Media

[SirBloody Idiot]

Fears of split grow in oil state
EDP gain control over Nixonstown and E. Robbham

Whilst the economic disparity between the east and the west has been overlooked by much international media, it remains a dividing factor in the newly founded oil state of CWLand that today looks on the verge of a dramatic split. After voting in the socialist East Democratic Party (EDP) to office in Nixonstown, the last few months have seen the EDP gain a strangehold over many local elections in the East culminating in them nearly taking office in Robbham yesterday.

Demonstrations over the last few months have shown a very real frustration from eastern cities at the perceived lack of funds to flow into eastern cities despite the burgeoning nation doing massive business through export of raw materials. One disgruntled citizen was quoted as saying that "we're the ones who provide all of it, and the west keep it all to themselves."

After taking 85 per cent of the popular vote in East Robbham yesterday, the EDP were close to claiming a victory in the Robbham district. One official said "this result just makes it more obvious that a unified CWLand is not working. We are being cheated by the west, and the east will not stand for it!"

Some political commentators believe a Civil War is a very real threat, but both sides would want to avoid such a massive conflict to ensure they keep their export markets open. Nevertheless, for the first time in the 21st century it seems that capitalism and socialism will again collide.

EDP independence a reality
Nykänen proclaims the CWLand Democratic Republic

In front of 100,000 frustrated CWLanders, East Democratic Party leader Antti Nykänen proclaimed the independence of the newly formed CWLand Democratic Republic. Following a breakdown of crisis talks between Nykänen and CWLand President Alexander Goldberg in Stedingham, the Finnish-born export said that the relationship was now untenable.

"We came to this island to find opportunity and a chance at a new life, and have been consistently thwarted in our efforts," Nykänen said in front of the massive crowd in Nixonstown. "The government in the West have been more than happy to take from us what they do not deserve, but those pigs will no more be able to abuse the great citizens of the CDR.

"From the banks of the Robbham River, to Edfield, Fraserbury and Goffmouth, the people of the CDR have spoken and will be heard!"

Western theorists are more cynical of Nykänen's motives; citing his Marxist leanings and pro-Soviet rallies that he attended in the late 1970s. Some in cities such as Edfield and Hiniton have already begun to migrate East as they fear an almost Berlin Wall-like structure being erected right across the country.

UN condemns erection of "mega-wall"
West reluctantly accepts Eastern plans

The United Nations have expressed their extreme concern over the erection of a "mega-wall" spanning from Robbham to Edfield as the CWLand Democratic Republic look to sure up their borders and to stem the exodus of citizens to the west. Contrary to the talk of Antti Nykänen, the support for the CDR is not quite as equivocal as the media was lead to believe and forced the CDR forces to set up a wall similar to that of the Berlin Wall - only on a much larger scale.

The wall, which West CWLand has grudgingly refused to oppose the construction of, starts on the east bank of the Robbham River and extends through Webcester and around Edfield at the other coast. Citizens may pass through only if they have express permission of both governments, and will be forced to return through the Webcester checkpoint.

ITF: Politics will play no part on sporting decisions
West and East to battle for Davis Cup spot

Despite requests from West CWLand for East CWLand to be banned from international competition, the Davis Cup committee has insisted that the politics of the oil state will play no part in who will compete in the World Group for season II. CWLand were drawn to play Spain away in the first round starting in March, but recent political developments have made a unified CWLand team untenable.

Instead, the Committee have announced that the two nations will square off in February in the west for the final spot in the World Group; the winner facing Spain and the loser moving into the European Zone.

CWLand Democratic Republic
Matt Bre
Roy Daniels
Alex de Wet
Spas Delev
Jefferson Drake
Yngve Fjermestad
Ryan Fredericks
Jamee Hancianu
Martti Korpinen
Boris Kransky
Daniel LeRusso
Caresh Mahboob
Jarkko Maxum
Hamish McSporran
Mat Mitchell
Suryakant Singh
Randy Smeltz
Vladimir Stakhanov
Sven Svensson
Phoenix Wleft

Federal Republic of CWLand
Randy Banks
Rob Bowenburg
David Briggs
Heath Davis
Marcuss Deane
Pierre Garcon
Kaol Kao
Rick Langley
Jason Lawley
Jack Loughman
Arthur McBride
Jojo Mustard
Sven Oxenstierna
Andy Pimpkins
Brett Read
Scotland Rivers
Pierre Rose
Billy Spleen
Raghav Suryadevara
Lawrence Trumper-Smith
Jean-Paul Valley
Joe Walker

---

This isn't going to stop any one playing doubles with someone stuck in the other country thanks to the wall (Bowenburg/Maxum). The whole idea behind this is to give more than four guys a go at the Davis Cup, and also for a little bit of banter.

