Mr Mxyzptlk's "Oh No" XI -- Posted by Liam on Thursday, July 31 2003
This is my tribute to the mediocre. In every sport there are horrific failures of players who it seems had no merit of a place in their team to begin with. If you know that you are one of those players, do not read this article because few are safe from......
Mr Mxyzptlk's "Oh No" XI
Where to begin? In a sport of well over 250 international cricketers, the odds dictate that there are alot more than eleven of them who inspire a gasp and an "Oh no" from many a supporter. Still, I needed help in choosing the best XI of the worst, so I turned to the Cricket Web community and polled the forum as to their teams. The names which were fed back were, for the most part, none too surprising.
(Keep in mind that this is a Test team)
To begin the selection process, we start with the batsmen. Five is the number of unlucky bats which will play for my team.
The Nominees are
Imran Nazir (Test Bat Avge 32.84, FC Bat Avge 32.84)
Nazir averages the same in both Test and First Class cricket and neither average is anywhere near the hype which he received as a new Pakistani player. After numerous chances at International level, I think it's safe to say that Nazir is not the best young batsman in Pakistan.
Ashwell Prince (Test Bat Avge 16.81, FC 38.01)
Prince made his debut in the 2001/2002 season after an impressive 2000/2001 season where he scored 539 runs in 8 matches. Clearly this young man demanded selection. His 49 and 28 on debut were decent in the context of the South African batting, but since he has scored 108 runs in 9 innings. Prince debuted against a rampaging Aussie side, for a struggling team so I don't think he's not done enough to be selected.
Saleem Elahi (Test Bat Avge 18.95, FC Bat Avge 32.82)
Saleem Elahi picks himself in a team such as this. In 13 Tests and 24 innings, Elahi has just oozed class in scoring 436 runs at 19 per innings. Like Nazir, his FC average doesn't stand out, but in the past, the likes of Trescothick and Sarwan have proved domestic averages wrong. Sad to say, Elahi has not. To be fair to Elahi, he has compiled a good ODI record, but this is not an ODI team, so he'll be batting at the top.
Mathew Bell (Test Bat Avge 22.00, FC Bat Avge 34.85)
Another leading candidate for opening batsmen, the right-handed Bell has managed only 484 runs in his 13 Tests to date. He scored 4 runs in his first two Test innings and lasted a combined 16 balls in the two knocks. Sadly, Matthew will not be representing the team this time. His 105 against Pakistan in 2001 and a couple other fifties saves him this indignity.
Russell Arnold (Test Bat Avge 28.63, FC Bat Avge 42.65)
Russel Arnold's Test career has been in a downward spiral over the last two years. His average in Tests during that period stands at a less than mediocre 25.59. Over this period his career average has steadily dropped. His inconsistency is clearly evident in the fact that he has crossed 50 on average every 3 innings with one hundred, yet he scores just 25 per outing. He'll attempt to solidify my batting order.
Lou Vincent (Test Bat Avge 29.36, FC Bat Avge 29.18)
I must admit that I'm a Vincent fan and I've always hoped he would do well. Unfortunately, he's disappointed me time and time again. I looked at his First Class average at less than 30... for a specialist batsman! How did he get picked for the senior side anyway? That said, it takes guts to stand up to the Aussie attack and score a century on debut in a crucial match no less. For that Vincent gets a pardon, he will not play.
Matthew Horne (Test Bat Avge 28.38, FC Bat Avge 42.01)
Amongst the Cricket Web-heads, Horne seemed a fairly popular choice for this team. It's so incredible that a batsman of so much talent and will would be so inconsistent when it really counts. Horne has had season upon season of top cricket for Auckland, yet whenever he comes into the international fray, he struggles mightily. Horne makes the team because it's so clear what he could've been in contrast to what his stats say he is.
Mathew Sinclair (Test Bat Avge 37.93, FC Bat Avge 45.23)
The fourth Kiwi on this list, you're probably wondering what Sinclair is doing here with healthy averages in both Test and FC cricket. Consider that he scored 214 on debut and has since scored two other centuries including another double, yet he averages only 38 and the reasoning is more apparent. Regardless of that and the fact that he's passed 50 on only 4 occasions in his 33 innings since that 214, Sinclair will not make the XI.
Dion Ebrahim (Test Bat Avge 27.34, FC Bat Avge 27.91)
Dion Ebrahim is the only Zimbabwean nominee, which may surprise some. I figured that I'd give them a break seeing as they have enough problems to deal with right now. However, I just couldn't ignore Ebrahim's
Robert Key (Test Bat Avge 18.76, FC Bat Avge 33.76)
You had to see his selection from a mile away. Key is another one of my favourites (maybe I'm jinxing them...) but he has disappointed me no end. His 244 runs in 8 Tests are just not up to grade. Whilst Key will hopefully rebound and regain a successful place in the side, for the moment he will draw crowds for me. His 174 not out in a warm-up during the 2002/2003 Ashes in Australia is be better remembered than anything he's done at Test level. His incapacity to score runs against Zimbabwe lands him a spot in my middle order.
