Round 1, Battle 7
Three quality douchebags on show, but still an odds-on outcome.
Ian Healy (Australia)
Crimes:
- Claiming bumped catches against the Windies
-
Claiming phony stumpings against the Windies (credit to Rob)
- Scraping the bottom of Channel 9's very, very deep commentary box
-
Playing a tiny violin (unwittingly on camera) while Andrew Symonds was speaking about breast cancer
"Tell Healy he's not welcome in our dressing room." - Jimmy Adams, as recalled by Steve Waugh
"You're a ****ing cheat." -
"When in Rome, dear boy." - Healy tasting after an Atherton retort
"I haven't seen him since what he said, but my number hasn't changed." - Brad Haddin on why Heals won't front him about his keeping
"Breast cancer research could be no closer to my heart." - Healy on the spatial exactitudes of being heartless
Hansie Cronje (South Africa)
Crimes:
- The Mr Fix-it of matches
- Bringing down Herschelle Gibbs and Henry Williams with him
- Chucked a stump through the umpire's door after Mark Waugh was given a
match-winning life
-
Confession starts at 2:07
"Of course the team decided against taking the bribe, but even so, it hadn't been an immediate and strong reaction to an activity totally abhorrent to the notion of sport." - Herschelle Gibbs on Cronje's first offer
"It wasn't even enough to cover my legal expenses." - On the size of his bookie payments
"If you look at my entire life, how I played, how I trained, losing didn't come easy to me." - Hansie doesn't take the easy way out
"Since that day, in a moment of stupidity and weakness, I allowed Satan and the world to dictate terms to me rather than the Lord." - Cronje revealing Lucifer's terrible shot selection
Colin Croft (West Indies)
Crimes:
- In terms of the West Indies four-prong, probably the worst of the best
- Managed to get banned from Test cricket for longer than Mohammed Asif
- Attending two rebel tours of apartheid South Africa, accepting the title of 'honorary white',
and then demanding his wickets taken be added to his FC tally
-
Physically intimidating umpires who had the gumption to no-ball him (ta Rob)
- Taught maths
"Crofty would bounce his own grandmother out if he thought there was a wicket in it." - Anonymous teammate
"The thing that really irks me is that the likes of the Waugh brothers and Matthew Hayden get grandstands named after them and I get mostly mentioned when people say they are going for a Rodney Hogg." - Croft himself
"I guess money is everybody’s god." - Croft on why he went to South Africa