And hopefully these flags are better than the last ones (Vimes...).
​

 

[Goughy]

Kao Panics as Charity Work Leaves Him Stranded

WR Echo

Young talent, Koal Kao was delivering care packages in East Robbham when the political brouhaha in CWLand started. Seldom has the old expression "never a good deed goes unpunished" been more true and he now finds himself stranded amongst the grey concrete poverty of the East with no immediate hope of return to his beloved West.

He has, on occasion, been able to catch a glimpse of his family across the wall but he has been unable to cross the newly formed boundary.

Said Kao "I don't want to get into the politics of the situation. That is an issue for others. I just want to play tennis and have a home cooked meal"

His family have been writing to politicians, diplomats and local celebs asking for Kao to be allowed to 'return home' to the West.

Kao, we wish you a safe return to the arms of your loving relatives and a warm and happy home waits for you in the West where you belong.

 

[SirBloody Idiot]

From the East Robbham Worker:

Young patriot jumps to East CWLand Tennis

EAST Robbham. A young champion of tennis Roy Daniels heroically defied the West to take up residence in the CDR overnight. Daniels, who bravely fought injury for much of last season, escaped to the finest sporting country in the world to join national heroes such as Jefferson Drake and Randy Smeltz in pursuit of glory on the ATP tour this year.

From the WR Echo:

Talented young player left stranded in rescue mission

WEST Robbham. Talented tennis player Roy Daniels was disastrously left incarcerated in the CWLand Democratic Republic after a successful rescue attempt on stranded youngster Koal Kao. Alongside other West CWLand players, Daniels attempted to smuggle Kao across the border and back over the river into West Robbham. Unfortunately for Daniels, his fellow players accidentally left him behind and at the mercy of CDR officials. Subsequent diplomatic channels failed, and he will now represent the East on the world tour.

Slight reshuffle to account for my WRRW captain.

 

[Magrat Garlick]

And hopefully these flags are better than the last ones (Vimes...).

Yeah, absolutely. (Even if the serp i molot is lacking )

Can say a lot against the communists, but some good old-fashioned propaganda media announcements will be great fun to write

 

[Simon]

Controversial.

 

[NUFAN]

Federal Republic of CWLand is surely going to host the 4th Grand Slam, is this correct?

Looking forward to playing doubles with overseas talent Jarkko Kim Jong Il Maxum still.

 

[Simon]

Fair to say CWDR have the better players. Drake and Smeltz to lead the Davis Cup charge.

 

[NUFAN]

Fair to say CWDR have the better players. Drake and Smeltz to lead the Davis Cup charge.

I don't think so at all. The Ox is the best player from both sides and we've got the talented Davis and Mustard too. Add to that Reid and Rivers plus Bowenburg is in for a huge year one feels.

FRCW is the better nation.

 

[Simon]

Randy Banks disowned by Uncle Brendon Goff for migrating from Goffton to FRCW

 

[Blewy]

Randy Banks disowned by Uncle Brendon Goff for migrating from Goffton to FRCW

Correct.... TRAITOR!!!!

 

[Magrat Garlick]

Oxenstierna in happier times

CWLand's highest ranked player, Sven Oxenstierna, considers a rethink of his October schedule following last year's disappointing autumn performance, which included notable wins over Daniel Páez and Jefferson Drake in a final, but also painful losses to Juan Moreno, Davis Kennedy, Danes Kasper Buur (world No. 105) and Rasmus Olesen, as well as Randy Smeltz in the prestigious end-of-year national championship. Oxenstierna says that the Stockholm tournament is still a priority despite the horror show last year, but also says he has to consider ATP commitments.

"I'd rather like to get some decent training done after the CW Open," Oxenstierna says. "If we're allowed to skip masters without big fines this year, I would like to take 3-4 weeks out of the game and work on some technical details to come back strongly in October and November. If that's not possible, though, I fear the jetlag after competing in Shanghai will be too much to make a decent effort at the Stockholm tournament."