The Final Five:-
1/ Matthew Horne (NZ)
2/ Imran Nazir (Pak)
3/ Saleem Elahi (Pak)
4/ Robert Key (Eng)
5/ Russel Arnold (SL)
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On to the positions of resident allrounder and wicketkeeper. Now these two spots were harder to choose because of the lack of lack of quality in these positions. With players such as Kallis, Gilchrist, Boucher and of course Anthony McGrath proving World class cricketers in more than one field, you must surely sympathize.
Nevertheless, The Nominees for allrounder are:-
Justin Ontong (Test Bat Avge 20.50, FC Bat Avge 30.50, FC Bowl Avge 30.70)
As much as hate to move into the racial issues which surround the sport of cricket, it's undeniable that Ontong was initially selected to make up numbers. His name was twice nominated, more than any allrounder, in the Cricket Web poll. However, he's only played one Test and certainly was not the worst player in that Test, so I hereby strike his nomination.
Sean Ervine (Test Bat Avge 10.50, Test Bowl Avge 56.00, FC Bat Avge 33.07, FC Bowl Avge 49.43)
See Justin Ontong.
Ervine's only played 2 Tests but he was picked as an allrounder, yet his Test economy rate of 4.48 and FC econ. of 3.89 don't really inspire. I rate Ervine as a decent young batsman, but I wouldn't trust him to bowl an over unless the life of a piece of fried chicken depended on it.
Shoaib Malik (Test Bat Avge 17.00, Test Bowl Avge 40.50, FC Bat Avge 24.08, FC Bowl Avge 24.18)
Malik has only played two Tests and has not done all that much wrong to warrant a straight axing. That said, if his selection means the non-selection of Saqlain Mushtaq (a far superior off-spinner), then by all means he should be sacked.
Shahid Afridi (Test Bat Avge 32.50, Test Bowl Avge 31.47, FC Bat Avge 30.26, FC Bowl Avge 28.11)
Sahibzaha Mohammad Shahid Khan Afridi is a dynamite batsman. Unfortunely, his explosions are usually short and predictable in manner and length. His stats are not world-beating, but they aren't bad enough to warrant selection to this XI.
Ajit Agarkar (Test Bat Avge 15.47, Test Bowl Avge 46.57, FC Bat Avge 25.51, FC Bowl Avge 26.36)
When considering "shouldn't-be-rated" allrounders, one name springs to mind. The legend known to many as AA, but preferring to be called Ajit Agarkar. Agarkar's 35 wickets in 16 matches are incredible if only because he was persisted with for so many matches. His string of ducks against Australia is perhaps his second greatest achievement (after all it is a world record) but his crowning moment has to be his fiery hundred against England last summer. The Englishmen still hang their heads in shame.
Clearly there's a shortage of substandard allrounders in modern day cricket. Where have all the Kapil Devs, the Sobers and the Bothams gone? Thank goodness for good old Ajit, or else I would have had a problem.
The Allrounder:-7/ Ajit Agarkar (Ind)
We proceed...
The Nominees for wicketkeeper are:-
Ajay Ratra (Test Bat Avge 18.11 (13 dismissals), FC Bat Avge 24.29 (118 dismissals) )
Minus his unbeaten 115 on a flat batting wicket, and he would be averaging just over 5 with the bat. Ratra's glove work has been solid, but his batting has to improve if even slightly for him not to make my team.
James Foster (Test Bat Avge 25.11 (18 dismissals), FC Bat Avge 25.92 (122 dismissals) )
Foster's England callup had many a supporter scratching his (or her) head. It just seemed unbelievable and somewhat wrong that he would get the chance to replace Stewart (if temporarily) before other better wicketkeepers. While Foster is not a horrible player by any means, England could have done better. His keeping is far from top notch and his batting - ditto.
The Wicketkeeper:-6/ Ajay Ratra (Ind)
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We need 20 wickets to win a match and now it's time to search for the 4 bowlers who seem least deserving of the opportunity to get those wickets.
There are no nominees for the bowling attack because I could only find 4 worthy of mention. Here they are in no particular order:-
Richard Dawson (Test Bowl Avge 61.54, FC Bowl Avge 41.80)
Why Dawson? Of all the substandard spinners in England, why did they have to pick Dawson? It may just be me, but an average of over 40 per wicket doesn't inspire me that a bowler can trouble the Australian batting order or even a Zimbabwean lineup for that matter. His economy of 3.63 and SR of 101.4 speaks for itself. Richard Kevin James Dawson... at least his name sounds cool.
