Neil Pickup
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Never read Glory Gardens. Tell me which bits run it too close.chooka_nick said:
If anyone wants to read larger bits, get me on MSN (address in signature)
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Children's Cricket Stories
- Thread starter Neil Pickup
- Start date
If anyone wants to read larger bits, get me on MSN (address in signature)
Neil Pickup
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Time for another short(ish) update, I think.
I'm finding my Christmas holidays even more barren than I could have possibly expected in terms of things-to-do. The story (which still needs to acquire a title from somewhere) has now broken through the 12,000 word barrier (42 pages in terms of book size) and is just beginning to gather speed. Most of the childrens' personalities are now, I think, obvious and we're about to hit the central development points of the plot.
The following extract comes from chapter three, Bowled Over, as Bradstock play their first game against South Wootton school.
Whether everything Tim had said about micro-turbulence was true or not, the ball was definitely moving around and neither Lewis nor Justin were able to achieve much more than making contact with the ball. Both boys were lucky as they scored boundaries off the edge of the bat, but they were doing enough to keep the straight ones out as well as benefiting from a few wides, the South Wootton bowlers struggling to control the swing at times. They had seen off the first opening bowler but as his team mate began his fourth, and last permitted, over, Lewis knew that they weren’t scoring quickly enough.
He stepped across the second ball of the over and flicked it neatly past the diving wicket keeper for four before repeating the shot off the next ball. There was no way the bowler would let him play that shot again, he’d be lucky to get another ball on his legs for the rest of the over. Lewis convinced himself that the next delivery would be on the other side of the wicket, the off-side, and took a couple of steps backwards to give himself room to hit it in that direction. What he didn’t expect was a ball that crashed into the bottom of the off-stump.
The South Wootton bowler was delighted, but Lewis felt the opposite. There were twelve overs left, and he’d got out to a silly shot. He flung his bat down on the floor and angrily kicked his gloves and helmet away and sat apart from the rest of the Bradstock team to gather his thoughts.
Jon Paul missed the last two balls of the over, before Justin watchfully played through the new bowler’s over, adding a wide and a delicately placed two runs that he squeezed through the off side.
Daniel went over to join his best friend. ‘Some good fours in there mate.’
Lewis’ mood failed to improve, even with his friend’s compliment. ‘Stupid way to finish it. It’s what Mr Heath said, not doing myself justice or whatever. I should’ve kept batting.’
‘Don’t beat yourself up too much, Justin can do that job, someone needed to quicken it up a bit.’
‘I’d already done that, and then I took it too far. I only hope JP doesn’t distract Justin.’
Daniel looked across to the middle. ‘Too late for that. He’s just done exactly what you did. One big slog for four and then one of the most obvious stumpings ever.’
I'm finding my Christmas holidays even more barren than I could have possibly expected in terms of things-to-do. The story (which still needs to acquire a title from somewhere) has now broken through the 12,000 word barrier (42 pages in terms of book size) and is just beginning to gather speed. Most of the childrens' personalities are now, I think, obvious and we're about to hit the central development points of the plot.
The following extract comes from chapter three, Bowled Over, as Bradstock play their first game against South Wootton school.
Whether everything Tim had said about micro-turbulence was true or not, the ball was definitely moving around and neither Lewis nor Justin were able to achieve much more than making contact with the ball. Both boys were lucky as they scored boundaries off the edge of the bat, but they were doing enough to keep the straight ones out as well as benefiting from a few wides, the South Wootton bowlers struggling to control the swing at times. They had seen off the first opening bowler but as his team mate began his fourth, and last permitted, over, Lewis knew that they weren’t scoring quickly enough.
He stepped across the second ball of the over and flicked it neatly past the diving wicket keeper for four before repeating the shot off the next ball. There was no way the bowler would let him play that shot again, he’d be lucky to get another ball on his legs for the rest of the over. Lewis convinced himself that the next delivery would be on the other side of the wicket, the off-side, and took a couple of steps backwards to give himself room to hit it in that direction. What he didn’t expect was a ball that crashed into the bottom of the off-stump.
The South Wootton bowler was delighted, but Lewis felt the opposite. There were twelve overs left, and he’d got out to a silly shot. He flung his bat down on the floor and angrily kicked his gloves and helmet away and sat apart from the rest of the Bradstock team to gather his thoughts.