Oxenstierna declined to make an extensive comment following charges that he had "succumbed to financial pressures" when ditching Auckland for the ExxonMobil Open in Qatar in his preparations for the first Slam of the year, but noted that "if I wanted cheap money I'd probably choose a tournament that didn't have most of the top ten in it."

Oxenstierna also affirmed his commitment to CWLand, stating that "Düsseldorf and the Davis Cup are high priorities this year. I had a great Team Cup last year and enjoyed my trips with the team to Germany; even if political developments have weakened the team, we have one of the world's strongest doubles pairings, and should go in as favourites in the play-offs." He named injuries and the as yet unscheduled play-off match as the largest threats to a big team title this year.

When asked about the political problems of his planned doubles pairing with Jamee Hancianu, who has been fronted by the East Robbham regime as a star athlete of the new era, Oxenstierna emphasised that "all of us have friends in the so-called democratic republic. It is important that we keep all ties that the regimes allow alive."

z

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

An attractive man.

 

[SirBloody Idiot]

Bachunelli fancies his chances

Ahead of his finals appearance in tomorrow's Brisbane International, Italian World No. 37 Antonio Bachunelli has told Australian television station Channel Seven that he feels confident that he can win his maiden tour championship.

"I'm feeling very good and playing well," Bachunelli told reporters following his straight sets victory over Australian Rod Bosnar. "Last year was not so good and I [did] not play well every time, but I feel I started really well this week."

Tomorrow's final is his second at ATP level following a 3-6, 4-6 loss to Tiago Matias on the clay of Houston, and the Italian said he believes he has what it takes to beat opponent Randy Smeltz. "He's not started too good, so I know if I can get a big start I am in position to beat him.

"I think my best is better than his, so I need to bring my weapons and if I do I think I will win."

 

[Simon]

Smeltz Confident

World number 18 Randy Smeltz seemed in a relaxed mood ahead of his ATP Tour final in Brisbane today, when approached by the media and told of his opponents confidence Smeltz replied with "Who the **** is this bloke?" "He's never even won a chook raffle and he claims he has my measure?" Please...

Despite a number of unimpressive performances in the previous two rounds Smeltz is an unbackable favourite with most betting agencies, centrebet.com have Smeltz at $1.20 and Bachunelli a rank outsider at $4.00

 

[Magrat Garlick]

Czech No. 1 expected to take title
Faces favoured opponent

Czech Athlete of the Year Radek Špidlá has a very good chance of netting another title and over 3 million koruny as he takes the court with one of his most favoured opponents. Instead of facing Daniel Páez, the World No. 2 and French Open winner, Špidlá will meet the only player of the world top six that has never had the better of the Czech serving champion.

The two-time Masters series champion claimed in a comment to Lidové noviny that "despite beating him four times, I need to be at the top of my game to win a fifth." Špidlá struggled to break the serve of Croat Miroslav Brdar in the semi-final, but took a vital win in the third set; Oxenstierna, mainly noted for his running and low error rate, is likely to give more opportunities in a more open match.

The taciturn, Swedish-born CWLander was tight-lipped about his prospects in the post-match press conference, preferring to talk about his recent performance against Páez. However, that win was slightly tainted as the Spaniard's serve was completely absent; Páez served at slightly less than 45 % in an encounter barely worthy of the semi-final name.

Petr Novák, Lidové noviny

 

[Johnners]

East CW Land Represent!
Delev lands first blow

CW Land Democratic Republic's Spas Delev has landed the first Grand Slam blow against their bitter Western rivals by upsetting 29th seed Jojo Mustard in the 3rd round of the Australian open overnight. Confidence was high on the western side of the Great CW Wall after Mustard took the first set 6-4, as things looked to be going as planned. Delev, however, had other plans, as the temperamental bulgarian-born Easterner upped the ante to claim the second set in impressive fashion 6-3. From there on in, it was the diminutive world no.73 who controlled the outcome of the match eventually winning in 4, 4-6 6-3 6-4 6-3.