Mluleki Nkala (Test Bowl Avge 65.62, FC Bowl Avge 44.03)
There have been quite a few disappointing players in Zimbabwean cricket over the years, but Nkala takes the cake. In his 7 Test career, he's picked up just 8 wickets and has a SR of 132 to boot. It would be wrong for me not to allow Nkala the opportunity to shine for my XI.
Tinu Yohannan (Test Bowl Avge 51.20, FC Bowl Avge 33.29)
Tinu Yohannan is the poster child for the "I-am-not-worthy-of-a-place-but-you-picked-me-anyway" generation. For a player who clearly is not picked for his batting prowess, Yohannan is a very unimpressive cricketer. His bowling has never really looked up to scratch and his FC avge of 33.29 doesn't catch one's eye. Yes you may argue that the Indian pitches are dead and lifeless, but when the likes of Balaji and Salvi are tearing through batting lineups, I tend to notice.
Steve Harmison
I didn't want to have to resort to Harmison, but due to the lack of candidates, I had to. Harmison had a very unimpressive Ashes series statistically (but so did the rest of the England bowlers) and, until his 6/77 match figures in the 2nd Test against Zimbabwe this year, his bowling average suffered for it. He possesses good pace but lacks the control to put six balls on a spot in an over. As a favour to him, because in my opinion, he doesn't fully warrant his place in the side, I will make him honourary vice-captain.
---------------
Now for the full "Oh No" XI...
1/ Matthew Horne (NZ)
2/ Imran Nazir (Pak)
3/ Saleem Elahi (Pak)
4/ Russel Arnold (SL)
5/ Robert Key (Eng)
6/ Ajay Ratra (Ind) - wicketkeeper
7/ Ajit Agarkar (Ind)
8/ Richard Dawson (Eng)
9/ Mluleki Nkala (Zim)
10/ Steve Harmison (Eng)
11/ Tinu Yohannan (Ind)
England and India hold the monopoly with three representees each in the XI (not that I'm counting....).
To round off proceedings, the naming of the captain.
For his unmatched popularity and fan following, the captain of the first Mr Mxyzptlk's "Oh No" XI is Ajit Agarkar (somehwhere, there are alot of happy people).
(Please note that there are no Bangladeshis on the team for the simple reason that I believe that any Bangladeshi cricketer deserves his place on his national side, no matter how (for lack of a better word) crappy he is.
Please send all questions, comments and general feedback to liam.camps@cricketweb.net
South Africa's greatest ever -- Posted by Eddie on Friday, July 25 2003
My love affair with cricket started on July 28, 1965. I remember the day as though it was yesterday - dry, warm and sunny (wasn't every day just perfect when you were a child?) and I cannot say that I was particularly enthusiastic about what was in store for me.
The school holidays, as far as I was concerned, were for one purpose only - fishing, and I was none too pleased when my father said "We are going to Canterbury to watch a cricket match."
The South Africans were in town for a three day match against Kent - only the day before, they had narrowly failed to press home a victory against England at Lord's in a tense affair which had swung first one way then the other, but of course I knew little of such matters. Cricket is seldom played on the Prince of Wales pier, Dover.
I would be lying if I claimed any recollection of the journey along the A2 in what was laughingly described as a 'family saloon car' - suffice to say that it would have been cramped and uncomfortable yet mercifully short. I do recall my first view of the St Lawrence Cricket Ground though - very green with (how strange) an enormous tree within the area of play.
Some of the Kent names sounded familiar - Colin Cowdrey in particular - my father always had a glimmer in his eye when he spoke of the great man in hushed, almost reverent tones as though saying his name out loud or out of place was somehow sacrilegious.
Denness, Luckhurst, Underwood, Knott - all were yet to make their mark as far as the England selectors were concerned yet the match programme extolled the virtues of each as though they were stars in the making.
What of the Springboks? The Pollock brothers rang a bell, although this may have had more to do with the type of fish known to inhabit reefs and rocky areas - and the piles close to piers. Colin Bland - I saw brief television coverage of him giving an athletic demonstration of cover fielding which basically consisted of someone throwing cricket balls in his general direction and Bland would swoop, throw and hit a single stump time after time.
If I had been able to avoid the trip, would I have ever so much as played the game? I don't know, but what I DO know is that the experience changed me for life.
The first day saw South Africa bat first, and the crowd became terribly excited when two were winkled out with the total on just 40. For the next four hours, Canterbury was witness to an innings of such sumptuous stroke-play, a master-class even by Graeme Pollock, just 21 years of age, that I was instantly hooked (for want of a better word).
