Will he keep bobbing up like a bad hair day?
By R Mohan
Darrell Hair has put the ICC in a pickle. Having charged the Pakistani captain with ball tampering on the flimsy evidence of a biased umpire’s suspicions, the ICC would now have to do a lot to wriggle out of the Hair fallout. And to think the man is unrepentant after causing a second major upheaval in 10 years.
More than unrepentant, the Australian, now domiciled in England, was bullish to the extent of being ****y. “I’m a bloody good umpire”, he averred even as the world was watching the drama unfold at the Madugalle hearing at which the man stood exposed as a holy book-thumping zealot more than an international sports official.
Courage may be a career commodity in the armed forces. What may be expected in umpires in a genteel game like cricket are humane qualities. They are there for the smooth conduct of the game, not to be obstacles in the path of high strung international cricketers who are doing their best to win matches for their countries. The problem with umpires like Hair is they like to play God. In unilateral action, he wished to clean up the game of chucking, ball tampering and such other evils that may have overtaken it in the modern era.
With voices of support emanating from Down Under where they must believe he is an emerging cult hero, Hair might have begun to believe he was developing a halo. Inzamam and the Pakistan Cricket Board may have a strong case against Hair and the ICC. Knowing what lawyers did to Allan Lamb in libel action brought about by Imran Khan in the wake of the original ball tampering scandal in the 1990s, they might be tempted to sue for millions of pounds. There is no better legal system to take libel action than British jurisprudence.
The Pakistan captain has taken it well though, allowing his religious beliefs and his essential goodness to guide him to the extent of his forgiving Hair. Court dramas are basically not good for the game that suffered enough in the aftermath of Hair’s predetermined course of action in pouncing on the Pakistanis for tampering.
The problem is the ICC, regardless of what they say for public consumption, will not let go of Hair who will keep bobbin up like a bad hair day. They will probably sneak him into the World Cup on the pretext that everything is forgotten and that he has been forgiven. But umpiring is not a simple matter of getting most LBWs and caught behind wicket decisions right.
There is much more to keeping an international game going than ‘bloody’ good umpiring calls, which Hair in his hubris may not have understood, not in the Muttiah Muralitharan throwing episode, not in the ball tampering charge at the Oval, not in the manner he has been accustomed to behave in when umpiring games involving Asians. Akram has accused him of calling Pakistanis ‘monkeys’ at a game 10 years ago and Hair has not repudiated that.
Strangely, even before the inquiry into the Oval shindig had been held, the ‘bloody’ good umpire from Down Under had declared that he would be standing in the Champions Trophy. That should have earned him a prize not for courage but for cussedness. The ICC that rapped the Pakistanis for talking in public before the trial did not rein in its own employee.
The legal eagles, with the likes of Geoffrey Boycott going out to bat for them, got up a very good defence to deal a knockout blow that Madugalle upheld. To date, no action has been taken against an umpire who made a ruling on flimsy evidence. That is how principled the ICC can be when it comes to dealing with one of its favourite sons. Catch a cricketer so much as displaying one logo a centimeter too long and the long arm of the ICC would be cracking its whip on him with fines, suspensions.
There have been too many holes in the manner in which the so-called elite umpiring system has been run by a section of the ICC. The Hair imbroglio is a rare instance in which it got its comeuppance. And it was not Asian money and clout that swung the verdict this time as much as the blatant unfairness of one man’s actions being exposed cruelly by expert witnesses and the forensic examination of the ball in question.
There are Hair jokes on ball tampering that cannot be reproduced in a family newspaper. The strong feelings one man has triggered around the cricket world are real. Pray what will the ICC do with him now? Given its track record, it will probably hand him a medal and more assignments rather than a golden handshake he wanted at a phenomenal price of half a million dollars.