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Battle of the Infamous Footballers
- Thread starter LongHopCassidy
- Start date
cpr
International Coach
Zlatan has the skill to back up the ego. Most of his ****ishness is sheer arrogance and bravado about himself. He's entertainment.
Shawcross gets it in the neck for one bad tackle, as Heef said, plenty of other players do that deliberately, and I can list of a whole number of footballing sweethearts who've nigh on ended a career with more malice.
Cashley screams Grade A ****tard though, pretty sure he's nailed on for the final in this.
Shawcross gets it in the neck for one bad tackle, as Heef said, plenty of other players do that deliberately, and I can list of a whole number of footballing sweethearts who've nigh on ended a career with more malice.
Cashley screams Grade A ****tard though, pretty sure he's nailed on for the final in this.
Furball
Evil Scotsman
Zlatan's getting robbed here. Yeah sure, Ashley Cole's a massive ****wit but I don't think Cole's been punted by a club for assaulting his team-mate. Ajax knew how talented Zlatan was but punted him on the cheap to Juventus after an incident involving him, Mido and a pair of scissors IIRC.
edit: turns out Zlatan was the innocent party in the scissors incident. He was sold for deliberately injuring Rafael van der Vaart in an international match.
edit: turns out Zlatan was the innocent party in the scissors incident. He was sold for deliberately injuring Rafael van der Vaart in an international match.
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marc71178
Eyes not spreadsheets
As much as he is a ****, I think the £55k thing is overplayed a lot. If you've been verbally promised a figure by your boss then he cuts it by just under 10% when it goes in writing, I think you'd be pretty pissed off about it - it's just that the numbers are that much bigger so it looks worse.
Zlatan.
Zlatan.
BoyBrumby
Englishman
Zlatan looks as swarthy as a Herge villain and does seem exactly the kind of **** who would refer to himself in the third person ("If I was Pep Guardiola I'd be basing Barcelona around Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Making Zlatan Ibrahimovic the focus of attack & playing to Zlatan Ibrahimovic's strengths"), but still have to go with Cashley.
The lack of self awareness that makes him think anyone would have sympathy for only getting £55k a week is staggering. Let's not forget it was him who brought this nugget to the public's attention via his "auto"biography.
Plus, of course, he sticks mobiles where the sun don't shine:
The lack of self awareness that makes him think anyone would have sympathy for only getting £55k a week is staggering. Let's not forget it was him who brought this nugget to the public's attention via his "auto"biography.
Plus, of course, he sticks mobiles where the sun don't shine:
LongHopCassidy
International Captain
Result - Round 1, Battle 1
Ashley Cole - 8
Ryan Shawcross - 0
Zlatan Ibrahimovic - 4
Ashley Cole - 8
Ryan Shawcross - 0
Zlatan Ibrahimovic - 4
LongHopCassidy
International Captain
Round 1, Battle 2
Bruce Grobbelaar (Liverpool, Zimbabwe)
Crimes:
- Corrupt as ****
- Outed as match-fixer by The Sun, ultimately fined £1 by the House of Lords for his venality (yes, you read that right)
- Joined the Rhodesian army during civil war, killing several rebel fighters (tragically not one R. Mugabe)
- Declared bankruptcy to dodge legal costs incurred from counter-suing
- Mercilessly fouled an already-injured Gordon McQuay in 1983 League Cup final
- Grabbed teammate Steve McManaman by the throat, on the field, after a failed clearance
- Titled his autobiography More Than Somewhat, in a somewhat self-aggrandizing gesture
"He had in fact acted in a way in which no decent or honest footballer would act, and in a way which could, if not exposed and stamped on, undermine the integrity of a game which earns the loyalty and support of millions." - Lord Bingham during Grobbelaar's final case
"I was not going to tell anybody until I found out because that was the method the army taught me. Did the army also not teach that I should be able to cover my back if something goes wrong? Well, that's the gangster way, the mafia way." - On his decade of arse-covering
Robbie Savage (Leicester City, Wales)
Crimes:
- Nominated 'Dirtiest Player In League History' by Daily Mail
- Held then-record of most yellow cards in Premiership history (89)
- Accomplished diver, notably on Alan Shearer and Derby County
- Used referee's toilet without permission in 'Poogate', fined £10,000
- Aborted a climb up Kilimanjaro because he felt like his head was about to combust
- Employed as pundit in an industry-wide outreach to the lowest common denominator
- Went on Strictly Come Dancing; sucked
"I had finished my warm-up when Savage burst into the officials' changing room. I asked him to leave but he said: "I've got to use your loo, I'm busting for a ****." With that, he went into our toilet, sat down and, with the door wide open, he gave a running commentary as he defecated." - Lee Clayton
"Robbie Savage was a particular fan of what we in the trade call "cashing him off", which involves one player telling another how much money he has and how little money they have in comparison." - The Secret Footballer
“Bolton started the game with an intendency.” - Savage gets his GW Bush on as an ESPN pundit
"Just to let you know of me, not some pathetic journalist, I love Strictly and I'm not walking out because of a four. Craig Revel Horwood's marks inspire me. I'm going to prove him wrong!" - On being given a 4/10 in Strictly Come Dancing
Mario Balotelli (AC Milan, Italy)
Crimes:
- Scored a red card immediately after his debut goal in the Premier League
- Trespassed into a women's prison, presumably to lecture them on the virtues of simple living and hard graft
- Stamping on Scott Parker's head; four-match ban
- Throwing spiked darts at junior players
- Throwing hands at Micah Richards
- Tried to back-heel into an open goal against LA Galaxy; missed
- Set own bathroom on fire with fireworks he had on hand
- Three-match ban for intimidating referee
- Accused his birth parents of being 'glory hunters' after trying to contact him after his football star turn
