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20/20 Media (brought to you by BetFare)

Nate

Nate

You'll Never Walk Alone
Horse & Hound
Upper Body make Snooker Champion their first signing
by Abhinav Shankar


In what is the first of many big signings to come in the newly formed CW 20/20 League, Darren Murphy has reportedly joined East Robham Upper Body on a one-year deal. Although not yet officially approved by the CWBCC, ERUB Captain Nath Patrick seemed certain on the legitimacy of the signing. "I've given things I can never give again." he said. "These days - is it any wonder I'm tired?"

Murphy, best known worldwide for his Snooker prowess and iconically Australian muscular figure, claims to have always been an avid cricket fan.

Code: 
[B]Darren says:[/B]
number 3 batsman
[B]Darren says:[/B]
can bowl nippy seam ups if needed
[B]Darren says:[/B]
i dont wanna be mathew sinclair **** though
[B]Darren says:[/B]
we've all seen the ut00b video
The 'ut00b' or 'YouTube' video he refers to of course, is this fine artwork which this reporter finds factual and informing.

Darren is widely known across most circles as a brash, yet loveable tramp with impeccible offside play and a killer break. However, some people seem to have sided against the sporting star, probably out of fear and estrogen. One of these "enemies" as it were, is Liam Camps jr., who shockingly, is the Icon player for the East Robham franchise.

Upon hearing of his potential teammate, Murphy was far from impressed.

Code: 
[B]Darren says:[/B]
nah, refuse to play CWXI
[B]Darren says:[/B]
on principle
[B]Darren says:[/B]
camps is a ****
[B]Darren says:[/B]
with boyish good looks
Nath Patrick however, was adament in making this happen. Most would think this move crazy. Camps Jr. and Murphy in the same league was barely feasible, but in the same team? Impossible. But with flattery and shares in Network Video, Time's Snooker Player of a little bit of 1974 began to sway. He wielded his sword of popularity and tongue of prosperity to make some requests, if there was ever to be the slightest chance of him joining.

Code: 
[B]Darren says:[/B]
You're a mutant, camps
[B]Darren says:[/B]
now that's off my chest
[B]Darren says:[/B]
i demand two things
[B]Darren says:[/B]
and two things only
[B]Darren says:[/B]
Cathy Camps
[B]Darren says:[/B]
Cathy Camps' curried sausage recipe
Under instructions from his Captain and knowing Darren's signing would mean more ladies around the clubhouse, Liam Camps jr. (known as [The Conversations] in the dialogue below) handed over the recipe, located once in his breast pocket, but now in the hands of a genius madman. What happened next however, was unprecedented.

Code: 
[B][The Conversations] says:[/B]
we have a deal then
[B]Darren says:[/B]
we have nothing of the sort
[B]Darren says:[/B]
Darren says (1:25 AM):
i will seriously consider it if camps publicly acknowledges my superiority over him
[B]Smitty says:[/B]
laughing out loud here
[[B]The Conversations] says:[/B]
the people won't allow it...
[B][The Conversations] says:[/B]
surely... the people won't allow it!
[B]Smitty says:[/B]
i'm okay with it
[B]Darren says:[/B]
the people will allow nothing but it
And so it was with much resentment, but even more attractiveness, that Camps released this tidbit upon society and it was gobbled up with aplomb.

And then, as it so often is with the most famous among us, other scattered orders were barked from Murphy's well-formed mouth, in which his captain could only adhere to, or lose the most talented man to ever play the great game since Richard Chee-Quee.

Code: 
[B]Darren says:[/B]
ok here are my conditions
[B]Darren says:[/B]
i get a press release about me commenting on my love of curried sausages and wicked wings
[B][The Conversations] says:[/B]
smith desperate for friends imo
[B]Smitty says:[/B]
making friends with your attractive long-term girlfriend aws
Code: 
[B]Darren says:[/B]
a cushy bar job during the tournament
[B]Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says:[/B]
Robbins dead aws
[B]Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says:[/B]
body still on the CW Bar floor
[B]Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says[/B]:
weve been ignoring it
[B]Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says:[/B]
so done
Code: 
[B]Darren says:[/B]
also demand a pair of mittens
[B]Darren says:[/B]
as promised
[B]Darren says:[/B]
and pommie mbangwa to be our media manager
And as there was barely a thing more Darren Murphy could possibly think to ask for, a settlement was reached. Stones Ginger Beer was then consumed and Atomic Kitten sung, mainly by CW Black Captain, Daniel Smith.

It is believed that Darren Murphy will sign on as a 3-point overseas player and is a direct swap for a draft pick of the International Players listed here. Whether this gamble pays off or not, time will tell. But one thing is for sure - fans of Upper Body will one day be able to say to their grandchildren "I was there. I was there when that random snooker player played cricket and took as many catches than he made runs. And he made a duck that day. But boy, was he handsome."
 
