The Next Big Thing: CricketWeb 'A' in the Caribbean

[James90]

November 27

So here I am in a cheap hotel room in Port-of-Spain. It’s not how I dreamed my first tour, sitting under a bedside lamp with mysterious stains on the bed. The place does have a unique charm, not unlike the sidewalk in a poverty-stricken village in Chennai. It’s painful enough without roommate Nick jeering, “Stop writing and give me a hug you fine piece of human specimen”.

With fellow Reds batsman Rob Dauth excluded from the tour I really wasn’t expecting any homosexual implications. Dauth wasn’t the only noticeable exclusion from the squad of 16. Fellow team-mates Ken Dobson and Sean Bennett were ignored from the selectors as they practised their “Lets slowly make CricketWeb a red-free-zone”. Nick and I are the pride of CW Oval. We’ve done far too much for the selectors to turn the other cheek. It’s our divine right to be there as I have shown by my superior FC batting average of 28. We’re keen on proving a point to the selectors. We just need to work out what that point is.

NB
4
JS​

Is that permanent? It is! Just my luck, the CWBCC yet again show their quality budget as my pen runs out. I return to find that Nick has taken liking to my diary and expressed his feelings publicly. How embarrassing. Where to from here I wonder?
It appears that the board are not taking any chances and preparing for the worst. Penny Mitchell, mother of 11-year-old Lewis Mitchell has decided to take legal action against the board, expecting them to pay $1000 in medical bills suffering an injury Mitchell suffered fielding during a Dev League match in Sydney. As the capital of the CWBCC doesn’t extend much further than $1000 it’s no wonder why I am situated here.

It’s so typical that an 11-year-old would hinder my debut tour. The fellow squad members have shown great compassion for my situation by voting Nick and I to have the room with the double bed. I won’t be getting much sleep tonight.

 

[Robertinho]

With fellow Reds batsman Rob Dauth excluded from the tour I really wasn’t expecting any homosexual implications.

I don't know what it is about me that drives your hormones insane, James..

 

[Buddhmaster]

Haha nice work there Jim.

 

[Nate]

Great start, puts Ricky`s diary to shame already.

 

[FaaipDeOiad]

Good stuff.

 

[ash chaulk]

lol i like it

 

[Kweek]

Classic like it a lot mate!!!

 

[KennyD]

James, great stuff already!!! SO funny.

Keep it up, and make sure you finish it, unlike me, who often loses motivation halfway through.

 

[James90]

November 28 [Part 1]

I was woken up at 8am by a knock on the door. I went outside to find the culprit and found a telegram stuck up. It was an article by ‘The NJS News’ claiming that the rumours about a lawsuit were false. It does however raise the question as to where the money had gone. Surely they could have afforded better accommodation.

The sight of Nick topless on the bed was enough to encourage me to go to breakfast early. When I arrived at the table it appeared that Big Trav had already introduced himself to half of the buffet. I was soon joined by the rest of the team and the meal was greater than what I expected. From there we were instructed onto the bus where we were to travel to the training ground.

Desperate to get away from Nick, I took the first free seat available. Don Lezama was ecstatic that someone had actually chosen to sit next to him. It was short-lived however as I dozed off while he was describing the life cycle of llamas. It was much needed as Nick had kept me up until the early hours but we won’t go into that! I should no better than to fall asleep on a bus and was awoken by Big Trav’s permanent marker, the same pen that Nick had used yesterday.

I was only semi-conscious when I stepped off the bus. We had been joined by the local reporters although most of the cameras seemed to be pointed solely at me. At the time I couldn’t understand why, I was hardly the star batsman of the team. Maybe it was a loyalty thing from my stint at Port-of-Spain last off-season. It wasn’t until I entered the change rooms that I realised why. I needed to wash my face and while doing so caught a glimpse of the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot but more importantly I had a monobrow, glasses and a moustache drawn on my face. It really does make me wonder what will appear in the paper tomorrow. How embarrassing.

 

[vic_orthdox]

Where to from here I wonder?

Great work James.

 

[Kweek]

hahaha

 

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

I totally missed this earlier.

It’s painful enough without roommate Nick jeering, “Stop writing and give me a hug you fine piece of human specimen”.

 

[Travis_Teh]

Breakfast buffet indeed.

