Weakest sledges

[Bijed]

Post here the most cringeworthy, pathetic and generally weak sledges you've ever heard (or dished out)

 

[Bahseph]

One that always makes me laugh is Rohit telling Steyn to "come to India" after he proved himself there over two tours.

Personally, I once told a batsman that my gran could play the hook better than him, he then proceeded to hook me for a couple of fours.

 

[MW1304]

I once heard about a guy who went down a slope that was too rocky. It broke after like one hit, pretty poor.

 

[fredfertang]

I played once against a Reading University Academic Staff XI, a few of whom chirped a good deal. I went out to bat when we were about 120-8 needing another dozen or so to win, so an interesting game

I didn't take any notice of their 'keeper before I settled down to face my first delivery and then heard him growl "**** me you're a fat bastard, I can't even see the bloody umpire your arse is so big".

Stung by this (at the time I was carrying a bit of timber, but to put that in context I am 5'11'' and would have been about 15 stone and probably a tad under that) I stood back and turned to this gobshite, only to see he was about 5'8'' and 18 stone - had he been a long thin streak of piss he'd have really got to me but as it was I had to smile, winked at him and got on with the game

 

[Kirkut]

Brings me to 07/08 Border Gavaskar Trophy in Aus, back then Indian players took sledges personally instead of casual fun. I remember in Adelaide test Michael Clarke sledged Tendulkar by calling him too old and to retire, Sehwag reacts by saying something similar to "Do you know how many runs he has scored? Do you know how many centuries he has made?"

 

[TheJediBrah]

One that always makes me laugh is Rohit telling Steyn to "come to India" after he proved himself there over two tours.

Personally, I once told a batsman that my gran could play the hook better than him, he then proceeded to hook me for a couple of fours.

Really thought that was going to go a different way

 

[Starfighter]

Brings me to 07/08 Border Gavaskar Trophy in Aus, back then Indian players took sledges personally instead of casual fun. I remember in Adelaide test Michael Clarke sledged Tendulkar by calling him too old and to retire, Sehwag reacts by saying something similar to "Do you know how many runs he has scored? Do you know how many centuries he has made?"

That's a non sequitur from Sehwag. Scoring runs in the past doesn't mean you're any good in the present.

 

[Burgey]

Had some weak as piss blokes sledge some of the kids in the team a mate and I had dropped down the grades to play with. Woeful **** it was. Then they started on the two of us while we were batting with just dumb stuff like "Go back to A grade". Really low brow ****.

Was enough to give my mate the shits though, so instead of bowling third change off two steps like he usually did, he asked for the new ball, took 7/10 off his full run up and we rolled them for 40. He's about 6'4" and 110kg so it was quite an imposing sight for them, as well as being way to quick. I think we won by an innings and about 150.

The quality of sledging seems to be proportionate to the grade you play. Some of the stuff you hear in low grade cricket is what you'd expect from a play ground spat among six year olds. Dire.

 

[TheJediBrah]

That's a non sequitur from Sehwag too. Scoring runs in the past doesn't mean you're any good in the present.

I think that's the point. A very weak sledge from Sewhag.

 

[honestbharani]

Harbhajan getting out first ball and then yelling "**** you" at the bowler.. Think it was a spinner as well. Was just hilarious at many levels.

 

[Starfighter]

Harbhajan getting out first ball and then yelling "**** you" at the bowler.. Think it was a spinner as well. Was just hilarious at many levels.

It was Kevin Pietersen, of all egos to encounter.

KP: Are you going to walk for the bowled?
Harbhajan: **** you

More reasons why Harbhajan's such a ****.

 

[honestbharani]

yeah.. not first ball. My bad.

 

[OverratedSanity]

I don't think Harbhajan even understood what KP was telling him tbh. What a ****, regardless.

 

[weeman27bob]

I don't think Harbhajan even understood what KP was telling him tbh. What a ****, regardless.

Harbhajan is a **** too

 

[fredfertang]

Harbhajan is a **** too

Certainly not a gifted intellectual

 

[Shri]

Tennis ball match after I started going bald:

Keeper: "Xyz, you've always wanted to hit someone on the head with a bouncer. You are not going to get a bigger forehead than this ****'s to aim at."

Bowler bounced me but bowled it wide on the off-side. Given that it was a tennis ball, the pace was taken off after it pitched too and it slowly passed me by. Only had to smirk at the both of them. The others kept sarcastically calling him a 'fast' bowler and he ****ing lost it quickly.

 

[Lillian Thomson]

It's years since I've played anything resembling "serious" cricket. It tends to be the odd friendly game here and there for a pub or club. A couple of years ago I played and missed twice and then edged the third ball over the keeper for four. He said "Are you always such a lucky ****". I said "Yep, every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a biscuit". It didn't actually make any sense, I'd just always wanted to say it ever since it entered sledging folklore and my chances were running out, so I decided to just say it next time anyone said anything while I was batting.

 

[honestbharani]

Harbhajan is a **** too

Think dats wat OS meant.

 

[Furball]

Think dats wat OS meant.

ffs

 

[Furball]

It's years since I've played anything resembling "serious" cricket. It tends to be the odd friendly game here and there for a pub or club. A couple of years ago I played and missed twice and then edged the third ball over the keeper for four. He said "Are you always such a lucky ****". I said "Yep, every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a biscuit". It didn't actually make any sense, I'd just always wanted to say it ever since it entered sledging folklore and my chances were running out, so I decided to just say it next time anyone said anything while I was batting.

Outstanding.