Look mate. I enjoyed my time in England, right? In fact, I enjoyed it a very great deal.
The country's lovely, the people I met are brilliant. Wonderful, in fact (notably, you didn't make it to the meet up
).
But, I'm still an Australian.
You lot bang on about us losing over there in 05 when you cheated your way to a narrow win with sub fielders for tin-pot hacks who couldn't bare to stay on the field for more than a half hour, and with the use of illegal confectionary; and about 09, when we'd lost half a side in the preceding 18 months and, but for rain in Wales would have levelled the series anyway.
You lot haven't won here in 23 years!! There are moderators on this forum who weren't born when you lot last won here. Mobile phones weren't around then, neither were laptop computers.
I may have had a Commodore 64 PC then, and INXS were cool, as was acid wash.
People back then thought Knightrider was the best show on TV, and Madonna was the old Lady Gaga.
Mike Tyson had just knocked out Trevor Berbick to win the WBC heavyweight title and Star Bucharest won the Champions League. Liverpool were decent, it was that long ago.
Ronald Reagan was President of the US, Thatcher was in power over there and the Berlin Wall was still standing.
Now, you can bang on about your T20 triumph all you like, and in fairness it is now the "third pillar" of English sport. FMD, you ruled more than half the world for 200 plus years and you're struggling to cobble together three sporting triumphs.
You will not win out here this time either. And here's why.
The ball won't swing, so Anderson will sulk. And be ineffective.
The new McGrath (whatever his name is) will prove to be the New Saj Mahmood. By series' end, the old Saj Mahmood wlll likely get a run.
Lady Boy I think will be the best of your bowlers, but not good enough to cary the pace attack alone.
Swann won't do any good, because finger spinners don't do well here, Sydney and late Adelaide aside.
With your batting, Cook still fishes outside off stump. By series' end he'll have "Dougeh's Bitch" tattooeed on his forehead.
Strauss failed here last time, and he looks a lot like my Tory arsehole local MP, so he will fail again.
Who's batting three for you now? Is it still Trott? One-test wonder. Will fail.
Pietersen's a good player no doubt, but not been near his best in recent tiimes. Be interesting to see how he goes.
Looks like Ian Bell has, thankfully for us, cemented his place in the middle order. Honestly, he's your Marcus North. Dire.
Forget it. Won't happen. Can't happen. Simply not feasible.