Clever/Amusing Sledges you have heard while playing

[Son Of Coco]

Last year we were playing a team from up the coast and their no.5 had come in and proceeded to look very uncomfortable against the short ball. After an over or two our short leg said "Mate...you must have put your pads on and run out here to be batting no.5", and he was out about an over later.

The same guy was bowling last week (bowls left arm orthodox) and lobbed a couple up outside off that the guy left alone and he's marched down the wicket going "Do you want a ****ing written invitation mate?"

 

[vic_orthdox]

A couple of old favourites.

There's a story about Warren Whiteside (played FC cricket for Victoria) coming out to face Rodney Hogg in a club game. After taking guard, he pulls a can of aeroguard out of nowhere and starts spraying it above his head. Hogg yells out "What the hell are you doing?" to which Whiteside replied, "Bouncer repellent".

In our 2nds a few years ago, one guy from our club was bowling to this bloke who was struggling a bit. He had a bit of a dig at the batsman to which the batsman replied, "Do you know who I am?" This was just before lunch, so at lunch the bowler went to the CV Handbook which has the 1st XI records of all current players, and this guy (surname was Skinner, hehe) was a batsman who only averaged 20 in 1st Grade cricket. So after the break, after bowling a ball to him, the bowler walks down the pitch, pulls out the handbook and a pen and says, "Can you please sign this for me, Mr. Skinner?"

But the best one when I was actually playing was when we played against a team which had a male model in it. And during the week before, we received a tip-off from one of their players that he had his own website, so we printed off the front page of it and left it at the crease when he came out to bat. He tried to pick it up and fold it away, but he couldn't with his gloves on, so he had to hand it to the umpire!

 

[Neil Pickup]

A wicket falls, and this weed of a guy with glasses comes on to bat, holding it with a weird grip.
"Let`s send chess club back to the library."
He made 52.

A trial game against the U-15 for school, and *insert name* came in to open the batting. He got me out for 47 last innings. My first ball is a bouncer, hits him on the shoulder. He looks at me and says "What have you got to say for yourself?" It was a pretty weird comment, so I thought about it and said "Penis, penis, penis." The next ball, I came in, he backs away and I hit him on the toe in front of leg.

I love the thought processes involved, Nath. That one may well be up with my all time favourites for the sheer toilet language...

 

[Nate]

I`m weird like that. When I`m frustrated, mostly when batsmen are missing the ball, or the ball just misses the stumps, I`ll yell parts of the female anatomy really loudly.

Today, training at lunch, the left-handed batsman went for a drive, the ball cut back in and just missed the top of middle. I walk down the wicket and yell "Uterus!"

 

[King_Ponting]

hmmm....

 

[SteveG]

A wicket falls, and this weed of a guy with glasses comes on to bat, holding it with a weird grip.
"Let`s send chess club back to the library."
He made 52.

A trial game against the U-15 for school, and *insert name* came in to open the batting. He got me out for 47 last innings. My first ball is a bouncer, hits him on the shoulder. He looks at me and says "What have you got to say for yourself?" It was a pretty weird comment, so I thought about it and said "Penis, penis, penis." The next ball, I came in, he backs away and I hit him on the toe in front of leg.

I had a similiar experience when I was playing junior cricket (many years ago). I was a Dennis Lillee clone in those days, he was my hero, so I bowled exactly like him. As I got older and umm heavier I became a batsman...although Big Merv was an inspiration for me to stay in the bowlers union.

This one particular Saturday morning I had cut through the top order and had 3 for 'not much', when this overweight kid, with braces on his legs and a runner came out to bat at #5.

I thought, 'I'll give him a couple of gentle medium pacers and let him have a couple of hits so he can have a good time."

So, I bowled a lollypop on middle stump, on a nice length. The next thing I knew the ball was in the trees on the other side of the oval.

'Gees,' I thought, 'thats a bit harsh, but good for him...thats something to tell his Dad about.'

Next ball, he hit me straight over my head for four.

He eventually got out for 70 or 80 odd (i can't remember), and with the exception of the first 2 balls, I bowled flat out and so did the other bowlers. Our part-time spinner got him out LBW.

I learnt that it doesn't matter how innoculous a batsman looks, or how bad their average is, they are STILL a batsman and they deserve a quick death. LOL

 

[Son Of Coco]

A guy who opens for us told me this one the other day...

He was playing against one of the local teams here and one of the guys in slips was aware that he'd broken up with his girlfriend in the weeks recent to the occuring game. After a couple of overs the guy in slips suggested to his bowler that he bowl said batsman the 'girlfriend ball'...none of the other guys on his team had any idea what he was talking about, and when forced to explain he just said 'it's the one that leaves him'. My mate ****ed himself laughing, even though he was the recipient.

