Still trying to figure out how on earth you can justify giving JP a 5 for a majestic batting average of 8.
Because no one wants to offend, I was watching closely this series and I think I can judge
Cook - 5 = Put on appearances
Jennings - 0 = Bats like Helen Keller had cerebral palsy and a prosthetic leg
Ballance - 0 = Bats like Helen Keller had cerebral palsy and cowardice
Westley - 1 = Bats like Malala Yousafzai trying to fend off bullets from terrorists
Malan - 0 = Did he even bat?
Root - 7 = Did things, still disappointed
Stokes - 5 = Who cares
Dawson - 0 = Legspin deserves to die
Moeen - 10 = Literally the Allah of all-rounders
Bairstow - 5 = Did things
Wood - 0 = Useful as a paraplegic trying to take the stand on trial
Broad - 6 = Did his job
Anderson - 8 = The world's 72nd best fast bowler ever did his work well
Roland-Jones - 8 = Did well for someone with a hyphenated name.
Elgar - 6.5 = Dropped many, failed and then succeeded.
Kuhn - 0 = Kuhnt bat
Amla - 5.5 = Waning by the day
de Kock - 4.5 = Did alright behind the stumps, pity about the front
du Plessis - 3 = Was he even there?
de Bruyn - 0 = Bruynless batting
Bavuma - 5 = Like having the most foreskin at Hannukah, was overrated among the ruins of the series in addition to being already overrated just because he can occasionally run someone out when he isn't trying to duck short of a length balls and getting bowled.
Duminy - 10 = Exceeded expectations
Morris - 4 = Did his part, what little there was
Rabada - 4 = Occasional good delivery in between bowling trash and abusing people unjustly.
Olivier - 3 = His part this series will surely be remembered by someone.
Morkel - 0 = He was the best for South Africa, but the fact after 10 years he still hasn't learned to bowl full means he deserves nothing. Just retire already, you hack.
Philander - 0 = If only test cricket was a Big Mac and a diet coke.
Maharaj - 2 = Gets points for being there.