Alright boys, that was pretty good pre-season. Let’s get ready for Liverpool. I really feel that this year could be our year. We can finally break our trophy drought.
Stop snickering, Cesc.
Because I’m telling you to.
I don’t care how funny it is, you’re making the boys lose belief in themselves.
Yes, as I was saying, this could be the year we win something.
Well yes Eboue, the Emirates Cup is a trophy too. But I was talking about more important trophies.
No, Vela. Not exactly the Carling Cup.
I know you won Danish Player of the Year, Nicklas. You message it to me every day. But I’m talking about the entire TEAM winning something.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t give a **** about the team.
Yes, your hair looks fantastic. Really slick. Could we get back to the point?
We can win trophies this season, but we have to change something in our play. Can someone tell me what?
No Andrey, not banning women drivers.
Not better synchronized dances either, Eboue.
Not by giving you a lifetime contract, Abou. I’ve told you already, that’s not happening.
That goes for you too, Denilson.
The answer is simple enough, boys. Letting in fewer goals and tightening our defence.
If it was so obvious Vermaelen, why didn’t you answer? Now will you people please stop interrupting me every ****ing time?
I-I didn’t mean to snap like that. It wasn’t directed at you personally, Vermaelen. Please put that knife away.
Will you STOP snickering, Cesc? You’ll make Rosicky laugh too. There, he’s pulled his hamstring. Happy?
OK Theo, a question for you. The full back is coming at you with the ball. What’ll you do?
Hmm well, running at him seems fair enough. Apply constant pressure, defend from the front. Good answer, Theo. Now, Nasri has the ball in the centre but you’re being tightly marked by the opposition full back. How will you shake him?
No, not by running at him, Theo. OK, leave it. What’s the one thing to remember when you’re guarding the post during a corner?
No Theo, the answer is NOT to run.
I understand that you like running. You have to control it sometimes.
No, I’m not being mean.
Please stop crying. You’ll set Jack off too.
No Eboue, he doesn’t need your dance to cheer up. Some chocolate milk will do.
OK, a question for you Nicklas. You have the ball at your feet, Robin is free but there’s only one defender between you and the goal. Will you pass the ball or look to beat your man?
How does it matter what boots the defender is wearing? Simply tell me whether you’ll pass or run at him?
Yes I know YOU will run at him, Theo. Fortunately this question’s for Nicklas.
No, Nicklas. I don’t think the defender will let you go past because you’re Danish Player of the Year.
Oh, will you shut the **** up, Cesc? Rosicky’s spinal cord just fell off, in case you hadn’t noticed.
I know he’s still better than Hleb, but could you please not make him laugh so much?
I will not call you Nicko no matter how cool it sounds, Nicklas.
OK, your turn Fabianski. You’ve just made a save. Will you punt the ball past the half line or pass it to a defender?
What do you mean; you have no idea what I’m talking about? A save, you’ve just made a save. Catching the ball in your hands, holding on to it. Ring any bells?
Never mind.
No you can’t kill him off, Vermaelen.
It doesn’t matter if he’s a *****.
Cesc, you heartless bastard. Wipe that stupid grin off your face and call for some help, poor Rosicky seems to have had an epileptic stroke.
We’ll continue the training session sometime later boys.
Yes Eboue, you can hug everyone if you must.
