NZ umpiring baffles duck
Wednesday, July 23 2003New Zealand's umpires have been told in no uncertain terms that the current policy of explaining decisions to players is to be abandoned for the forthcoming season. I asked New Zealand Cricket 's umpires manager Brian Aldridge for an explanation of the reasoning behind the new ruling : "I'm not going to tell you." he replied.
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The Australia v Bangladesh test match as Darwin was remarkable for a couple of things - first of all, Steve Waugh became only the second player to score test centuries against all (nine and counting - that is until Kenya, Ireland and the Isle of Wight are admitted) the other current test-playing countries, and the fact that Martin Lloyd Love went into the history books as the first Aussie ever to make a golden blob against Bangladesh.
Love, the David Hookes of his generation, first came to prominence as far as England fans are concerned with consecutive double-centuries last winter against the Poms but he found the Bangladeshi bowlers a much stiffer proposition (well, Mashrafe Mortaza at any rate - he was the only one he faced - and then only for one ball).
Despite the fact that Darwin is not particularly famous for being a farming area, three quarters of an hour after lunch on the second day, 4,669 voices as one shouted in unison "Close the gate, Love", but it was too late. The horse had bolted - and so had his middle stump, bowled between bat and pad. If Love doesn't make the side for the second test, what an entry THAT will make on his cricketing cv - average against Bangladesh - 0.
The second day of the game was expected by many to be the last (apart from David Hookes who thought that it should only go one day) - or that the Aussies would press on to an innings of record proportions. As it was, only New Zealand have ever scored lower in their first innings against Bangladesh - India made 429, Zimbabwe 457, Pakistan 546-3, Sri Lanka 555-5 (and Shep wasn't even there), New Zealand a paltry 365-9, South Africa 529-4 and the West Indies 536.
In the end, Australia won the game comfortably enough by an innings and 132 runs with all the Aussie bowlers bagging up - even Brett picked up four in the game, but it was the fearsome Nottinghamshire twirly Stuart MacGill who claimed the lion's share with match figures of 7-86.
Glenn McGrath moved a little closer to Shaun Pollock at the top of the PWC bowler ratings as the teams move on to Cairns for the second test which starts this Friday, and the Bangladeshi skipper, Khaled Mahmud, is up for it. "When we first came here, we had fears of the mighty Australians - but now we have got rid of them." he said. "At least we won't give up before the game starts". Martin Love was unavailable for comment.
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Independent arbitration of the dispute between Cricket Australia and the ACA (Australian Chemists Association) has been determined in favour of the latter. The ruling opens the door for Shane Warne to play in charity or testimonial games despite his 12 month ban for matters not entirely unrelated to 'substance abuse'.
In other news, the second test between Australia and Bangladesh has been renamed 'The Second Crocodile Dundee Bush Tucker Man Top End Tour Benevolent Charity Test' with all benefits going to tired old Australian cliches - and Shane's in.
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Nasser Hussain stated in an English (chuckle) 'newspaper' this weekend that he is now ready to step down from the captaincy and hand it over to Michael Vaughan. Speaking in the News of the World, Hussain said "I want to step down while England are still winning." - which will be a first for ANY England captain since WG Grace. Better make it before Thursday then, Nasser, just to be on the safe side.
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Our Eastern European correspondent, Krakin Slypkatch, rang me earlier in the week with news from the inaugural Velden Sixes international six-a-side cricket tournament. I asked him where he was and he said "Latschach". Such dedication, covering a tournament for Cricket Web when he has such a bad cold.
Anyway, Ljubljana emerged victorious over Lazio in the final, so the mighty Slovenians take the Ovedasso-Casinogastromie Cup back across the Karawanke to their homeland. Or rather, they don't. The trophy remains in Velden until someone wins it three times. What's up - don't they trust them?
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The mighty Canadians have won the Under-19s World Cup qualifying Americas Tournament this week, edging out Bermuda in the final game in Toronto by just 1 run. Soon, the cricketing world will echo to the names of the Bastiampillai brothers (Trevin and Gavin), Umar Bhatti, the wonderfully named Qazi (flushed with success, no doubt) and, er, Jon Roberts.
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Twenty20 took Trent Bridge by storm on Saturday, with Surrey eventually emerging victorious over Warwickshire in a one-sided final. What was expected to be a batting extravaganza beforehand soon turned into a war of attrition as bowler after bowler revelled in the unexpected seamer-friendly conditions - similar in fact to the conditions which prevailed for the NatWest Series game between England and Zimbabwe at the same venue last month.
Funnily enough, two days later, Nottinghamshire hosted a game against Hampshire in the National Cricket League - Notts made 249-6 and the Hawks edged them out off the last ball with just 4 wickets down - a game played under lights and with quite a heavy cloud cover. No, I can't work it out either.
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Lance Klusener still plans to go ahead with his legal action against the South African Cricket Board for 'unfair dismissal' (see Asoka de Silva references passim). Speaking in You magazine, Klusener said "Some people might think it's sour grapes, but that's not true at all." Klusener added "I hate being around lots of people." Well, it looks very unlikely that he's going to be around many international cricketers in future, so that's all right then.
I was going to come up with some frightfully witty line about WG Grace's descendents suing the MCC for dropping the bearded one back in 1899 and claiming 104 years back-pay, but then I discovered that Morny Grace, the widow of WG's great grandson, threatened to complain to Lord's about a gay cricket team for calling themselves 'The Graces' a couple of years ago so this story can now safely be filed under the 'More than likely' section.
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Whilst on the subject of the law and cricket, the latest amazing story to come out of Pakistan's law courts is that Wasim Akram has been summoned to appear before the court in Lahore for damaging Muslim sensitivities over his appearance in an Indian liquor advertisement.
