Imagine if Derek Randall had retired in 1983 for a career as Rowen Atkinson’s stunt double, a guest appearance on
Minder and a cameo as one of Michael Caine’s heavies in
Mona Lisa; then, twenty-five years later he’s back as Chairman of Selectors, arguing, against all known logic, for a Geriant Jones recall.
Are you trying to tell me that’s not a better world? A more enjoyable reality?
How about Greg Richie calling it a day after Australia’s disastrous 1985 Ashes tour so he could kill Bouncer in
Neighbours’ sensational hit-and-run dogacide storyline, followed by a three year stint in the musical version of
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Fast forward to the present and he’s desperately trying to convince Merv Hughes to give Tim Paine another go whilst practicing his lines for a walk-on part in
Kath and Kim.
Imagine how great that would be. Instead Greg’s just wasting his life commentating on golf.
That’s because the cricketing world isn’t built on the Pakistani model. There Mohsin Khan can retire at 31 for a career in Bollywood and still end up chief selector to the national team. And what’s more he can
threaten to flounce out after just a year in the job. That’s a diva. That’s a man who’s learnt from his time as an actor. That’s a man who expects to get the wicketkeeper he wants and to have exactly the right light for his close-up.
Would Geoff Miller act like that? Nah, the nearest he’s come to being entertaining was the selection of Darren Pattinson.
Learn from the masters, Geoff. Learn from Pakistan. It’s comedy they give us. Not tragedy.
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