Jon Paul missed the last two balls of the over, before Justin watchfully played through the new bowler’s over, adding a wide and a delicately placed two runs that he squeezed through the off side.
Daniel went over to join his best friend. ‘Some good fours in there mate.’
Lewis’ mood failed to improve, even with his friend’s compliment. ‘Stupid way to finish it. It’s what Mr Heath said, not doing myself justice or whatever. I should’ve kept batting.’
‘Don’t beat yourself up too much, Justin can do that job, someone needed to quicken it up a bit.’
‘I’d already done that, and then I took it too far. I only hope JP doesn’t distract Justin.’
Daniel looked across to the middle. ‘Too late for that. He’s just done exactly what you did. One big slog for four and then one of the most obvious stumpings ever.’
archie mac
International Coach
Reads well Neil, I had my 12 year old read this last part, he said it was 'cool' and he thought ten year olds should be okay with it.
It would be good if you can find someone to illustrate the book for you.
I did not know you were so far into the story. I just thought of a character, but I don't think it will go with your story now, perhaps I will save it for the sequel
It would be good if you can find someone to illustrate the book for you.
I did not know you were so far into the story. I just thought of a character, but I don't think it will go with your story now, perhaps I will save it for the sequel
Robertinho
Cricketer Of The Year
Neil, it looks great, 12,000 words already? I'd love to contribute to it, if you need me in anyway.
33/3from3.3
International Vice-Captain
WELL DONE NEIL . good stuff it,d be good to see the entire story on here when youve finished.
1 post per chapter
1 post per chapter
chooka_nick
International 12th Man
Ah, sorry I've just read this now.Neil Pickup said:
- There's already an all-rounder chick, called Erica Davies or somesuch.
- They have (steriotypically) an Australian allrounder who hits sixes and fields like a hyiena, a West Indies opener who plays like Chris Gayle (down to the accurate off-spin) and a little Indian batting maestro (can't remember his name though).
And God Neil, PLEASE dont put in the 'ex-crickter, eighty-year-old supercoach'! Even 'NIPS XI' had one of those...
Right arm fast
State Vice-Captain
glory gardens also had a teacher/coach
Son Of Coco
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Can we have Phil Tufnell as a smurf called 'Dropsy'?
Neil Pickup
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After we decided to add a girl to the story (which, in the interests of representing reality, we really had to as most primary school cricket team do have girls in - there are even some tournaments that insist on having mixed sides), we had two options - one, make her reasonably useful or two, have her stand around being female and doing little else. Which there really wouldn't be much point in. Her character is quite central to the development of a few of the others, such as her 'little' brother, Scott.chooka_nick said:
We don't have any massively stereotypical nationalities in the book - no West Indians, no Indians, no Aussies, so I'm not sure where you've picked that up from. I don't think I can consciously say that any of the children are based on anything other than huge composites of multiple different real characters - well, except Tim, who's a parody of myself aged eleven but less dislikeable.
The coach/teacher, Mr Heath, is in his mid-twenties, and I'm not intending on mentioning his cricketing abilities anywhere in the book as I don't think it will add anything.
@ Archie: Does your 12 year old fancy reading the whole thing? I can reasonably easily get hold of kids (8-12 is the target audience) in the UK to see what they think of it, but if we're going to try publishing it internationally (hey, why not?!) I need to know whether I cross the cultural barrier/divide/chasm (
) down under.
honestbharani
Whatever it takes!!!
Good stuff, Neil.
33/3from3.3
International Vice-Captain
he's going to publish it ???marc71178 said:
oh my bad
but what about the poor people Neil .
oh never mind
ill buy it maybe
archie mac
International Coach
Yes he would be happy toNeil Pickup said:@ Archie: Does your 12 year old fancy reading the whole thing? I can reasonably easily get hold of kids (8-12 is the target audience) in the UK to see what they think of it, but if we're going to try publishing it internationally (hey, why not?!) I need to know whether I cross the cultural barrier/divide/chasm (
Neil Pickup
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I can't pretend that didn't cross my mind when I was writing that bit. None of the fielders are going to be get stoned at any point, though.