Delev was not without his troubles though, almost blowing it in what was the most important game of the match. A 1 set a piece, and serving for the 3rd at 5-4, Delev handed Jojo 3 break back points, only for the 29th seed to live up to his "Mustard" name and waste his chance to regain the ascendency as Spas saved all 3 break points and served it out to take the set 6-4. The spectators could have been forgiven at times for thinking that this was actually a re-enactment of the now defunct womens tour, as both players struggled to hold serve at crucial moments throughout the course of the match.

Speaking with Delev after the match, the Davistow resident felt he had all but broken the resolve of Mustard after that vital last game of the 3rd set.

"I felt pretty nervous out there serving to close out the 3rd, and the double first up certainly didn't help! I knew though, even whilst facing 3 break points, that Jojo didn't have the topki to hold his nerve and break back at such a vital moment in the match"

"Once I had it back to 30-40 I could see he was broken, and that the set, and match, was mine for the taking. Not to say the final set didn't have it's moments though, but I knew I had it in me, this one's for Nykänen"

"Altman will be a tough opponent in the 4th, he's the 9th seed, and has a vastly different style of play to mine, but I'm up for the challenge, bring it on!

 

[Mister Wright]

Mustard Praises Delev

Australian Open 29th seed JoJo Mustard has congratulated Spas Delev on his third round victory in a hard fought four set affair. In the post match interview Mustard said he felt the pressure of the bitter West v East rivalry, but still felt he had the game to defeat Delev.

"I'll admit I felt some pressure as this was the first West v East rivalry at a grand slam, I really wanted the West to come out on top." Mustard said.

"I really thought I had the upper hand in the first set, and I was really confident, but to Spas' credit he hit back hard and in the end he was more aggressive and that is what got him the money."

Asked if he felt that playing doubles together in Sydney had given Delev an insight into his play Mustard quipped that he would have preferred to see Delev use that aggression during their doubles campaign.

"I don't know that he picked up any sort of weakness on my part during Sydney, but we sure as hell would have won the tournament if he had of been that aggressive. I guess he was holding out on me..."

Mustard will now turn his attention to the doubles draw where he and familiar partner Heath Davis will attempt to win their second grand slam.

 

[SirBloody Idiot]

Aussie officials on alert for doubles flashpoint
Security bumped up in wake of East-West meeting

AUSTRALIAN officials are expected to increase security numbers at Sunday's doubles final by at least fifty per cent following news that West CWLand's Heath Davis and Jojo Mustard would appear in the match.

Coming from a set down to beat Italy's Sandro Bachunelli and Morocco's Hicham Hadir, the Federal Republic of CWLand's top team booked a showdown with the Democratic Republic of CWLand's top side Jefferson Drake and Martti Korpinen.

The showdown marks the second match between players from either side of the recently divided nation that experienced political turmoil late last year with the election the socialist East Democratic Party.

"We aren't privy to all the political happenings in CWLand, but we are obviously concerned about providing a good atmosphere for fans to watch the final in," head of security Doug Johns said. "Doubles tennis has received a great deal of popularity since its introduction to the ATP tour, and we need to protect the interests of a large crowd with a lot of families."

In the third round of the singles draw, a showdown between the CDR's Spas Delev and FRC's Jojo Mustard was marred by the ejection of eleven East CWLand nationals who continued the display to outside of the courts where they threw plastic chairs before being arrested.

"We've no doubt of the spirit the match will be played in, but the scenes last week and the stakes of this match have made it necessary to increase our personnel at the match."

 

[Magrat Garlick]

September: Rivers 'Snubbed' For Davis Cup
Outspoken criticism of Western players

Western CWLand tennis pundit Jon September attempted to stir some pots as he mused on the selections for the sell-out Davis Cup play-off in Stedingham. In a national television programme yesterday, September stated that Scotland Rivers, the up-and-coming talent with a Challenger title and a share of the All-Island bronze medal, should have been a "nailed-on first" for the intra-island clash, despite the Western doubles players showing form in the second week of the Australian Open.

"Rivers' recent record speaks for itself," September noted. "He's beaten pretty much every Eastern player of note recently, and in the past three months you've had to be a world top ten player to beat him. He played excellent tennis in the nationals, took a set off one of the best players in the world in the Australian Open, and really appeared to take his chances even though it didn't quite come off against Páez. I think he has been snubbed and that the rankings can't really be trusted in this case."

