**Official** New Zealand in South Africa

[wellAlbidarned]

Ffs, stop ****ing backing away

Overall, that second innings takes our overall performance rating from "diabolically disasterous" to the giddy heights of "****ing terrible". Well played brownlie and BJ. Oh and Captain Intent deserves a mention too.

 

[benchmark00]

Few more bikini shots to finish off.

 

[Howsie]

ah well, a fitting end to the test careers of Patel, Franklin and Martin I think.

 

[ohnoitsyou]

lols

 

[hendrix]

What an appalling shot. Just screams "I don't give a ****".

Dropping offence, surely?

**** no.

missing straight balls/wafting at deliveries outside off/being a **** opener/etc far worse than the spinner playing a **** shot to the most intimidating fast bowler in the world.

 

[Scaly piscine]

Kallis will be gutted at that run out.

 

[straw man]

Lol Martin, turned around like an articulated truck there.

Well done South Africa.

 

[Mike5181]

ah well, a fitting end to the test careers of Patel, Franklin and Martin I think.

I doubt this is the last we'll see of Chris Martin unfortunately. South Africa gifted him too many wickets.

 

[CWB304]

I blame McCullum.

 

[Spark]

Gee, a diamond duck to end a Test must surely be a first.

 

[hendrix]

nah seriously Philander, Kallis, Steyn.

I mean this NZ team is ****ing ****, but seriously gotta pay tribute to Kallis, Steyn and Philander.

really, all of them are pushing into that legendary status

 

[Bahnz]

ah well, a fitting end to the test careers of Patel, Franklin and Martin I think.

I know that we'd all love it to be otherwise, but there's no way that that trio won't be selected for the 2nd test.

 

[Spiced]

Why do they call Martin the "phantom"?

Just put a red dot on his "hair band" and call him MR kamikaze.

 

[straw man]

I blame McCullum.

I think the chain of scapegoatage goes

Mike Hesson - for being an allround ****, though he may prove to be untouchable
James Franklin - although he plays only a bit part he does that bit part incredibly poorly
Chris Martin - because everyone knows when the batting fails it's best to drop a bowler


Have to give McCullum the benefit of the doubt whether he deserves it or not

 

[Briony]

After Brownlie went there wasn't a lot of resistance.

 

[Bahnz]

Why do they call Martin the "phantom"?

Coz he's there one minute and gone the next.

 

[Meridio]

Better effort in the second innings, but that's not really much consolation after being rolled for 45.

For the second test, Franklin has to go - off the top of my head Munro is the only other batsman over there, so he comes in. He'll be ****, but hopefully he can get something out of it. Martin's figures look alright this test, but he's way, way past it and looks completely innocuous - Wagner should come in. Patel's also had a **** test, but being the only spinner he'll likely be retained. Guptill obviously also awful, but there's no one else that could come in for him. It's a pity, I like Guptill and admire his attitude to the game, but he just hasn't performed at all since the WI tour.

 

[Prince EWS]

Better effort in the second innings, but that's not really much consolation after being rolled for 45.

For the second test, Franklin has to go - off the top of my head Munro is the only other batsman over there, so he comes in. He'll be ****, but hopefully he can get something out of it. Martin's figures look alright this test, but he's way, way past it and looks completely innocuous - Wagner should come in. Patel's also had a **** test, but being the only spinner he'll likely be retained. Guptill obviously also awful, but there's no one else that could come in for him. It's a pity, I like Guptill and admire his attitude to the game, but he just hasn't performed at all since the WI tour.

Bruce Martin is also there ftr if you really do want to drop Jeets.

 

[benchmark00]

Bruce Martin

If that isn't the name of a journeyman I don't know what is.

 

[Mike5181]

Better effort in the second innings, but that's not really much consolation after being rolled for 45.

For the second test, Franklin has to go - off the top of my head Munro is the only other batsman over there, so he comes in. He'll be ****, but hopefully he can get something out of it. Martin's figures look alright this test, but he's way, way past it and looks completely innocuous - Wagner should come in. Patel's also had a **** test, but being the only spinner he'll likely be retained. Guptill obviously also awful, but there's no one else that could come in for him. It's a pity, I like Guptill and admire his attitude to the game, but he just hasn't performed at all since the WI tour.

1. Martin Guptill
2. Brendon McCullum
3. Kane Williamson
4. Dean Brownlie
5. Daniel Flynn
6. BJ Watling+
7. Colin Munro
8. Neil Wagner
9. Doug Bracewell
10. Jeetan Patel
11. Trent Boult

Doubt Martin will be dropped.