A declaration an hour or more before the close came immediately following yet another Pollock boundary which took him past 200 - plenty of time for Pollock Senior to mar my father's day still further by cleaning up Cowdrey for a couple. Suffice to say, I was the instigator of the outing the next day to see Kent finally dismissed for 74 before lunch and then to be bowled out again for 144 before the close.
The following week, we went to my grandmother's house in Derbyshire for a few days - less than 20 miles from Trent Bridge, the venue for the second test match. I surprised myself when I suggested that further investigation of this latest fad was required. Day one belonged most definitely to me - Graeme Pollock scored yet another scintillating hundred - but the old man held sway on the Friday as Cowdrey cut and drove his own way to three figures.
Thus began my love affair with cricket in general and the nurturing of a soft spot for the Proteas in particular. As I write this line NOW, South Africa are 342-1 in the first innings against England at Edgbaston in 2003. Herschelle Gibbs has just departed, Graeme Smith looks as though he would be happy to be batting at this time tomorrow and the English are on the rack - familiar territory indeed.
Strolling back down memory lane, it would be almost three decades before the abhorrent political system in South Africa was dismantled and the sides were to meet again - but what of the interim period?
Whatever the rights and wrongs, South Africa played two series against Australia, both at home, before their ultimate exile which remained in place until April 1992 and the historic match against the West Indies at the Kensington Oval, Barbados where Ambrose and Walsh welcomed them back to the fold.
The South African 'Class of 70' was, in my mind, one of the greatest collections of cricketers to ever be assembled in one place at one time. The Australian side which included Lawry, Redpath, Stackpole, Ian Chappell, Walters, Taber, Gleeson and McKenzie was as good as anything else in the world at the time. They weren't just beaten - they were absolutely thrashed in every test match.
The margins tell only part of the story :
Cape Town - 170 runs
Durban - Innings and 129 runs
Johannesburg - 307 runs
Port Elizabeth - 323 runs.
It was the manner, the style in which Ali Bacher's side triumphed - attractive, attacking cricket - which endeared them to me and made their 22-year exile so painful, yet so necessary. Some of the players in that South African side rank amongst the very best of the 20th century. The question I ask is a simple one - did politics rob the world of the greatest test side of them all?
Barry Richards
One of the greatest batsmen of the last century, he played just four times for his country - all in the 1970 series - registering two hundreds and two fifties. Quick, brave and with an uncanny ability to be in position so early as to be almost waiting for the ball where HE wanted it, Gloucestershire, Hampshire and South Australia were all the better for his mighty presence at the top of the order.
Trevor Goddard
His career almost over, Trevor bowed out from first-class cricket after the Australia series. A more than useful all-rounder, he opened the batting in the first three games before giving way to Eddie Barlow for the fourth test. He wasn't a success with the bat but still found the time to pick up 9 wickets with his unerringly accurate left arm medium pace. His career economy rate of 1.64 runs conceded per over is simply staggering.
Ali Bacher
The jury will remain out for ever on Aron 'Ali' Bacher as far as his test career was concerned - just half a dozen fifties in a twelve tests. It is possible that his tenure on the captaincy might have been an early casualty should circumstances have been different, for waiting in the wings was the fearsome Mike Procter.
Graeme Pollock
Sir Donald Bradman was never able to make up his mind regarding the greatest leftie in cricket history - Sobers or Pollock? Many nowadays would add Brian Lara in the same bracket and I, for one, would not argue the point for too long. Pollock at 21 was simply breathtaking. At 26, in the 1970 series against Australia, he was very much in his prime. Just one century in the series, but it was the small matter of 274.
Eddie Barlow
Eddie was South Africa's version of Ian Botham, although he made his runs in an altogether different manner. Gritty, determined, he was a stubborn batsman at the top of the order and a pretty useful medium pacer. His two hundreds, eleven wickets and eight slip catches in 1970 are but a small part of what he added to the side. He became an inspirational leader to Derbyshire in the 1970's and remains a legend in the game.
Lee Irvine
Brian Lee Irvine played just the four tests for South Africa, hitting a century and a couple of fifties in averaging over fifty. A hard-hitting player, he had an eye for the maximums, swatting half a dozen sixes in the series. Later in his career, he made a name for himself as a wicket-keeper although he never took the gloves in his all-too-brief test career.
Mike Procter
Procter with the bat was simply awesome, although a high score of just 48 in test cricket does him no justice whatsoever. He was 23 in 1970, made useful twenties and thirties every time he went out to bat in the series but it was with the ball he made his mark. 26 wickets at just 13 runs apiece brought his aggregate to 41 in just seven games. Surely, he would have been the quickest to 50 in a test career had circumstances not dictated otherwise - and remember, they all came against Australia. His record for Gloucestershire is legendary - no-one who saw his famous hat-trick of leg-befores whilst bowling around the wicket will ever forget it. One of the greatest all-rounders in the history of the game.