Crab

 

[James90]

November 28 [Part 2]

My day improved as soon as training started. After a short talk from captain Sean Fuller we started our fitness session. Fitness levels really started to show while working the stairs. By the end of that, Demaza looked quite out of it. I got great pleasure out of watching Big Trav try and do the hill runs on a stomach full of crab.

The fielding session went quite well and the team looked in good shape (apart from Demaza). Mamesh was trialled as the reserve keeper and naturally we all expressed what we thought of the Colts. He was worked out with poor, wide throws and overarm shies at the stump from nearby. He came out of it surprisingly well and greatly improved his chances of being the second choice keeper for the tour.

We then went to the nets and to my pleasure I got to face Demaza. It was good revenge as the overrated Blue seamer struggled to get to the crease at all. I was seeing the ball well and middling everything Trav sent down. It wasn’t so funny when Nath Patrick successfully lined up my new monobrow and sent me from the nets early.

I sat out the rest of the session with an icepack between my eyes but it did give me a good chance to check out the talent. Sean Fuller looked in fine touch with both bat and ball. Even better was the news that Sean Bennett will be added to the squad after his contract status was sorted out, meaning that there will be another Red in the squad.

After lunch there was more fielding and we finished up with a game of rugby. It was amusing watching Don Lezama trying to understand the game and he subsequently left the field in shame after running backward to avoid the oncoming defence and then kicking the ball forward to his team mates who were all in hysterics.

Dinner was great with the team already starting to bond. It’s a shame that it had to end because yet again I have to cope with Borcich crying himself to sleep. I wonder if it would be worthwhile to crash in a dumpster tonight.

 

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

We then went to the nets and to my pleasure I got to face Demaza. It was good revenge as the overrated Blue seamer...

Demeza has dismissed Stedman on 7 of the 14 occasions that the two have faced each other.

Go get a desk job.
CW Blue >> you.

 

[FaaipDeOiad]

Don Lezama was ecstatic that someone had actually chosen to sit next to him.

Hard to say if he or Trav is copping it worse, just yet.

Great read.

 

[KennyD]

Demeza has dismissed Stedman on 7 of the 14 occasions that the two have faced each other.

Go get a desk job.
CW Blue >> you.

James Stedman's looks >> CW Blue's looks

 

[Nate]

Eyebrows >>> Monobrows.

Great stuff James, keep it up. And sorry `bout that delivery. It`s called a 'bouncer'. It`s a shorter ball that gets up near your head, I don`t blame you for not picking it with the quality of the Red`s bowling and all...

 

[Travis_Teh]

Ha hahahaa, good work. Interesting reading

When you sledge me though, spell my ****ing name right. DemEza.



Also, no idea where this overweight idea came from, proabably that underage pillow-biter Dauth. I'm like a rake.

 

[James90]

November 29

Finally I have gotten some decent sleep. I found refuge with Bryce Cunningham as his roommate Tarick Weber had curiously disappeared from the building. Breakfast was much the same as yesterday with Travis Demeza trying his hardest to gain weight. The first tour match is in two days and preparations are going well.

I stayed awake for the bus trip this time as did Tarick, displaying his best efforts to keep his eyes open and head still. Training was going quite well until Alex Blackman pulled a hamstring while trying to show us how to do the splits. We had an extended run in the field before a game on the pitch to see our match form.

It was a good indicator of the Best XI. Sean Fuller was at his damaging best again and Tarick Weber amused everyone by collapsing at the wicket before facing a ball. Personally I had a good hit before edging one off Demeza. It was good however as yesterday rugby incident has discouraged Don from any sledging making my stay in the middle quite pleasant.

In the afternoon we were joined by my opening partner for CW Red. Bennett immediately denied claims that he had been held hostage by Jamee who just wouldn’t let him leave. It appears that there was a misunderstanding between him and the board and that all is well and good now.

Alex Blackman managed to hobble to the middle and run off the injury he suffered early today. The highlight of the day came from when Trav Demeza pulled Lezama over midwicket for six as Garven was trialled with the gloves. Tarick Weber sat out the afternoon session suffering from a “headache”.

Dinner turned into an all out food fight in memory of our last night here in Port-of-Spain. Even the waiters got into it as they supplied complementary sauces. The whole team was left dripping and Borcich sulked off claiming “I have citrus in my eye!” I just knew he was going to make the bed and plan how to make me stay the night.

Apparently the room setup remains throughout the tour so I’ll have to ask for a change when we arrive in Pointe-e-Pierre. Otherwise I’m going to have to get over my homophobia but I can’t see that happening.