*Official* Ashes 2023 Limerick Thread

[Son Of Coco]

Post all your Ashes related limericks here.

I'll start.

There was an aging man from Wir-ral
Who was a huge fan of Bazball
His team swung and they parried
Hence every catch carried
At summer's end, they had won **** all

 

[RossTaylorsBox]

There once was a man named Ben Duckett

 

[weeman27bob]

There once was an old chap called Moeen
Whose test recall was labelled obscene
Those men from Down Under
Dreamt of runs they'd plunder
Until he bowled all ten of them clean

 

[Son Of Coco]

There once was a young man from Kent
Who, after taking a wicket, loved to vent
He effed and he jeffed
Til he felt quite bereft
But talk of Bazball still made him pitch a tent

 

[Daemon]

There once was a boy named Ollie
Who bowled slower than many an Offie
He failed to delete
A decade old tweet
From which he was getting his jollies

 

[Aidan11]

There was a young man called Duckett

I think you guess the rest of that one.

 

[BoyBrumby]

Zac was a young batsman from Kent
Whose cock was so small that it meant
He'd slash wild outside
When the bowler sent it wide
And instead of coming, he went

 

[GIMH]

There was a great bloke called Joe Root
Would play ramp shots just for a hoot
He bats better than Marnus and Head
Smith too it must be said
They aren’t worthy of licking his boot

 

[Burgey]

There once was a spud named GIMH,
Whose team made his swonnicles shimmer.
They swung hard at the ball,
But their wickets did fall
Leaving Aus as inevitable winners.

 

[BoyBrumby]

There was an old batsman called Warner
Who'd masturbate in the corner
He practiced his stroke
'Til his dick he made smoke
Now it's four inches less than its former

 

[_Ed_]

GIMH,
shimmer.

Oh!

 

[Molehill]

There was a brash Aussie named Burge (y)
Whose posts induced vomitous urge
He'd incessantly talk
On where to stick a fork
Before he was shut up by an English upsurge

 

[Michelle Fivefer]

There was a young man called Duckett

I think you guess the rest of that one.

 

[Michelle Fivefer]

A promising batsman called Mike
Was as clever a bloke as you’d like.
Hope he knew being called FEC
Was not what he’d like it to be -
But something else beginning with C.

 

[BoyBrumby]

There was a tall bowler called Haze
Who swung it both of two ways
After Pat tossed the coin
He rubbed balls on his groin
And his eyes fogged with orgasmic glaze

 

[Burgey]

There was a brash Aussie named Burge (y)
Whose posts induced vomitous urge
He'd incessantly talk
On where to stick a fork
Before he was shut up by an English upsurge

Rent free

 

[Daemon]

Zac was a young batsman from Kent
Whose cock was so small that it meant
He'd slash wild outside
When the bowler sent it wide
And instead of coming, he went

There was an old batsman called Warner
Who'd masturbate in the corner
He practiced his stroke
'Til his dick he made smoke
Now it's four inches less than its former

There was a tall bowler called Haze
Who swung it both of two ways
After Pat tossed the coin
He rubbed balls on his groin
And his eyes fogged with orgasmic glaze

Seeing a pattern here..

 

[Michelle Fivefer]

Not the sharpest tool in the box,
Freddie Flintoff once hit the rocks.
His pedalo sank
Left him wet cold and dank
And naked except for his socks.

 

[Red_Ink_Squid]

There once was a captain Ben Stokes
Undoubtedly one of life's top blokes
His team was having great fun
Scoring run after run
And then
[limerick ends suddenly]

 

[Michelle Fivefer]

Zac was a young batsman from Kent
Whose cock was so small that it meant
He'd slash wild outside
When the bowler sent it wide
And instead of coming, he went