Denis Lindsay
Shared the wicket-keeping duties with Dennis Gamsy during the series, although when he first broke into the side it was as a specialist middle-order batsman. Lindsay became a class wicket-keeper batsman, scorer of three test match hundreds and with an average approaching 40 with the bat at the highest level.
Peter Pollock
A genuinely hostile fast bowler, Peter Pollock on his day was as good as they come. In the 1970 series, although the raw pace of his youth was no longer the major part of his arsenal, he could still be witheringly quick. He was, however, a bowler with uncanny control and his 15 wickets at an average of 17 came during spells where he conceded little more than two runs an over. His career record of 116 wickets at 24 is up there with the best. In addition, he was a more than useful late-order batsman, capable of wielding the long handle as well as playing with restraint as circumstances dictated.
Graeme Chevalier
Used as the token spinner in one game only, slow left armer Graeme picked up match figures of 5-100 in his only appearance at the highest level. He failed to trouble the scorers with the bat - nothing unusual as a first-class career average under 5 reveals.
Tiger Lance
Herbert Roy Lance was a useful all-rounder who never truly made the transition into test cricket. Never a more than temporary fixture in the team, his batting average of 28 despite seven half-centuries in just 13 appearances demonstrate a frailty early on in his innings.
John Traicos
John's story is remarkable, but his cricket wasn't - at least, not at the highest level. Born in Egypt, off-spinner Traicos played three games in the 1970 series but was sparingly used. He is, I believe, the only direct playing link from the great South African side of 1970 to that of the present day. In October 1992, at the age of 45, he played in the inaugural Zimbabwe test side in Harare against India. Opening the batting for Zimbabwe that day was Grant Flower who played in the 2003 NatWest Series against South Africa.
Pat Trimborn
Just the one game in the series for Pat Trimborn, a lively medium pacer who gave little away. His four victims included Doug Walters, Ian Chappell and Paul Sheahan, but he was never more than a fringe player. A career average of 22 with the ball in a 15 year career indicate his capabilities.
Kelly Seymour
Off-spinner Seymour played a solitary game in the series, seven tests in all and only 38 first class games in a ten year career.
Dennis Gamsy
Gamsy kept wicket in the first two games of the series, but gave way to Denis Lindsay for the last two games. A fine keeper, he played in an era when the likes of John Waite and Dennis Lindsay had prior claim on the gloves at the highest level.
The side never had the chance to play against Pakistan, India or the West Indies because of the horror which was apartheid, but they were more than a match for England or Australia.
The alienation of South African cricket did not start with John Vorster's disgraceful outburst against the selection of Basil D'Oliveira - as far as half of the world's cricketing nations were concerned, it had always been there, and rightly so. Some say that sport and politics do not mix, but how can they ever be separated? Sport IS politics - because both are part of life itself and the world is better - or worse - for it.
Still, I cannot help but wonder. What would the Proteas of 1970 have done with Holding, Richards, Marshall and the like?
Mr Mxyzptlk's "Oh No" XI -- Posted by Liam on Friday, July 25 2003
This is my tribute to the mediocre. In every sport there are horrific failures of players who it seems had no merit of a place in their team to begin with. If you know that you are one of those players, do not read this article because few are safe from......
Mr Mxyzptlk's "Oh No" XI
Where to begin? In a sport of well over 250 international cricketers, the odds dictate that there are alot more than eleven of them who inspire a gasp and an "Oh no" from many a supporter. Still, I needed help in choosing the best XI of the worst, so I turned to the Cricket Web community and polled the forum as to their teams. The names which were fed back were, for the most part, none too surprising.
(Keep in mind that this is a Test team)
To begin the selection process, we start with the batsmen. Five is the number of unlucky bats which will play for my team.
The Nominees are
Imran Nazir (Test Bat Avge 32.84, FC Bat Avge 32.84)
Nazir averages the same in both Test and First Class cricket and neither average is anywhere near the hype which he received as a new Pakistani player. After numerous chances at International level, I think it's safe to say that Nazir is not the best young batsman in Pakistan.
Ashwell Prince (Test Bat Avge 16.81, FC 38.01)
Prince made his debut in the 2001/2002 season after an impressive 2000/2001 season where he scored 539 runs in 8 matches. Clearly this young man demanded selection. His 49 and 28 on debut were decent in the context of the South African batting, but since he has scored 108 runs in 9 innings. Prince debuted against a rampaging Aussie side, for a struggling team so I don't think he's not done enough to be selected.
