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Jokes in the Herald Sun

A

Ambidextrous

Cricket Spectator
England won the ashes.

also being unbiased, they are great jokes, but in retrospect seem silly now that the australians have lost the series.

the england team is just the official name for a team that is actually England and Wales. (Geraint jones/simon jones) Andrew Strauss was brought up in england and is pretty english despite his SA family. KP is the only real foreigner.

the Australian squad has quite a few english born players, just go check it out.
 
BoyBrumby

BoyBrumby

Englishman
Ambidextrous said:
England won the ashes.

also being unbiased, they are great jokes, but in retrospect seem silly now that the australians have lost the series.

the england team is just the official name for a team that is actually England and Wales. (Geraint jones/simon jones) Andrew Strauss was brought up in england and is pretty english despite his SA family. KP is the only real foreigner.

the Australian squad has quite a few english born players, just go check it out.
Click to expand...
I can only think of one (Symonds), but could be wrong. Last English-born player before him to play for the dark side was Tony Dell way back in the early 70s & he only played a coupla tests.
 
Scaly piscine

Scaly piscine

Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Time for an update...


Q. What does Adam Gilchrist and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An Australian batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Jason Gillespie put in his hands to make sure the next ball
almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What would Steve Harmison be if he was an Australian?
A. An allrounder. THE BEST cos its true!!!!

Q. What do you call someone who averages more than Bradman?
A. Jason Gillespie

Q. What is the Australian version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian
batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Why is Shane Warne the unluckiest Australian player?
A. Because he was born in Australia.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Australians Suffer Horrific England Series.

Q. What's the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the Australian
team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
 
Last edited:
T

Tom Halsey

International Coach
Scaly piscine said:
Time for an update...


Q. What does Adam Gilchrist and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An Australian batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Jason Gillespie put in his hands to make sure the next ball
almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What would Steve Harmison be if he was an Australian?
A. An allrounder. THE BEST cos its true!!!!

Q. What do you call someone who averages more than Bradman?
A. Jason Gillespie

Q. What is the Australian version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian
batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Why is Shane Warne the unluckiest Australian player?
A. Because he was born in Australia.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Australians Suffer Horrific England Series.

Q. What's the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the Australian
team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
Click to expand...
:D

The Aussies really do look stupid now.
 
T

The Baconator

International Vice-Captain
Scaly piscine said:
Time for an update...


Q. What does Adam Gilchrist and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An Australian batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Jason Gillespie put in his hands to make sure the next ball
almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What would Steve Harmison be if he was an Australian?
A. An allrounder. THE BEST cos its true!!!!

Q. What do you call someone who averages more than Bradman?
A. Jason Gillespie

Q. What is the Australian version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian
batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Why is Shane Warne the unluckiest Australian player?
A. Because he was born in Australia.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Australians Suffer Horrific England Series.

Q. What's the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the Australian
team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
Click to expand...
Nice, someone had to do it. Particularly like the Gillespie one.
 
jlo33692

jlo33692

U19 Debutant
barmy army tune from paper in oz

"You all live in a convict colony," *to the tune of Yellow Submarine.

We are a convict colony,
We carry balls and chains,
Our blokes are mainly beach bums who
Are really far too vein,
We like to go a-shooting,
Or shag a kangaroo,.
Our culture amounts to no more,
Than Rolf and his Didgeridoo.
You may have seen our cricket team,
They are an ugly mob,
We've got the McGrath the bank robber,
And Waugh with his loud gob,
Is that kid really Gilchrists' son?
Or Slaters? It's hard to tell,
Shane Warne has launched his own wine range,
With names he cannot spell.
We like to go Pommie bashing,
Well, what else can we do?
For they have got some history,
And first hand culture too,
We think that if we win the Tests,
We'll be a stronger place,
But still the cash of this nation,
Displays the Pom Queens face
 
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