Battle of the Infamous

[Agent Nationaux]

Forgot about that one.

 

[LongHopCassidy]

Alright.

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.

Alright.

Half-arsed apologies in order.

17th battle up soon with updated CVs.

 

[LongHopCassidy]

Round of 16, Battle 1

The first lot of the mano-y-manos. Despite the early departure of their pre-eminent tosser in Azhar, Indians can regardless rejoice with a guaranteed spot in the quarters:

Ravi Shastri (India)

Crimes:

- Stonewaller, petulant little turdwipe on and off-field
- Currently paid 3.6 crore rupees (about $650k US) to fellate the BCCI on Sky
- Retired from international cricket at age 30 to do so
- DRS sucks, Nasser, you just hate India because you're jelly
- Ranatunga's wingman on the chucker-callers-are-racist meme
- Impotent; needed 18 years of marriage to conceive first child
- celebrated by divorcing wife when the child was four
- Almost getting Warnie perma-dropped on debut

"These days, just hearing him commentate you can tell Shastri is very important because it is impossible to work out if he is actually any good." - The Guardian

"They are jealous about the fact that India are world champions. They are jealous because of the money being made by the Indian cricket board. The bottom line is that [England] have never been bloody No. 1 in the world in Test cricket. So don't criticise unless you have been there and know." - Shastri earns his 36 million rupees

"Your last game was a good tight game against...whom did you beat?" - Shastri while interviewing Tendulkar

"They feel betrayed by the disclosure that commentators they trusted to give a fair and credible account of the game were under contract to speak in His Master's Voice alone." - Ramachandra Guha

"Yeah. I always wanted to be involved in a broad-based exciting industry." - On being asked "So you're moving away from the cricket industry?" in an interview

CricketWeb Endorsements:

Ravi Shastri is the biggest shill for the BCCI. Surely there's a conflict of interest there with him.

It was a pwnage IMHO...and well deserved, Shastri has always been a slimy, precious, arrogant one-eyed git with a personal agenda

Wow. Shastri has always been my favorite Indian commentator but its almost like he was drunk while doing this interview.

Wow! Never saw something that unprofessional from Shastri. I always knew the guy was a one-eyed jingoistic freak

Let me put it this way: Shashtri commentating alongside Channel Nine would make my day.

War. Beautiful, glourious bloody war in the commentary box.

I so wish Shastri had a twitter account

I still remember what this annoying git said after the world cup final, "there are so many similarities between India in 1983 and now, for instance, both captains have names that begin with D, and both heads of the bcci are from nagpur."

And the winner:

It would be cheaper to hire someone from a YouTube comments section.

Virat Kohli (India)

Crimes:

- ICC Wunder-Brat Of The Year, 2011
- Flipping off honest punters on The Hill
- Role-modelling Sreesanth
- A session with the stylist
- "You're the only one in India who understands my hair the best." (0:56)
- Fielding the hardball questions
- "So who is the leading runscorer for India in Twenty20s this year?"
- "Is it me?" (0:14)

"This kid had a swagger but I had heard far too much about him to not ask about him. I did. I got a roll of the eyes, that raised eyebrow and a sideways movement of the head." - Harsha Bhogle

"Sachin has carried the burden of the nation for 21 years. It's time we carried him." - The worryingly small-shouldered Kohli

"Kohli will be a mentor to people one day." - Anil Kumble, predicting the end of Indian cricket

"I too have heard the chatter about captaincy, but I am not thinking about it right now. If and when it comes, I'll be ready for it." - The man himself

"I haven't changed my self at all and I really feel good about it glad." - Kohli on improving grammar never

"As a kid even I knew everything about my favourite cricketers. I used to know everything possible." - On having memorized the Spirit of Cricket declaration


Jono endorsements:

Needed more Kohli to attend interviews. More face-time needed for the great man on Australian shores.

Speaking of Kohli and penises...

Man Dinda ****s me. Just don't like anything about his bowling at all. And his ****ing bandana isn't helping either.

Not to mention he gets to room with Kohli

Such a foul mood. Going to log off and come back later.

****in kohli better be okay

On Tendulkar retiring:

I'd do what makes me happy.

That would be hang out with Virat Kohli ftr, so I'd stay in the team.

awta. Karthik seems a pointless call up.

However, KOHLI TO CAPTAIN INDIA TO GLORRRRRRRRRRRRY

 

[Bahnz]

Shastri

 

[HeathDavisSpeed]

Shaftstri.

 

[Agent Nationaux]

****stri

 

[Daemon]

Shastri by the biggest margin in any battle on cw ever

 

[BoyBrumby]

Yeah, Shastri, clearly. Last sixteen is about Kohli's level.

 

[weldone]

Neither deserves place in the quarters, Azhar did.

But yea Kohli is much better than Shastri.

 

[fredfertang]

Kohli - doesn't deserve to be whitewashed

 

[smash84]

this is a close one.....

I'll give it to Kohli for being such an arrogant prick even at the beginning of his career

 

[morgieb]

Shastri. Kohli will grow out of it...

 

[Zinzan]

Shastri by a zillion miles

 

[uvelocity]

was hanging off, didn't want kohli to get off scott free. on the contrary morgieb it's clear that kohli will, in fact, grow into it. No match for the massively arrogant & arse licking cretin that is shastri as yet though

 

[Cabinet96]

Shastri. Kohli has no place here, really.

 

[grecian]

Shastri

 

[Fusion]

Shastri. I know I haven't participated in this thread, but how the **** did Azhar not make it this far?

 

[doesitmatter]

Shastri..Once considered the best captain India never had and then he hit the practice pitch..

 

[Michaelf7777777]

Kohli

 

[LongHopCassidy]

Shastri. I know I haven't participated in this thread, but how the **** did Azhar not make it this far?

He drew Roy Gilchrist, and even then it went to a tiebreaker.