Last edited:
Mr Mxyzptlk

Mr Mxyzptlk

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T20 kicks into gear with first franchise assignments
CWBCC names names

Excitement continues to build for the upcoming Cricket Web Twenty20 Cup (yet to be officially named) and the CWBCC tonight put some faces to that anticipation with the first player assignments.

Davistow Dazzlers
One of picks of the round is CW Black and CW XI opening batsman James Stedman. The one day player has just 2 T20 innings under his belt, but will hope to gain valuable experience at Davistow Dazzlers. Joining him is fast bowler Travis Demeza - the CW Blue captain - who recently player for New South Wales. His experience as the CW XI spearhead will undoubtedly come into play for the Dazzlers. The third Dazzlers assignment is Darren Dubb-Lynch. The wicketkeeper-batsman has forged a career at CW Green as a flashy batsman and solid gloveman, and could start the season as first choice for Clapham, behind the stumps.
Signings: JE Stedman (Black), TJ Demeza (Blue), DY Dubb-Lynch (Green)

Garven Island Turistas
Xavier Rose looks to be building a strong squad, as Pete Young was the first to be signed by the Turistas. Though Young has minimal T20 experience, his pedigree in first-class and one-day cricket is well known in the Dev League. Two players of lesser fame have been assigned to the franchise with Young. Thad Bochat - the CW Colts fast bowler - and Manju Reddlapalli - CW Red allrounder - are far from established in their respective teams. But after some time in the Indian Premier League, both should add some nous and enthusiasm to the pack. Bochat in particular, having bowled economically for his IPL franchise, Bangalore, may find himself in the spotlight.
Signings: PE Young (Blue), T Bochat (Colts), M Reddlapalli (Red)

Fardingham ****atoos
Though he is yet to decide on a club for the upcoming season, Thamba Mamesh will find a T20 home in Fardingham with Heath Davis and Rob Dauth. Mamesh has been prolific in FC cricket, and though he has struggled to establish himself in ODs, his big hitting and aggressive attitude is well known in CWLand. In a similar situation, CW Colts captain Kyle Wright will try to find his feet in the shorter form, having dominated in FC, but struggled in OD cricket recently. Third to the plate is David Kearsley of CW Red. Since Kearsley was dropped from the CW XI senior squad, he has been inconsistent in all forms of cricket. He played just one innings in the recently completed IPL, scoring a run-a-ball 3. Kearsley and the ****atoos will hope that he can significantly improve upon that showing.
Signings: T Mamesh (unattached), KS Wright (Colts), DA Kearsley (Red)
 
NZTailender

NZTailender

I can't believe I ate the whole thing
City's namesake linked to club
By Appleo Juicetice

It's rumoured that Nixontown Ninja's player-coach Greg Thomas has been in talks with James Nixon as to a possible appearance for the city that is named after him.

Nixon, who is the overseer to CWLand, is thought to be a handy signing in that any team that beats Nixontown will have all their members banned and disposed of.
 
Mr Mxyzptlk

Mr Mxyzptlk

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Second batch of players named
Fuller and Crampton (but definitely not Smith) in the mix

Nixonstown Ninjas
The Ninjas will today make the biggest signing of these early rounds, with Sean Fuller to join the squad. Fuller, with an average of 44.62 and bowling average of 23.36, is by far the most accomplished T20 allrounder in the country. Most recently he played a big hand in Tasmania winning the T20 Cup in Australia, and will hope to transfer that form to CWLand. With him is promising seam bowler, Ethan McNamara, of CW Green. McNamara has only 15 OD caps to his name, but has shown enough promise to suggest that he could develop into a handy player for the Ninjas. The third signing is Rob Bowen- the big hitting CW Blue batsman. Bowen, like so many others in the league, has found difficulty in adapting to the shorter form of the game, but with this latest avenue for his attacking prowess, he will hope to entertain a few crowds.
Signings: SE Fuller, EAP McNamara, RF Bowen

Morkambe Mathemagicians
Big money has been spent by the Mathemagicians to bring Alex Crampton to the club, the most accomplished OD wicketkeeper in the country. Crampton has long been a fixture in the CW XI ODI squad, well known for his clever late innings hitting and his solid glovework. His recent stint in the Indian Premier League was disappointing, however, and in total he averages 23.50 in T20 cricket. But with a strike rate in excess of 150, he remains a danger. Lovable allrounder, Nick Hancock is the next name of the list. The Colts player had his best FC season last year, but continued to find OD selection and form elusive. He is yet to play a T20 fixture, but has made a career as a clever batsman and bowler, so his value is clear. The last signing of the round is the most experienced of them all. Andrew Garven has done the hard yards in Dev League cricket, transforming himself from an average domestic batsman to an attacking above-average domestic batsman. Indeed, he is perhaps the greatest CW player never to receive an international cap. In his time with South Australia he racked up 10 T20 appearances, scoring quickly, but with 92 as his only venture past 50.
Signings: AJ Crampton, NR Hancock, AJ Garven
 
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