- Offered mentoring services by Diego Maradona
- Has been assigned his own personal police chief by Milan to keep him out of trouble
"Leave me to live and you will see the difference!" - From his Twitter stream
"I told Cristiano Ronaldo that I would be better than him." - Presumably to Cristiano Ronaldo
"Why do you have £5,000 cash with you in this car?" "Because I am rich!" - Balotelli after being pulled over
"Leave Balotelli in peace. If I could have him here for a few minutes, I would take him in a room and tell him everything I did on and off the pitch." - Maradona has a few spare months
Bruce Grobbelaar (Liverpool, Zimbabwe)
Crimes:
- Corrupt as ****
- Outed as match-fixer by The Sun, ultimately fined £1 by the House of Lords for his venality (yes, you read that right)
- Joined the Rhodesian army during civil war, killing several rebel fighters (tragically not one R. Mugabe)
- Declared bankruptcy to dodge legal costs incurred from counter-suing
- Mercilessly fouled an already-injured Gordon McQuay in 1983 League Cup final
- Grabbed teammate Steve McManaman by the throat, on the field, after a failed clearance
- Titled his autobiography More Than Somewhat, in a somewhat self-aggrandizing gesture
"He had in fact acted in a way in which no decent or honest footballer would act, and in a way which could, if not exposed and stamped on, undermine the integrity of a game which earns the loyalty and support of millions." - Lord Bingham during Grobbelaar's final case
"I was not going to tell anybody until I found out because that was the method the army taught me. Did the army also not teach that I should be able to cover my back if something goes wrong? Well, that's the gangster way, the mafia way." - On his decade of arse-covering
Robbie Savage (Leicester City, Wales)
Crimes:
- Nominated 'Dirtiest Player In League History' by Daily Mail
- Held then-record of most yellow cards in Premiership history (89)
- Accomplished diver, notably on Alan Shearer and Derby County
- Used referee's toilet without permission in 'Poogate', fined £10,000
- Aborted a climb up Kilimanjaro because he felt like his head was about to combust
- Employed as pundit in an industry-wide outreach to the lowest common denominator
- Went on Strictly Come Dancing; sucked
"I had finished my warm-up when Savage burst into the officials' changing room. I asked him to leave but he said: "I've got to use your loo, I'm busting for a ****." With that, he went into our toilet, sat down and, with the door wide open, he gave a running commentary as he defecated." - Lee Clayton
"Robbie Savage was a particular fan of what we in the trade call "cashing him off", which involves one player telling another how much money he has and how little money they have in comparison." - The Secret Footballer
“Bolton started the game with an intendency.” - Savage gets his GW Bush on as an ESPN pundit
"Just to let you know of me, not some pathetic journalist, I love Strictly and I'm not walking out because of a four. Craig Revel Horwood's marks inspire me. I'm going to prove him wrong!" - On being given a 4/10 in Strictly Come Dancing
Mario Balotelli (AC Milan, Italy)
Crimes:
- Scored a red card immediately after his debut goal in the Premier League
- Trespassed into a women's prison, presumably to lecture them on the virtues of simple living and hard graft
- Stamping on Scott Parker's head; four-match ban
- Throwing spiked darts at junior players
- Throwing hands at Micah Richards
- Tried to back-heel into an open goal against LA Galaxy; missed
- Set own bathroom on fire with fireworks he had on hand
- Three-match ban for intimidating referee
- Accused his birth parents of being 'glory hunters' after trying to contact him after his football star turn
- Offered mentoring services by Diego Maradona
- Has been assigned his own personal police chief by Milan to keep him out of trouble
"Leave me to live and you will see the difference!" - From his Twitter stream
"I told Cristiano Ronaldo that I would be better than him." - Presumably to Cristiano Ronaldo
"Why do you have £5,000 cash with you in this car?" "Because I am rich!" - Balotelli after being pulled over
"Leave Balotelli in peace. If I could have him here for a few minutes, I would take him in a room and tell him everything I did on and off the pitch." - Maradona has a few spare months
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HeathDavisSpeed
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
This one's a tougher proposition. All utter ****s of the highest order.
I'll vote for Grobbelaar for being corrupt as well as a thug.
I'll vote for Grobbelaar for being corrupt as well as a thug.
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BoyBrumby
Englishman
Grobbelaar. One of those self-appointed larger-than-life "characters", who is, in actuality, another word that starts with a "c". See also Big Fat Racist Ron, Colin Wanker & Vinnie Jones.
Although I do remember one interview with a Saints fan after the match-fixing scandal broke saying he'd still rather have Grobbelaar trying to let goals in than Dave Beasant trying to stop them.
Although I do remember one interview with a Saints fan after the match-fixing scandal broke saying he'd still rather have Grobbelaar trying to let goals in than Dave Beasant trying to stop them.
fredfertang
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
All three have some mitigation. In Grobelaar's case he's just not very bright, and in Savage's he was just doing what he was paid for - I have more sympathy for Balatelli as I'm convinced he must have mental health problems - if he hasn't then he desrves to win but I can't see it so, for being a manufactured ****, indeed the Westlife of this competition:-
Robbie Savage
Robbie Savage
Uppercut
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Grobbelaar. It's close, because Savage really is a detestable little **** and a face-melter of a pundit, but there's something ultimately harmless about him. Grobbelaar's ****ishness seems a bit more deep-rooted.
Balo is much easier to sympathise with. As a wise man once said,
Balo is much easier to sympathise with. As a wise man once said,
I reckon Balo is in the first category and Grobbelaar and Savage are in the second.
Tom Halsey
International Coach
Grobbelaar.