Might be commencing the 2000s ODI auction draft soon so might as well finish my line up for this one:
Cyberman: (Left hand bat) Dour opening bat concentrating primarily on survival. Well suited for batting, his hands are actually cricket gloves.
Malala Yousafzai (Right hand bat, captain) Courageous, inspirational leader and star bat. Survived bullets from the Taliban so no concerns over ‘teammate’ Tonya’s captaincy aspirations.
Beven Adinsall (Right hand bat, occasional right-arm medium) Forget that imposter Michael Bevan. The true, original Beven had the most spectacular mullet of all time, needed no excuse to belt out a John Farnham cover and could play the short ball.
Fat Cat (Right hand bat) Controversially overlooked for the Australian tour to Pakistan in 1982 in place of Greg Ritchie, Frederick Alphonso Tubsy Cat duly retired to further his television career. Throughout the remainder of his career, Ritchie was sarcastically referred to as ‘Fat Cat’ who most agreed had been the better batsman of the two.
Gary Ablett Snr (Right hand bat, Right arm medium) Freakish abilities in every facet of the game. Hit the winning runs and took two spectacular outfield grabs in the Dean Jones tribute game in ‘94. More recently took 3/4 off 7 overs for Torquay 4[SUP]th[/SUP] XI but is perhaps best known for leaping onto the shoulders of Gary Pert at the MCG to take what is widely regarded the catch of the century.
Kim Kardashian (Wicket-keeper, Right hand bat) From her extensive experience in
Keeping with the Kardashians of which I am of course an avid viewer, Kim will dazzle behind the stumps.
Billy Birmingham (Right Hand Bat, right arm leg spin). Makes his way into the starting XI. Handy slogger in the mould of Max Walker and bowls exactly how you would expect an 81 year old, beige jacket wearing Richie Benaud would bowl: very accurately.
Tonya Harding (Leg breaks, Right hand bat). Bowls surprisingly respectable leg spin. With the bat has been known to deliver the odd leg break too if a fielder gets too close.
Malcolm Tucker (Right hand bat, spinner, vice captain). ‘Cricket, that’s the English equivalent of sport isn’t it?’ said Tucker before his first cricket match, taking to the field and mercilessly sledging his Tory MP opponents. Heads up the spin quartet in this XI contributing offies with a slightly doubtful action.
Wicket W Warrick (Right arm slow, left hand bat) Ewok, short and round and likes his cricketers short and round. Bowls like Boon and bats like Herath but as his name suggests has a reputation as a useful partnership breaker. Once took 3/46 for Endor Colts.
Big Bird (Right hand bat, Right arm fast). Tall paceman who can generate disconcerting bounce and has a devastating yorker. Will share the new ball with Ablett. His protégé Joel Garner possessed such a similar bowling style that he was often referred to as Big Bird throughout his career.