 

[open365]

I`m weird like that. When I`m frustrated, mostly when batsmen are missing the ball, or the ball just misses the stumps, I`ll yell parts of the female anatomy really loudly.

Today, training at lunch, the left-handed batsman went for a drive, the ball cut back in and just missed the top of middle. I walk down the wicket and yell "Uterus!"

too much system of a down for you Nnanden....

 

[33/3from3.3]

POODLES hahaha classical first post

 

[33/3from3.3]

best one i know is the s waugh one to chris Carns... about the train... really clever, but sad...

dro87 can u tel th peopl among us hu dont no bout tht wat hapnd

 

[andyc]

dro87 can u tel th peopl among us hu dont no bout tht wat hapnd

It's been feverently denied by all Australian players and I doubt anyone would be that mean to do so, but...

His sister (I think it was his sister) had been hit and killed by a train very recently and the Australians were apparantly all going 'choo choo' as he came out to bat. I think that's how it's went, although I could be wrong.

 

[Burpey]

Here's a good one.

Last weekend, the opposition had a bloke by the same full name as me. Anyways, he's at square leg while I'm batting and yells out 'Only one Stephen Burke is good enough to be out here, and it's not the batsman.' Next ball I smoke a pull shot past him and just grin at him. It felt pretty sweet. Needless to say, he didn't say much for a while.

 

[andyc]

H 'Only one Stephen Burke is good enough to be out here

Aren't you in the fourths?

 

[33/3from3.3]

stupid fielders + karma comes on back MR.bowler

versus ST BEDES last week
i was opening and my bat partner just got bowld my best mate walks out at #3
the first ball is a short pitchd, slower 1 .

OPPO FIEDER: THIS IS GOOD BOYS WE GOT HM ON THE BACK FOOT
ME:OF CORSE HES ON DA BACK FOOT IT WS A SHORT BALL
(quite gud i thort)

versus SHIRLEY 1st game of the year
admitadly i ws prety sketchy but i was keepn it out i ws geting a few low sniks aswel. in 1 over i snikd 2 and both wer dropd thn i plonkd a sitter out to deep deeep deeeeeeeeeeeeep mid wicet (the boundrys wer massiv) tht ws put down i got 2 runs .nxt ball high fast at my head i duck it and it missd my head closely.

OPPO FIELDER: OOOOOOH HES WURRYD FELLAS

next bal yet another catch goes down in da slips.

ME:WELL I MITE BE WURRYD BUT YOU GUYS CANT CATCH

(im the genuin trash tawkr of my team)

versus BOYS HIGH 2 weeks ago
a bowler hits me in the chest with a bouncer it hurts like the hell but i carry on he comes over and spits on da ground next to me. 3 balls later 1 ball sits up and i drive it hits the bowler in the same spot it hit me he goes down and yes of corse i spit in his face and say I KNOW HOW U FEEL

I FEEL IT WAS VERY EFFECTIV

P.S. thank u andyc 4 telling me the chris cairns thng tht ws so mean and sick

 

[andyc]

You spat in a bowler's face!????

 

[Deja moo]

A guy who opens for us told me this one the other day...

He was playing against one of the local teams here and one of the guys in slips was aware that he'd broken up with his girlfriend in the weeks recent to the occuring game. After a couple of overs the guy in slips suggested to his bowler that he bowl said batsman the 'girlfriend ball'...none of the other guys on his team had any idea what he was talking about, and when forced to explain he just said 'it's the one that leaves him'. My mate ****ed himself laughing, even though he was the recipient.

 

[andyc]

OPPO FIEDER: THIS IS GOOD BOYS WE GOT HM ON THE BACK FOOT
ME:OF CORSE HES ON DA BACK FOOT IT WS A SHORT BALL


(im the genuin trash tawkr of my team)

I see what you mean, I wish I could tawk trash lik u

 

[Buddhmaster]

Here's a good one.

Last weekend, the opposition had a bloke by the same full name as me. Anyways, he's at square leg while I'm batting and yells out 'Only one Stephen Burke is good enough to be out here, and it's not the batsman.' Next ball I smoke a pull shot past him and just grin at him. It felt pretty sweet. Needless to say, he didn't say much for a while.

 

[33/3from3.3]

I see what you mean, I wish I could tawk trash lik u

you do know i ws joking im the sledger of my team realy im quite evil i gt cald da mouth of th southeast (my m8 at school is the south)
andy do u hav 2 gt so sarcastic

 

[King_Ponting]

you do know i ws joking im the sledger of my team realy im quite evil i gt cald da mouth of th southeast (my m8 at school is the south)
andy do u hav 2 gt so sarcastic

can u cut the sms talk, its relatively annoying