When worlds collide?

Australia, on the eve of the historic first test match against Bangladesh, are running scared. So worried are they regarding the penetrative bowling attack from the subcontinent that they have packed the side with SEVEN batsmen.

At least, that's what people say when England do it.

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Credit where credit's due - that's what I always say.

Pardon?

All right, I've never given anyone credit for anything before in my life, but a huge vote of thanks goes out to Sky Sports for the wonderful entertainment they staged during the tea interval on Day 1 of the Lancashire v Kent game at Blackpool this week.

Picture the scene - the cameras pan up to Blackpool Tower then down again to Central Pier. There, towards the end of the pier is a strange-looking, sun-ripened, wizened old gentleman, trousers rolled up above his knees, knotted handkerchief on his head to protect him from the scorching rays and munching on a Mr Softee '99'. A double-take - he looks familiar - oh yes, it's Lancashire's favourite son, Bumble.

For five minutes, he recited an extract from Marriot Edgar's wonderful epic poem The Lion and Albert in his rich, Lancastrian accent (the few cricket fans older than me may remember that it was a Stanley Holloway standard) - believe me, it was a really special moment in the history of sports broadcasting.

All credit to David Lloyd for putting on such a splendid, comic interlude - and for opening himself up once more for a serious lampooning from the duck. Only I just can't bring myself to do it, so powerful was the projected image - so magnificent the performance.

I've heard that David Lloyd is from Accrington - are you sure it's not Barking?

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His Royal Lefthandedness, Sourav Ganguly, has struck back at those who scoffed at his claims that India are the third-best team in the world (after Australia and Australia 'A').

"The Aussies are the only ones ahead of us - my boys are pretty experienced. We have travelled the world." he said. Not this year, they haven't, at least not as far as test matches are concerned. Maybe their passports have expired.

Meanwhile, Arun Lal has hit out at the Rediff world rankings which place India at number 8 in the ODI tables - this in a 12 month period where they finished runners-up in the World Cup, joint winners in the Champions Trophy and won the NatWest Trophy in England last summer.

One thing's fairly certain, though. If you wrote the name of each individual test-playing nation on a separate card, shuffled them and dealt them out in turn, you would in all likelihood be just as accurate as the ICC were when they had South Africa top, Australia second and India sixth.

In other news: New ICC test match and one-day international ranking methods revealed.

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Clarkewatch, dateline 15-17 July, 2003

Venue :The AMP Oval
Event :Tour match, Surrey 'Q' v India 'A'

Bowling

A stunning spell, single-handedly carrying a weak bowling lineup against strong international opposition. 2-36 from 18 almost unplayable overs.

Batting

A stunning innings, single-handedly carrying a weak batting lineup against strong international opposition. 38 off 35 almost unplayable balls.

Unfortunately, someone forgot to put new ink in the little pens of the Clarkeometer so we have no up-to-date values, but Horace who looks after the litter bins at The Oval says that he's sure that Rikki's six went a long way, and that Geoff Miller's milkman was delivering a couple of crates of gold top to the tea lady at the time so the ECB selectors are sure to have heard all about it.

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Australia v Bangladesh - Day 1

Sleepy Darwin was awakened from its slumbers yesterday as the International Cricket Roadshow rode into town. The freezing winter weather (it was a mere 31 degrees at noon) continued unabated as the groundsman broke the ice to put the stumps in.

I asked head curator and part-time sheep-dip operative, Tony Ware, what the facilities were like at the Marrara ground. "Well, we've made any number of improvements with the Aussie spectator in mind. We now have pubs, saloons, bars, a couple of inns, a tap room and a tavern." And the grandstands? "What's a grandstand? Some fancy drinking establishment?" he replied.

The pitch had been unloaded from the lorry and skipper Steve Waugh tossed the coin. Khaled Mahmud called 'heads' and the coin indeed came down heads-up. Steve said "You bat, mate".

Khaled said "But we are winning the toss", then Steve reminded the Bangladeshi skipper that this is the SOUTHERN hemisphere and that the side of the coin pointing downwards is the one that counts - something to do with the Coreolis Effect.

After the sheep had been herded from the outfield, the game got under way. Bruce, who owns Marrara farm, reminded both teams that they had to be away by Monday at the latest because the drop-in pitch had in fact been dropped into the best barramundi fishing hole for miles around, and the wet season is just around the corner.

The bars emptied and play got under way. Everyone was dressed in their best bib and tucker to mark the historic occasion, even though it interrupted Darwin's preparation for the annual Beer Can Regatta, just a couple of weeks away.

Morning hangovers were soon being loudly interrupted by the steady fall of wickets. After three raucous, noisy hours, it was all over. Bangladesh had scored a Zimbabwe-like 97 with the wickets shared out amongst all four Aussie all-rounders.

When Australia came out to bat, they lost Hayden and Ponting early. As the sun beat down mercilessly, you could hardly raise the energy to open another tube. The afternoon dragged on, but thankfully the Australian batsmen recognised the right of the locals to enjoy a quiet snooze.

When the umpires called time, nobody noticed. By then, everyone had left - including third umpire Simon Taufel. Apparently, there's a hat sale on - and the corks are free.





Posted by Eddie