Saleem Elahi (Test Bat Avge 18.95, FC Bat Avge 32.82)
Saleem Elahi picks himself in a team such as this. In 13 Tests and 24 innings, Elahi has just oozed class in scoring 436 runs at 19 per innings. Like Nazir, his FC average doesn't stand out, but in the past, the likes of Trescothick and Sarwan have proved domestic averages wrong. Sad to say, Elahi has not. To be fair to Elahi, he has compiled a good ODI record, but this is not an ODI team, so he'll be batting at the top.
Mathew Bell (Test Bat Avge 22.00, FC Bat Avge 34.85)
Another leading candidate for opening batsmen, the right-handed Bell has managed only 484 runs in his 13 Tests to date. He scored 4 runs in his first two Test innings and lasted a combined 16 balls in the two knocks. Sadly, Matthew will not be representing the team this time. His 105 against Pakistan in 2001 and a couple other fifties saves him this indignity.
Russell Arnold (Test Bat Avge 28.63, FC Bat Avge 42.65)
Russel Arnold's Test career has been in a downward spiral over the last two years. His average in Tests during that period stands at a less than mediocre 25.59. Over this period his career average has steadily dropped. His inconsistency is clearly evident in the fact that he has crossed 50 on average every 3 innings with one hundred, yet he scores just 25 per outing. He'll attempt to solidify my batting order.
Lou Vincent (Test Bat Avge 29.36, FC Bat Avge 29.18)
I must admit that I'm a Vincent fan and I've always hoped he would do well. Unfortunately, he's disappointed me time and time again. I looked at his First Class average at less than 30... for a specialist batsman! How did he get picked for the senior side anyway? That said, it takes guts to stand up to the Aussie attack and score a century on debut in a crucial match no less. For that Vincent gets a pardon, he will not play.
Matthew Horne (Test Bat Avge 28.38, FC Bat Avge 42.01)
Amongst the Cricket Web-heads, Horne seemed a fairly popular choice for this team. It's so incredible that a batsman of so much talent and will would be so inconsistent when it really counts. Horne has had season upon season of top cricket for Auckland, yet whenever he comes into the international fray, he struggles mightily. Horne makes the team because it's so clear what he could've been in contrast to what his stats say he is.
Mathew Sinclair (Test Bat Avge 37.93, FC Bat Avge 45.23)
The fourth Kiwi on this list, you're probably wondering what Sinclair is doing here with healthy averages in both Test and FC cricket. Consider that he scored 214 on debut and has since scored two other centuries including another double, yet he averages only 38 and the reasoning is more apparent. Regardless of that and the fact that he's passed 50 on only 4 occasions in his 33 innings since that 214, Sinclair will not make the XI.
Dion Ebrahim (Test Bat Avge 27.34, FC Bat Avge 27.91)
Dion Ebrahim is the only Zimbabwean nominee, which may surprise some. I figured that I'd give them a break seeing as they have enough problems to deal with right now. However, I just couldn't ignore Ebrahim's
Robert Key (Test Bat Avge 18.76, FC Bat Avge 33.76)
You had to see his selection from a mile away. Key is another one of my favourites (maybe I'm jinxing them...) but he has disappointed me no end. His 244 runs in 8 Tests are just not up to grade. Whilst Key will hopefully rebound and regain a successful place in the side, for the moment he will draw crowds for me. His 174 not out in a warm-up during the 2002/2003 Ashes in Australia is be better remembered than anything he's done at Test level. His incapacity to score runs against Zimbabwe lands him a spot in my middle order.
The Final Five:-
1/ Matthew Horne (NZ)
2/ Imran Nazir (Pak)
3/ Saleem Elahi (Pak)
4/ Robert Key (Eng)
5/ Russel Arnold (SL)
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On to the positions of resident allrounder and wicketkeeper. Now these two spots were harder to choose because of the lack of lack of quality in these positions. With players such as Kallis, Gilchrist, Boucher and of course Anthony McGrath proving World class cricketers in more than one field, you must surely sympathize.
Nevertheless, The Nominees for allrounder are:-
Justin Ontong (Test Bat Avge 20.50, FC Bat Avge 30.50, FC Bowl Avge 30.70)
As much as hate to move into the racial issues which surround the sport of cricket, it's undeniable that Ontong was initially selected to make up numbers. His name was twice nominated, more than any allrounder, in the Cricket Web poll. However, he's only played one Test and certainly was not the worst player in that Test, so I hereby strike his nomination.
Sean Ervine (Test Bat Avge 10.50, Test Bowl Avge 56.00, FC Bat Avge 33.07, FC Bowl Avge 49.43)
See Justin Ontong.
Ervine's only played 2 Tests but he was picked as an allrounder, yet his Test economy rate of 4.48 and FC econ. of 3.89 don't really inspire. I rate Ervine as a decent young batsman, but I wouldn't trust him to bowl an over unless the life of a piece of fried chicken depended on it.