Fans of the more established players of CWLand are expected to pour out considerable vitriol through their keyboards against this unorthodox statement, but nevertheless, since the end of the Shanghai Masters tournament Scotland Rivers has a 10-5 record in the major tournaments, including the intra-island championship. This compares very favourably to Jojo Mustard's 8-5, including a Slam defeat to the East's joker Spas Delev, and Heath Davis' 9-8 record. Only Sven Oxenstierna's 14-8 compares vaguely, and this is skewed by easy draws due to his high seeding.

September declined to comment on Rivers' lack of the in-vogue power game, choosing instead to wax lyrical about his consistent first serve and desire to attack the net. However, this style would have made it tough to find a court who would fit into all Western players' strengths, as the leading player, the dour accountant Oxenstierna, prefers slower surfaces and would like the ball to come on to his racket. Jojo Mustard is also a player who can do well on the slower courts, but is struggling for form at present. One nevertheless assumes that this is the choice of clay to be strewn on the arena in Stedingham, as a quick court would also play to the strengths of the Eastern No 1, the inimitable Jefferson Drake, who is reported to have grave doubts about his ability to play gruelling rallies on the clay courts.

September was also highly critical of the efforts of Mustard and Davis in the Melbourne season opener. The two, who worked their way up through the PTA ranks in the early season when ranking points were cheap, has seen considerable doubles success and two Grand Slam titles - a remarkable effort - but September thinks it has been to the detriment of their singles game.

"Anyone can see that," he claimed in the heated panel discussion on Channel Eleven's Tennis Week. "Davis had some bad luck with injuries but won a big tournament here in Pickford last year, then he goes to play doubles and bang, he starts losing to no-name Italians. As for Mustard, well, he's probably just lucky to have stayed clear of injuries. He should fall out of the seeds pretty soon I'll imagine, he has never won a tournament and doesn't really possess a serve to challenge the big boys. I guess they're happy playing doubles in front of three-digit crowds, and I suppose the doubles match is worth one point and we need someone to play Drake/Korpinen."

September was slightly more moderate in his criticism of Sven Oxenstierna, but noted that he needed to show some more flamboyance to defend his position as the island's number-one player.

Rumours are that the winning federation will be able to cash in several tens of millions of CWLand dollars (or several billions of People's dollars following recent hyperinflation) in sponsorships, ticket sales and TV rights for the Davis Cup clashes with big tennis nations such as the USA, Spain and Argentina, while the loser could face a struggle through unglamorous, but perhaps almost equally difficult, ties in Israel, Ukraine or F.Y.R. Macedonia.

The match, then, will have a high monetary value in addition to the huge amounts of political prestige already bearing on it; a number of Eastern politicians and government news outlets celebrated Delev's Slam victory over Mustard as a "victory for the system" but that the West were the only part of the island to be represented in the quarter-final of the tournament was only to be found in small print in the Worker's Daily.

 

[SirBloody Idiot]

Surfing the Web with Greg March
Fans divided on Rivers omission

Just last night I tuned into Week in Tennis and listened to 'pundit' Jon September lambaste interim West CWLand selectors for apparently snubbing Scotland Rivers for the Davis Cup tie against the East this weekend. So annoyed at his suggestion that a top 30 player and French Open quarter finalist was not a worthy member of the side, I decided to vent my frustrations online as any concerned fan should.

But after venturing into the Go West section of menstennisforums, I was met by a sharply divided set of comments on Mr. September's opinions. Maybe, just maybe, he might have a point. Here were a selection of these comments:

i actually think he has a point.rivers was really good against Blanco and was too good for some of the other guys.we need to give some of these younger players a go if we want to be up there in future years!

Pretty ordinary thoughts, tbh. Mustard is a Grand Slam quarter finalist and has achieved a lot more than Rivers ever has. It would be a massive gamble to put in a guy who has never beaten any one of Drake or Smeltz's quality.

Bearing in mind, of course, he did in Chennai. Nevertheless...

what the **** is he talking about? rivers is a hack

Does it really matter? Whoever wins is just gonn a get beaten by Spain so they can play whoever they want.

I agree with him. Mustard will be playing doubles anyway and was so muggy against Delev at Melbourne. At least Rivers can make his own pace, whilst Mustard is just a pusher. I can't see us winning here.

Perhaps it is time to call up Brett Read?