Friday, November 14
.Disclaimer: All characters, locations and everything else portrayed in these articles are entirely fictional and any similarities to real people, places or events are entirely coincedental. I have nothing against the Royal Brisbane Hospital. I'm sure it's an excellent clinical institution with high standards of excellence. Please don't sue me.
07:11
Never spend the night in a hospital in Brisbane unless you are about to die, in which case it is still probably preferable to find some slightly more pleasant way of finishing yourself off before you get dragged in there, like being run over by a high speed train or eaten by a tasmanian tiger.
Not only do the beds remind me a little too closely of some rock formations off the Isle of Wight (look it up), but there is a constant stream of casualties wandering through the doors all night, screaming their heads off due to various ailments. The most amusing one I overheard was that someone had been bitten by a dingo in a rather painful area. When prompted, it appears to have been encouraged by a late-night TV show.
I think I managed three hours' sleep in total, however that's three hours more than those of us who are still convulsing in pain from Rosanna's entrails managed. The match with Sandgate-Redcliffe was scheduled to start at 11:00, but I'm getting there from 8:00, partially to sort out what the heck we would do with three players, and partially because even Westward Ho! would be a release from the Hospital.
10:52
I say three players because Marc has joined the casualty list. The "budgerigar" was finally located at 03:37 midway between his stomach and bottom. Cue lengthy operation. The plan turned out to be to fill our XI with lower Grade players.. however it seemed that they had all just finished their exams, and were all completely stoned.
Come 11:00, we have one fast bowler (Corey), one leg-spinner (me) and one wicket-keeper (Pete) from the CWXI and eight players selected from Sandgate's U13 team, and then I lost the toss on a completely flat track with short boundaries and bright sunlight beating down.
15:16
I cannot remember a more painful fielding experience than that. Seventeen lost balls, three centuries from Sandgate players and a lot of distraught kids. I didn't think that it was possible to go for 83 off two overs, but I was proved wrong. 618/5 off 50 overs and I think I need to vomit somewhere. And I've got to bat at three.
17:28
Well, we managed to make it last two hours. Corey completed the fastest fifty of all time and was back in the pavilion before the second over was up, before I joined Pete in a 174-run partnership that lasted the best part of the rest of the innings. Pick of the shots from myself were a booming cover drive over second slip's head, leg glance for six over backward point before bringing up my 50 after advancing down the track to smite a chinese cut through fine leg. I ended up LBW on 57 when for some reason I tried a reverse sweep. Obviously thought I was good for a minute.
That was curtains, as the kids made very little impact on the Sandgate bowlers, and Pete ended unbeaten on 133* as we finished on 307. Having said that, I think that 131kph back-of-a-length into a 9-year-old's ribcage with every fielder around the bat is a touch harsh.
21:36
Turns out Corey agreed about their bowling tactics. Things got a little bit heated between him and the Sandgate team in the bar after the match. 14 broken ribs, 2 shattered collarbones, a dislocated jaw, fractured wrist and two broken legs. Coach McGrath has spent the last hour at the police station negotiating bail for Corey (who, incidentally, is fine)...
Have locked myself in the hotel room and pulled the phone out the wall in an attempt to get some sleep. Nets were scheduled for tomorrow, but I have no clue what's going to end up happening...