Shoaib Malik (Test Bat Avge 17.00, Test Bowl Avge 40.50, FC Bat Avge 24.08, FC Bowl Avge 24.18)
Malik has only played two Tests and has not done all that much wrong to warrant a straight axing. That said, if his selection means the non-selection of Saqlain Mushtaq (a far superior off-spinner), then by all means he should be sacked.
Shahid Afridi (Test Bat Avge 32.50, Test Bowl Avge 31.47, FC Bat Avge 30.26, FC Bowl Avge 28.11)
Sahibzaha Mohammad Shahid Khan Afridi is a dynamite batsman. Unfortunely, his explosions are usually short and predictable in manner and length. His stats are not world-beating, but they aren't bad enough to warrant selection to this XI.
Ajit Agarkar (Test Bat Avge 15.47, Test Bowl Avge 46.57, FC Bat Avge 25.51, FC Bowl Avge 26.36)
When considering "shouldn't-be-rated" allrounders, one name springs to mind. The legend known to many as AA, but preferring to be called Ajit Agarkar. Agarkar's 35 wickets in 16 matches are incredible if only because he was persisted with for so many matches. His string of ducks against Australia is perhaps his second greatest achievement (after all it is a world record) but his crowning moment has to be his fiery hundred against England last summer. The Englishmen still hang their heads in shame.
Clearly there's a shortage of substandard allrounders in modern day cricket. Where have all the Kapil Devs, the Sobers and the Bothams gone? Thank goodness for good old Ajit, or else I would have had a problem.
The Allrounder:-7/ Ajit Agarkar (Ind)
We proceed...
The Nominees for wicketkeeper are:-
Ajay Ratra (Test Bat Avge 18.11 (13 dismissals), FC Bat Avge 24.29 (118 dismissals) )
Minus his unbeaten 115 on a flat batting wicket, and he would be averaging just over 5 with the bat. Ratra's glove work has been solid, but his batting has to improve if even slightly for him not to make my team.
James Foster (Test Bat Avge 25.11 (18 dismissals), FC Bat Avge 25.92 (122 dismissals) )
Foster's England callup had many a supporter scratching his (or her) head. It just seemed unbelievable and somewhat wrong that he would get the chance to replace Stewart (if temporarily) before other better wicketkeepers. While Foster is not a horrible player by any means, England could have done better. His keeping is far from top notch and his batting - ditto.
The Wicketkeeper:-6/ Ajay Ratra (Ind)
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We need 20 wickets to win a match and now it's time to search for the 4 bowlers who seem least deserving of the opportunity to get those wickets.
There are no nominees for the bowling attack because I could only find 4 worthy of mention. Here they are in no particular order:-
Richard Dawson (Test Bowl Avge 61.54, FC Bowl Avge 41.80)
Why Dawson? Of all the substandard spinners in England, why did they have to pick Dawson? It may just be me, but an average of over 40 per wicket doesn't inspire me that a bowler can trouble the Australian batting order or even a Zimbabwean lineup for that matter. His economy of 3.63 and SR of 101.4 speaks for itself. Richard Kevin James Dawson... at least his name sounds cool.
Mluleki Nkala (Test Bowl Avge 65.62, FC Bowl Avge 44.03)
There have been quite a few disappointing players in Zimbabwean cricket over the years, but Nkala takes the cake. In his 7 Test career, he's picked up just 8 wickets and has a SR of 132 to boot. It would be wrong for me not to allow Nkala the opportunity to shine for my XI.
Tinu Yohannan (Test Bowl Avge 51.20, FC Bowl Avge 33.29)
Tinu Yohannan is the poster child for the "I-am-not-worthy-of-a-place-but-you-picked-me-anyway" generation. For a player who clearly is not picked for his batting prowess, Yohannan is a very unimpressive cricketer. His bowling has never really looked up to scratch and his FC avge of 33.29 doesn't catch one's eye. Yes you may argue that the Indian pitches are dead and lifeless, but when the likes of Balaji and Salvi are tearing through batting lineups, I tend to notice.
Steve Harmison
I didn't want to have to resort to Harmison, but due to the lack of candidates, I had to. Harmison had a very unimpressive Ashes series statistically (but so did the rest of the England bowlers) and, until his 6/77 match figures in the 2nd Test against Zimbabwe this year, his bowling average suffered for it. He possesses good pace but lacks the control to put six balls on a spot in an over. As a favour to him, because in my opinion, he doesn't fully warrant his place in the side, I will make him honourary vice-captain.
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Now for the full "Oh No" XI...
