Round 1, Battle 10
Mohammad Asif (Pakistan)
Crimes:
- Suspended for being a drug cheat (exonerated after a lengthly boo-****ing-hoo), 2006
- Suspended for being a drug cheat, 2009
- Third stooge of the spot fixing scandal
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Drug smuggling in the UAE
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Attempted extortion of his fiance
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Hide yo kids, hide yo wife
"Run faster, ****er!" - Salman Butt to Asif just before he bowled his incriminating no-ball
"I didn't do anything wrong. There was one no-ball and, whatever the scenario was behind it, I described it in the court. There are lots of things and it will be in my book, which will be launched very soon." - Foreword to
Asif: It's Tough Being Me
"It is hard to see how this could be an isolated occurrence for you." - Justice Cooke hands down his judgment on the above quote
"I am hopeful that I will come out of the problem that I found myself in unwittingly." - Which problem, Mohammad?
Idiot.
FFS what a waste of talent.
If true (not the detention but the posession), then Asif must rank as one of the most stupid and arrogant guys on the face of the planet
Arjuna Ranatunga (Sri Lanka)
Crimes:
- Chronic troll
- BMI in triple figures
- Six-match ban for
being an omnidouche against England
- Dodged said ban by threatening to sue the ICC
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THAT'S RACIST
-
So is that
-
And that
- Now Sri Lanka's deputy minister for tourism for outstanding contribution to international relations
"You don't get a runner for being an unfit, fat ****." - Ian Healy after Ranatunga called for a runner
"The least enjoyable match I've ever played in." - Alec Stewart on a game after Ranatunga led his players off the field for 15 minutes
"Stand over there." - Ranatunga to umpire Ross Emerson after no-balling Murali in 1999
"Put a Mars Bar on a good length, that should get him." - Merv Hughes
"He was always very quick to try to gain sympathy by portraying Sri Lanka as the new kids on the block when it appeared they had become as adept as any at gamesmanship." - Shane Warne
But I do believe Ranatunga and Ganguly will be remembered more for being pricks in Aust than anything.
It's the Ross Emerson-Murali show.
With Tony Greig sticking up for the disgusting Ranatunga.
Matthew Hayden (Australia)
Crimes:
- FTB
-
Smashed a door after being dismissed in a Sydney Ashes Test
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Called India a third world country after one too many delays
- Plagiarised own grandma with cookbook recipe 'Grandma's Christmas Pudding'
-
Challenged Ishant Sharma to a boxing fight after the 2008 Sydney Test
"It is striking behaviour from a man who talks regularly about himself as a committed Christian; presumably more fundamentalist than pacifist." - David Hopps
"He is 19, why doesn't he just worry about his bowling for a while? I like the idea of actually getting into the ring. I like that, let's bring that one on." - Hayden on Sharma, Brisbane radio
Irritates me no end. Not sure why, just does. Have never really been a fan of him as a cricketer or a person.
The phrase "God-bothering spastic" was coined on a different forum I frequent to describe Hayden, and I've always thought it was pretty apt.
Hayden would've either died on the pitch or scored in single digits nine times out of 10 if he tried this front-foot nonsense against Donald/Ambrose/Wasim/waqar/Walsh/Pollock in their prime.
Then there was the hate stage from 2003-2006 when, having cemented himself in the team, he seemed to lose his innocence and starting acting like a real jerk on the field - an absolute bully, and a sharp contrast from the optimistic, innocent Haydos of the 1990's.
Can't stand him. I can't stand anyone of Hayden, Symonds, Harbhajan, Sreesanth. Don't want anything to do with them, and will be actively rooting against all four.
I always thought he used to come across as a bit of a blow-hard at times & still doesn't strike one as a player with an especially interesting mental hinterland, but have mellowed towards him somewhat recently.
As to Tests, I've said it a million times - Hayden is not a capable player of seam and swing, specifically back into the left-hander. Anyone prepared to take him seriously as a genuine modern great, because of his ability to relentlessly pound average bowling to a better extent than most, overrates him as far as I'm concerned. I've always said had he been born 5 years earlier (and hence been too old by the time the bowling standards dropped to the paucity levels they dropped to in 2001\02 to have any recall in that period) he'd almost certainly have no Test career to speak of - probably between 10 and 20 games averaging between 20 and 30. About the same as a Graeme Wood or Andrew Hilditch.
"It frustrates me that certain sections of humanity want to take someone like myself down." - Hayden after lurking CW