Top Ten Ashes Sledges

[Neil Pickup]

The last one is Viv Richards and Greg Thomas (no, not THE Greg Thomas...)

 

[Alysum]

5 Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting, 1994: “Hell, Gatt, move out of the way. I can't see the stumps.”

Something wrong there, Lillee wasnt there in 1994

 

[Great Birtannia]

In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike. Ian Healy yelled to Warne, (I think) "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped" The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics. the batsman's retort: "Nah, Boonie fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."

I've always heard that one with Ranatunga as the batsman. Not only are 90% of them likely to be complete crap, the punch lines would have been stolen from other jokes and just adapted to cricket. Everyone on here would have heard the chain joke about the abused kid that applies to the court to be adopted by football/cricket/basketball club X because they can't beat anyone. The I ****ed your wife comeback would have been around when the Romans were running rampant in Europe, I don't think you could come up with anything more unoriginal.

 

[Perm]

The one about the Mars Bars was definately Arjuna Ranatunga.

 

[Burgey]

Please refer to the second quote in the below signature.

Priceless.

 

[NZTailender]

The last one is Viv Richards and Greg Thomas (no, not THE Greg Thomas...)

 

[Jono]

Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock.
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces. "Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

It annoys me that the players involved in this sledge change all the time. Ruins what truly is a great sledge.

 

[pasag]

Been quoted on this forum so many times in so many different variations.

 

[Buddhmaster]

My all time favourite. What a way to put him in his place.

Yeh, I bet he was devestated.

 

[Matt79]

The one about the Mars Bars was definately Arjuna Ranatunga.

Its meant to be, but it also definitely didn't happen according to all involved...

 

[Matt79]

Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne.
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

Warne's come back of spinning Cullinan back OUT of the South African team was a pretty good retort

 

[Matt79]

Not Ashes but:

Merv Hughes (paraphrased slightly) to Javed Miandad: I have a low opinion of your character and parentage. ( )
Javed Miandad: Yeah, well you are a bus driver!
After Merv knocked him over, he imposed himself between Javed and the pavillion and as Javed passed held out his hand and said: "Ticket please!"

 

[Matt79]

Is there a source for that as I was under the impression it was Trueman and Subba Row.

After a misfield/dropped catch (depends on source) goes between Subba Rows legs Row: I'm sorry about that, it might have been better if I had kept my legs together. Trueman: Aye, it's a pity your mother didn't!

If you google Trueman, Subba Row then there are lots of examples.

It would not surprise me if there was an earlier example (ala Grace-Armstrong). Just wondering where you got it from.

Best Trueman one is:

Batsman who just nicked a corker Trueman delivery to slip: "That was a lovely ball Fred"
Trueman: "Aye, and it were wasted on the likes of thee"

 

[Slow Love™]

Yeah, the truth of the matter is that around 70% of the "great sledges" we hear about will be apocryphal. At least we know the Sarwan/McGrath one was real, just from the reactions...

Most of the time what's said out there isn't that clever when it's told later on in third-person. I still enjoy the simplicity of Steve Waugh's response, as a towering Ambrose glared intimatingly down at him halfway down the pitch: "What the **** are you lookin' at?". May be an oldie, but it does the job.

 

[Josh]

Not Ashes but:

Merv Hughes (paraphrased slightly) to Javed Miandad: I have a low opinion of your character and parentage. ( )
Javed Miandad: Yeah, well you are a bus driver!
After Merv knocked him over, he imposed himself between Javed and the pavillion and as Javed passed held out his hand and said: "Ticket please!"

One of my favourites, for sure.

 

[Gloucefan]

I've always heard that one with Ranatunga as the batsman. Not only are 90% of them likely to be complete crap, the punch lines would have been stolen from other jokes and just adapted to cricket. Everyone on here would have heard the chain joke about the abused kid that applies to the court to be adopted by football/cricket/basketball club X because they can't beat anyone. The I ****ed your wife comeback would have been around when the Romans were running rampant in Europe, I don't think you could come up with anything more unoriginal.

Agreed most are probably crap, some are still funny though.

 

[UncleTheOne]

Yeh, I bet he was devestated.

Congrats on discovering sarcasm.

 

[BoyBrumby]

Ashes?

I'd have said cheese myself, but I'll bow down to your superior knowledge.

 

[silentstriker]

Agreed most are probably crap, some are still funny though.

Shane Warne: He swallowed a goat
Ranatunga: Better that than to swallow what he's been swallowing

 

[superkingdave]

Please refer to the second quote in the below signature.

Priceless.

yeah that was in the paper this morning, made me laugh, the umpire was named as Peter McConnell though

edit Temper Temper

It's rare that Phil Tufnell was the sinned against rather than the sinner, but during the second Test on England's disastrous 1990-91 Ashes tour, it was McConnell, the umpire, who lost his cool as the pair shared what Tufnell described as "a brief but intense relationship based on mutual contempt". While Tufnell sometimes made clear his thoughts on umpires, at the MCG he appeared to have done little wrong when he politely asked how many balls were left in the over. "Count 'em yourself you Pommie ****," was the reply. England Graham Gooch overheard the outburst and was moved to remonstrate with McConnell. "He wasn't giving me a bollocking for once," noted a surprised Tufnell. "You could have tied my **** together with candyfloss if the old sod wasn't sticking up for me."