfred Rhodes was over 50 when he last played test cricket. He must have known one heck of a chemist.
I see one glaring omission from the Sri Lankan squad to take on the West Indies in the forthcoming ODI series - that of Russel Arnold. I spoke to Lalith Kaluperuma and asked him how hard he would be to replace. "Russel has been an invaluable member of the squad, but it is time for a change. He has been struggling for form over the last year or so, and on a couple of occasions has almost dropped the tray of drinks."
He added "Russel's technique has let him down recently, so it is time for him to go back to basics. For the next three months, he and Dilhara Fernando (currently recovering from a Gatorade-related injury) will be working as ****tail waiters at a wine bar in Kandy. When they are ready to return to the rigours of international 12th-manning, they will know."
On this day in history :
On May 28, 1967, two Yorkshiremen journeyed to Old Trafford for the annual 'Roses' match against Lancashire. On getting to the ground, the first, Mr Harold Greatorex from Brighouse, discovered that he had left his wallet containing all his money at home. His friend and driver, Mr Charles Brand of Leeds, kindly offered to pop back over the Pennines to pick it up.
Upon his return, the ashen-faced Mr Brand sought out his pal. Upon discovering him, he said "I have some dreadful news. When I got to your house, the Fire Brigade were just damping down. The house has been burned to the ground and your wife and children are dead." Mr Greatorex replied "Well, I have even worse news. Boycott's out."
There's no place for Inzy in the Pakistani squad announced yesterday, but the suspended Shoaib Akhtar is selected. Shoaib said "I look forward to the challenge of playing in England again, even though I will miss the first game."
I asked him what he thought of the Duke cricket ball. He replied "Whether it's a little harder than the Kookaburra, I'm just not sure, but it definitely keeps swinging for longer, especially in overcast conditions. A fast bowler has to be aware of this."
When asked what he likes most about England, he replied "I love the old traditions which abound over there, the Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace, all that stuff. When I was last over, I spoke to some people who were playing a game with nuts on a string. I think they call it 'conkers'. They take it very seriously, too, putting in hours of preparation before big championships. I'm going to try some of that."
When I asked him if he planned to take up conkers after he retires from playing first class cricket, he replied "No, I'm going to pickle my thumb nail in vinegar to make it harder."
So Graeme Smith has finally come out and given his reasons for Lance Klusener's omission from the South African cricket team. He says "Lance, as fantastic as he is, can ruin a team. He can be quite disruptive."
Klusener said "It's a joke. Fancy saying that at a business breakfast. Disruptive? It's a personal vendetta if you ask me. He's only ever played with me twice. Sure, on one occasion, I filled his box with fire ants and on the other I super-glued a frog to his helmet, but these things happen."
Dear Diary :
My good friends at Durham County Cricket Club have told me that Sports Nutritionists have compiled a special eating plan for England's players for the period up to and including the second nPower test match at Chester-le-Street, starting next week.
Health and Fitness professional Sarah ****erel added, "The important thing with this diet is that it provides a lot of variety and should keep the players interested in what they are eating and drinking. In turn, that makes sticking to the diet a lot easier."
A spokesman said "We are especially looking forward to working with Andrew Flintoff who, being an explosive player, requires the type of diet which will supply him with instant bursts of energy on demand."
When pressed to be more specific, Mr McDonald said "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun. Do you want fries with that? You can 'Go Large' for an extra 30 pence."
Shane Warne has gone on record as stating that his 12 month suspension for drug abuse will help prolong his career, saying "I'll use these 12 months wisely, come up with a few new deliveries and, hopefully, be able to play for a few years yet." Wilfred Rhodes was over 50 when he last played test cricket. He must have known one heck of a chemist.
I see one glaring omission from the Sri Lankan squad to take on the West Indies in the forthcoming ODI series - that of Russel Arnold. I spoke to Lalith Kaluperuma and asked him how hard he would be to replace. "Russel has been an invaluable member of the squad, but it is time for a change. He has been struggling for form over the last year or so, and on a couple of occasions has almost dropped the tray of drinks."
He added "Russel's technique has let him down recently, so it is time for him to go back to basics. For the next three months, he and Dilhara Fernando (currently recovering from a Gatorade-related injury) will be working as ****tail waiters at a wine bar in Kandy. When they are ready to return to the rigours of international 12th-manning, they will know."
On this day in history :
On May 28, 1967, two Yorkshiremen journeyed to Old Trafford for the annual 'Roses' match against Lancashire. On getting to the ground, the first, Mr Harold Greatorex from Brighouse, discovered that he had left his wallet containing all his money at home. His friend and driver, Mr Charles Brand of Leeds, kindly offered to pop back over the Pennines to pick it up.
Upon his return, the ashen-faced Mr Brand sought out his pal. Upon discovering him, he said "I have some dreadful news. When I got to your house, the Fire Brigade were just damping down. The house has been burned to the ground and your wife and children are dead." Mr Greatorex replied "Well, I have even worse news. Boycott's out."
There's no place for Inzy in the Pakistani squad announced yesterday, but the suspended Shoaib Akhtar is selected. Shoaib said "I look forward to the challenge of playing in England again, even though I will miss the first game."
I asked him what he thought of the Duke cricket ball. He replied "Whether it's a little harder than the Kookaburra, I'm just not sure, but it definitely keeps swinging for longer, especially in overcast conditions. A fast bowler has to be aware of this."
When asked what he likes most about England, he replied "I love the old traditions which abound over there, the Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace, all that stuff. When I was last over, I spoke to some people who were playing a game with nuts on a string. I think they call it 'conkers'. They take it very seriously, too, putting in hours of preparation before big championships. I'm going to try some of that."
When I asked him if he planned to take up conkers after he retires from playing first class cricket, he replied "No, I'm going to pickle my thumb nail in vinegar to make it harder."
So Graeme Smith has finally come out and given his reasons for Lance Klusener's omission from the South African cricket team. He says "Lance, as fantastic as he is, can ruin a team. He can be quite disruptive."
Klusener said "It's a joke. Fancy saying that at a business breakfast. Disruptive? It's a personal vendetta if you ask me. He's only ever played with me twice. Sure, on one occasion, I filled his box with fire ants and on the other I super-glued a frog to his helmet, but these things happen."