1/ Matthew Horne (NZ)
2/ Imran Nazir (Pak)
3/ Saleem Elahi (Pak)
4/ Russel Arnold (SL)
5/ Robert Key (Eng)
6/ Ajay Ratra (Ind) - wicketkeeper
7/ Ajit Agarkar (Ind)
8/ Richard Dawson (Eng)
9/ Mluleki Nkala (Zim)
10/ Steve Harmison (Eng)
11/ Tinu Yohannan (Ind)
England and India hold the monopoly with three representees each in the XI (not that I'm counting....).
To round off proceedings, the naming of the captain.
For his unmatched popularity and fan following, the captain of the first Mr Mxyzptlk's "Oh No" XI is Ajit Agarkar (somehwhere, there are alot of happy people).
(Please note that there are no Bangladeshis on the team for the simple reason that I believe that any Bangladeshi cricketer deserves his place on his national side, no matter how (for lack of a better word) crappy he is.
Please send all questions, comments and general feedback to liam.camps@cricketweb.net
The Lone Soldier -- Posted by Andre on Wednesday, July 9 2003
Very few international cricketers have it as tough as Heath Streak. Not only does he carry the weight of his nation as their captain and World-Class player, he also has to deal with the fact that his family farm is constantly in uncertainty.
Unfortunately, nothing under the Mugabe regime in Zimbabwe is safe. Streak faces the constant, daily uncertainty over the future of his family and their property, while battling the rigours of the international circuit.
Streak is a cricketer of the highest order - top-class seam bowler (he was once ranked as high as number 4 in the world), highly capable batsman (he has won Zimbabwe international matches with the blade) and a brilliant fielder to boot.
One may argue that the captaincy is an unnecessary burden for the man built like an ox. Sadly, he is the only Zimbabwean cricketer of the highest order left in the current side, making him the only player really capable of the captaincy job.
The side has undergone mass reconstruction since the 1999 World Cup.
The first two players to leave were Neil Johnson and Murray Goodwin. Both were fine international cricketers in their own right, with Johnson being recognised as one of the top all-rounders in World Cup 1999 and Goodwin one of the most stylish stroke men on the circuit. They now play professionally in South Africa and Australia respectively.
Leading leg-spinner and all-rounder Paul Strang was forced to retire in 2001 following persistent knee injuries. These 3 players had made up 3 of Zimbabwe's big 5 - the other 2 being Andy Flower and Streak.
At one stage, current middle-order batsman Grant Flower was the nation's premier bat ahead of brother Andy.
Sadly, since the year 2000, Grant has experienced a massive form slump and now bats in the middle order following a strong career at the top of the order. He shows glimpses of his former self, yet in a side that lacks experience and class, it is just a small drop of class in an ocean of mediocrity.
How Zimbabwe wish for more than a flash in the pan.
Following World Cup 2003, however, was when the Africa nation felt its harshest times within the squad.
Henry Olonga, the first black cricketer for Zimbabwe and a pioneer for youngsters worldwide, was forced into hiding following his brave armband protest against Robert Mugabe.
While the Zimbabwean cricket side lost a talented performer, Olonga highlighted himself as a truly amazing person of substance and courage alongside Andy Flower. His future endeavors in life have world-wide support.
Andy Flower, Zimbabwe's greatest ever cricketer, then retired from the international game following the arm-band protest to take up a lucrative offer with South Australia.
Flower was Zimbabwe's master. One of the best batsmen in the world and a fine glove man. It was common knowledge that he will and has proved to be irreplaceable, both as a cricketer and as a human being.
Alistair Campbell and Guy Whittall, both former national captains, also quietly slipped into retirement. While they had been past their best form for to years or so, there experience would have proved invaluable for the inexperienced side.
Alas, Streak is now left alone as the World class performer. He takes first use of the new ball and bats at number 7 in the side.
On Sunday against England, he almost single-handedly snatched the game for Zimbabwe, taking 4/21 in a display of seam bowling that any quick in their prime would have been proud of.
Just one day before he had top-scored with 54 in a total of 174 for his side. Over the weekend, he scored almost a quarter of the 266 runs Zimbabwe made and took 4 of the 5 wickets to fall.
However, the future is not as bleak as some suggest. Tatenda Taibu looks a fine prospect - at just 21, his time in the sun will come.
Douglas Hondo has the unique ability to bowl the unplayable delivery. Currently, however, he bowls far too many that are playable.
Andy Blignaut has mounds of talent that would be best used with patience. That will develop over time, as will Sean Ervine.
Mark Vermeulen, despite his ill-discipline off field, has oodles of class with the blade on it.
The nation and world cricket wait in hope for the day Grant Flower returns to his best. It will be a site to behold and treasured by all who see it.
Regardless of the current struggles, on and off the field, there is one thing sure about Zimbabwe in world cricket.
Their captain courageous, Heath Hilton Streak, has proved time and time again he is a top line cricketer. If anything, the side deserves a few victories just for their inspirational leader's sake.