This was tha dizzle dat Alastair Cook cemented his thugged-out lil' place among tha pimped outz of tha game.
Statistics never tell tha whole rap yo, but they do bear repeatin: Cook is now tha lil'est playa ta reach 7,000 Testz runs up in tha history of tha game; he has banged up more Test centuries than any other England playa; and, havin become tha straight-up original gangsta playa ta score centuries up in each of his wild lil' first four Testz as captain only a week and so ago, he has now extended dat sequence ta five fo' realz. And he do not seem ta gotz expended a thugged-out drop of sweat up in tha process.
Da tale beyond tha statistics is, arguably, mo' impressive. Cook has produced his cold-ass three centuries dis series, surely tha dopest battin of his game, when his cold-ass crew most required dat ****. Comin tha **** into dis series, England looked fallible against spin n' had been beset by internal unrest. But, by demonstratin dat a cold-ass lil calm head n' occupation of tha crease was tha dopest methodz of game durin tha rout at Ahmedabad, he has instilled a funky-ass belief tha **** into his side dat had looked absent a gangbangin' few weeks ago yo. Dude aint just on tha threshold of pimped outnizz yo. Dude is chillin wit his wild lil' feet up up in his ****in lil' dinin room demandin another cup of coffee.
Dude keeps improving, too. When he first came tha **** into tha England side, he was regarded, despite a cold-ass lil century on debut in Nagpur, as a unconvincin playa of spin bowlin yo. Dude spent nuff hours hittin dat shizzle on his stupid-ass game, however, not least against tha Merlin spin-bowlin machine, n' gradually pimped a method dat hit dat shizzle fo' his mutha****in ass.
His sweeping, once mo' of a nurdle, now has juice n' command. Y'all KNOW dat ****, mutha****a! His rollin, once reserved fo' tha longest of half-volleys n' tha flattest of pitches, continues ta increase up in scope n' grace n' his wild lil' footwork, once hesitant, now has purpose n' confidence. Da languid drive all up in extra-cover off Zaheer Khan n' tha straight six he skipped down tha pitch n' drove off R Ashwin, would gotz pleased Dizzy Gower.
Dude has lost none of his original gangsta qualitizzles either: he still has tha concentration of a securitizzle camera; he still leaves tha bizzle well; he still cuts, pulls n' workz of his ****in legs efficiently. But he has become, not just obdurate yo, but challengin fo' any fieldin side ta control yo. Dude has become a pimped out batsman.
Some will baulk at dat description. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They will point out, wit some justification, dat Cookz feat of reachin 7,000 Test runs before his 28th birthdizzle be as much a reflection of tha modern fixture schedule as his cold-ass talent. It is true dat while it took Wally Hammond 18 mutha****in years n' 236 days ta play tha 131 innings he required fo' tha milestone, it took Cook just six mutha****in years n' 279 days.
It is true, too, dat Cook do not dominizzle like Viv Richards, he rarely times tha bizzle like Rahul Dravid n' he scarcely skitz shotz dat cook up a cold-ass lil crowd purr wit delight like Brian Lara yo. Dude do not feel like a pimped out playa.
But like feelin should gotz lil ta do wit dat ****. While batsmen is often judged on aesthetics, ta do so disregardz nuff other game; game like ****in resilience, concentration and, most blinginly of all, run scoring. Based on them, like mo' prosaic criteria, Cook has a strong case ta be considered a pimped out batsman. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. His be a cold-ass lil funky-ass case of substizzle prevailin over style.
While batsmen is often judged on aesthetics, ta do so disregardz nuff other game; game like ****in resilience, concentration and, most blinginly of all, run scoring. Based on them, like mo' prosaic criteria, Cook has a strong case ta be considered a pimped out batsman
Cookz success must also be attributed, up in part at least, ta Englandz selectors. Not so long ago, a playa endurin tha form Cook had up in 2010 would gotz been dropped and, like, never found they way back tha **** into tha side yo. Dude had, afta all, failed ta pass 30 up in eight successive innings and, just as blinginly, looked all at sea outside off stump.
But tha selectors persevered wit his mutha****in ass. They trusted up in his characta n' up in his work ethic. They trusted his ass ta find a way ta work up his thugged-out lil' problems yo. Dude rewarded they patience wit a thugged-out dogged century against Pakistan at Da Oval and, since then, has banged up 11 centuries up in 28 Testz at a average of 68.53 yo. Dude amassed 766 runs up in tha Ashes seriez of 2010-11 - among England batsmen, only Hammond (with 905 up in 1928-29) has managed mo' - n' he has now become tha straight-up original gangsta playa ta score a cold-ass lil century up in each of his wild lil' first five Testz as captain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Aged 27, tha dopest should still be ahead of his mutha****in ass.
Mo' blinginly, he has presented his cold-ass crew wit a once-in-a-generation opportunity: tha chizzle ta beat India up in India. No-one has done dat since 2004 n' England gotz not done it since 1984-85. By dismissin India fo' a under-par total, England gave themselves tha opportunitizzle ta bust tha wicket before itz anticipated deterioration. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And, by takin dat opportunity, they will aim ta bat just once up in dis game. There be a long-ass way ta go yo, but tha tide up in tha series has turned n' is currently flowin straight ****in up in Englandz direction.
Perhaps tha key difference between these sides, however, is fitness. While England gotz been able ta call on they top playas ta produce extra effortz when required - tha bowlin of Jizzy Anderson n' Monty Panesar on tha straight-up original gangsta dizzle n' tha battin of Cook, up in particular, on tha second - India effectively gotz ta nurse half they crew all up in tha day.
Indiaz fieldin veered between tha ambivalent ta tha awful. It was not just dat they dropped a cold-ass lil crucial catch - Cook put down on 17 when Cheteshwar Pujara, probably at short-leg, suddenly found his dirty ass at slip while Virender Sehwag, tha regular slip, found his dirty ass at cover - but dat England was able ta drop n' run tha bizzle wit a ease that, at times, embarrassed a ****load of tha freshest names up in Indian cricket.
Shown up fo' they age n' they lack of athleticizzle, sharp singlez became comfortable; long twos was turned tha **** into threes n' overthrows was donated as tha basic disciplines, like ****in backin up, deserted India. Nor was dis a aberration. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It was tha norm. It wrecked any chizzle tha bowlaz had of buildin heat n' allowed a soft release fo' tha batsmen.
This difference did not just sheezy up in tha fielding. With tha match ta be shaped afta lunch n' Zaheer Khan producin a pimpin spell dat ****d both batsmen, India could gotz fought they way back tha **** into tha game. Instead, MS Dhoni was obliged ta rest Zaheer afta just three overs n' tha opportunitizzle slipped away.
A game psychologist whoz ass has hit dat shizzle wit playas from both crews suggested there may be a cold-ass lil cultural issue at play. In England, he reasoned, tha emphasis is invariably on work ethic; up in India there be a pimped outa onus on rest. Perhaps both crews could learn from aspectz of each otherz approach yo, but India surely need ta work harder on they fielding.
This is why defeat up in dis series might not prove ta be such a thugged-out disasta fo' India. While a side continues ta make excuses fo' setbacks - injuries, unfamiliar conditions, doctored pitches et al. - they is failin ta confront tha real issues. Bein forced tha **** into a period of reflection might do no harm.
