20/20 Media (brought to you by BetFare)

[NZTailender]

In response to claims of a snub from the sensitive captain of the ****s, Kev Gough replied "It wasnt our intention to cause offence. The workers in the East Robham sweatshop that produce the pennant attempted to unionize and we had to find new orphans. This caused a delay but the situation is now resolved."

If this isn't confirmation that West Robham is run by capitalist child-slave drivers then I don't know what is, tbh.

 

[superkingdave]

Hey we just put the tender out..how they fulfil the contract is up to them. Market forces

 

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

Camps Speaks Out: First look at Exposé
From the journalistic mind of Kwase Knight

In the East Robbham fallout and the smear campaign by captain Nath Patrick against Liam Camps jr., we have excerpts from the veteran allrounder's soon-to-be-published memoirs. Camps insists that the book was always in the pipeline, but that he only started writing it in that last 2 hours due to procrastination. It is titled "Bigger than Smith, better than Murphy: My tortured life on the East Side.

A first taste:

I would do anything for love, but why would he ask me to do that? The question haunted me for hours after. Nath and I used to be like brothers, but power has changed the man. Sadly all he took from Spiderman I, II and (an underwhelming) III was cheap entertainment. Ever since his performance in the Season XIII first-class final he's changed. I consider myself a good man and a fantastic role model, so I won't indulge in slander. I won't say when he started taking illegal substances. I won't even mention that those substances are reported to enhance strength and endurance. What I will say is that Nath was downright legendary in that match. He won over many fans with his Herculean, superhuman efforts. At what cost to the sport's fine name? I won't say.

 

[Nate]

Dwyer has more runs than you frbs. Can't see your arguement. I should've let you go down with the Titanic. All forgotten though, it s33ms.

 

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

More shocking revelations to come. The world will know.

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

I heartily endorse this event or product.

 

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

Camps: He's mediocre and I'm a victim
Kwase Knight

With a highly anticipated release of Liam Camps Jr.'s first book, "Bigger Than Murphy, Better Than Smith: My Tortured Life On The East Side", the saucy excerpts keep rolling in.

A leaked paragraph:

It struck me as a bit suspicious, but I did not think that Nath would treat me that way. When I signed for East Robbham he welcomed me with open arms and went out of his way to calm the tension between Darren Murphy and myself. I have never been on good terms with Murphy, but at least he has always been genuine with me and we share a mutual hate that brings us closer together. With Nath it was a true surprise. For such a mediocre bowler, he has a really short fuse for poor form. But perhaps the most disappointing thing is that he decided to shift all the blame for Upper Body's failure onto one man, with no responsibility left for himself.

Needless to say, this writer was in tears when reading this. Touching stuff from a touching man.

 

[Nate]

Haha. I've taken wickets and captained okay. About it though. Can't help but f33l you n33d to calm down.

 

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

Not until I've exhausted every media outlet to become more everpresent than Hasselhoff.

 

[Nate]

ks.

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

Shotgun first copy.

 

[superkingdave]

Crisis? What Crisis
Employment Rises as East Robham defies GFC
Sam Lane exclusive

With the new Twenty20 season only around the corner, the mood is bouyant in downtrodden East Robham. Government figures released today show a 150% rise in employment over the past year. Over 1 in 10 adults of working age in the East Robham area are now in some form of employment, the highest figure since records began. The growth in employment is largely driven by the public sector, with debt collection and demolition also enjoying a boom period.

East Robham Mayor Barry Chuckle praised the 'great achievement' but said there was still more work to be done, "This is a great achievement" said Chuckle "but there is still more work to be done, by 2020 our aim is to have an employed person living in every street." Already more improvements are scheduled for the next year, with telegraph cables expected to replace the current tin-cans-on-a-piece-of-string communications system.

One of East Robhams rising workforce hard at it

Meanwhile, the Upper Body squad had some good news ahead of their return to training with their new facility being completed ahead of schedule.

ERUB's state of the art new changing facility

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

ERUB's state of the art new changing facility

That's a bloody good facility compared to where we were training previously, Arden Street.

 

[andruid]

Crisis? What Crisis
Employment Rises as East Robham defies GFC
Sam Lane exclusive

With the new Twenty20 season only around the corner, the mood is bouyant in downtrodden East Robham. Government figures released today show a 150% rise in employment over the past year. Over 1 in 10 adults of working age in the East Robham area are now in some form of employment, the highest figure since records began. The growth in employment is largely driven by the public sector, with debt collection and demolition also enjoying a boom period.

East Robham Mayor Barry Chuckle praised the 'great achievement' but said there was still more work to be done, "This is a great achievement" said Chuckle "but there is still more work to be done, by 2020 our aim is to have an employed person living in every street." Already more improvements are scheduled for the next year, with telegraph cables expected to replace the current tin-cans-on-a-piece-of-string communications system.

One of East Robhams rising workforce hard at it

Meanwhile, the Upper Body squad had some good news ahead of their return to training with their new facility being completed ahead of schedule.

ERUB's state of the art new changing facility

Y'all should be ashamed to be thrashed week in and out by a team with failities like that

 

[superkingdave]

Y'all should be ashamed to be thrashed week in and out by a team with failities like that

*checks trophy cabinet* yep still there.

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

Disappointed at the lack of response to the Arden Street gag. Admitting defeat through silence IMO.

 

[superkingdave]

was waiting till the new facilities are complete before posting my reposte tbh, is a building site at the moment

 

[dontcloseyoureyes]

So you've got nothing? k.

 

[GIMH]

CORRIN SAYS NO

To the dismay of twenty20 fans all around CWland, CW Green collosus Martyn Corrin has ruled himself out of this year's twenty20 competition. When asked why he said, "all i want to do is focus on green. I need to focus on bringing us both titles home this season, and that's what I'm going to do. As immense as I am at twenty20, I cbf with this ****."

Corrin has played a small role for Bangalore in this season's IPL and is widely renowned as the best Twenty20 all-rounder in the world. It is rumoured that TV companies may pull their contracts if Corrin does not feature this season, so expect some wild offers to be flying his way.

 

[HeathDavisSpeed]

Don't believe it. First time I've heard Corrin say "No" to anything involving Smith.