The role of Higgins` in society is a complex and under-rated one. Due to the popularity of Higgins` in cricket, as they bring their fearsome strokeplay, ferocious bowling, daring charm and charming dare, whilst still fronting up as a gentleman to over 60%* of ****tail parties worldwide, the Higgins clan need two of them around at a time to satisfy the public`s needs.
George Higgins (Essex) and Harry Higgins (Worcestershire) started off proceedings in 1912, on Harry`s 18th birthday, with one entertaining thousands at the local county ground, as the other kissed autographs and signed babies as he rode around in his luxury automobile. As George`s age caught up with him, Roy Higgins (Queensland) took up the mantle, and bringing with him another country of followers. Harry soon reached retirement, going out with an estimated 4.5 million close friends. That brought us Bryan Higgins (Northern Districts) who was later heralded as New Zealand`s only good-looking person in the century beginning 1900. But Roy came of age, and Ben Higgins (South Australia) took his place. The last thirty years have been kind to humanity, as Ben and Bryan Higgins galavant around the globe, curing semi-serious disease and opening things that some people find hard to open sometimes. But in a month`s time, Bryan will reach his 80th birthday, and as he announced on CNN last Thursday, this will indeed be his last month 'Higginising', as the most recent version of the Oxford Dictionary so eloquently puts it. According to the poll on CNN.com, 12% of the public said they were in 'disbelief', 22% 'in a grief worse than death' with the remaining 66% believing he was 'soft like something that feels really soft'.
Either way, the world enters a crisis. One month to fill the spot of a world-recognised Higgins, or we will all be living in an unrecognisable world. Do you want a world of disease, boredom and average cricket? Chuck Norris doesn`t.
Rod Higgins for Australia.
* figure based on a survey of 12 474 people from Australia, England, New Zealand and the Farore Islands.