I'm not touching that story with a ten foot pole.
In other news, an Australian court has summoned the whole of the current Baggy Green squad to appear next week for damaging the nation's sensitivities over the fact that none of the current side have appeared in a liquor advertisement for at least a fortnight.
Mr Stanislaw Ronkowski, a 10 foot tall docker from Gdansk, said "What am I doing in this story? I don't even LIKE cricket."
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Clarkewatch - Twenty20 Special
Venue : Trent Bridge
Event : Semi-final v Gloucestershire
Bowling
Adam Hollioake thought better of introducing our man into the attack
Fielding
Managed to avoid getting involved with the fielding too much
Batting
A promising start, a flat-batted four over midwicket off the bowling of Jonathan Lewis was the undoubted highlight. His dismissal, however, owes much to the impetuosity of youth and the rest to just being plain rubbish. Looking for quick runs, his charge down the wicket to Mark Hardinges and subsequent stumping by half the length of the pitch was well worth the admission fee.
Clarkewatch - Twenty20 Special
Venue : Trent Bridge
Event : Final v Warwickshire
Bowling
No wickets, but a sustained spell of rib-ticklers kept the Warwickshire batsmen on their toes. Just 20 runs conceded in 4 overs and well worth his place in the side
Fielding
A straightforward catch to get rid of Ian Bell was the highlight of a more than competent fielding display which also included a couple of good stops in the gulley.
Batting
Ready and willing to pick up the willow and carry his side over the finishing line, glory-hunter Mark Ramprakash beat Rikki to the laurel wreath by barging him out of the way and racing to the middle before clubbing a hostile Nick Knight through the covers - a feat he then repeated with the ball.
Tournament summary
Not too bad - a creditable 3.9 on the Rikkiter scale (including winners bonus) - strong enough to rattle the spirit glasses on the top shelf in the neighbouring Trent Bridge Inn. I am reliably informed that a dart fell out of the board too.
Season to date
The Clarke star continues to rise - the seasonal average now stands at a lifetime-best budgie-silencing 3.2.
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Alec Stewart's decision to hang up his gloves and retire from international cricket at the end of this season is nothing to do with his age. Stewart, 78, said "There is no truth whatsoever in the rumour that I'm beginning to struggle with the pace of the international game. After all, my father, whatever his name is, Stewart something, was still playing for Surrey well after his 84th birthday."
Stewart's sponsors, Sanatogen, are more than keen to continue their involvement with Alec. A spokesman for the company said "However, if he does finally retire, we are hardly likely to go bust - after all, Devon Malcolm is still playing - and we are currently in negotiations with Steve Waugh regarding a new 'Captain's Strength' capsule."
Stewart told the England selectors of his decision this morning over a breakfast of milky tea and dippy eggs before spending the morning looking for his left slipper. He plans to spend the remainder of the day wandering aimlessly around his allotment talking to his wheelbarrow and saying "In my day" a lot.
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We all appreciate that cricket is a game of contrasts - some days a bowler can run up and turn his arm over and the wickets just tumble, then there are the all-too-frequent occasions when Shoaib er, sorry, when everything goes pear-shaped.
It's the same with batting - look at Ed Smith. Sometimes he's hard pushed to get the ball off the square, sometimes it's July 2003 and he refuses to deal in scores under three figures.
One man who sums up the extremes of county cricket perfectly is Sussex's Matthew Prior. OK, his career batting averages aren't much to write home about - 29 in first class cricket and just 9 in limited overs stuff - but this season, the difference in his averages between the two forms of the game defy belief.
In the current championship campaign (Sussex are flying in division one), Matt is averaging a healthy 41.6 with a top score of 133. Contrast that with his form in the Mickey Mouse game - in the C&G Trophy he averaged a stunning 1.5, but even that pales into insignificance when you look at the National Cricket League (Sussex are vying with Somerset for the bottom spot in division two).
Recently, Matt made his highest score of the season in the competition (2) and in the process elevated his average from 0.25 to a staggering 0.6 - progress indeed. Earlier in the season, Prior managed the following sequence : First baller against Northants, first baller against Middlesex, first baller against Somerset - the world's first 'Matt trick'.
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Clarkewatch, Dateline 23 July, 2003
Venue : Guildford, Surrey
Event : Frizzell County Championship Division 1, Surrey v Middlesex
Batting
Coming in with title-chasers Surrey 4 down and with just 126 on the board, Rikki watched in horror as slugger Ally Brown thought better of spending a hot, sweaty afternoon in the middle and left our man to get on with things.
Rikki totally dominated a sixth wicket partnership of 79 with England (snigger) all-rounder Alex Tudor before going on to register his side's highest score. His 85 contained no less than 13 boundaries - and they can't all be explained as 'edges through the slips', 'overthrows' or 'really leg-byes'
Match summary and season to date
Rikki's average in the Championship still stands at a mind-boggling 83 or so this season - the resultant shift in the Surrey/Hampshire tectonic plate caused a Clarkequake of almost Biblical proportions. Measuring 5.2 on the Rikkiter scale, it cracked the surface of the A3 near Gibbet Hill and sent the smaller rabbits scurrying for cover. Further south, the beach at East Wittering was inundated by a small tsunami causing irreparable damage to three sandcastles.
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Clarkewatch, Dateline 24 July, 2003
Venue : Guildford, Surrey
Event : Frizzell County Championship Division 1, Surrey v Middlesex
Bowling
If ever the population of San Francisco get particularly nervous about the San Andreas fault in the forseeable future, all they have to do is throw a ball to Rikki and ask him to turn his arm over.
The tremors which rocked Southern England today were down to diminutive singer Little Jimmy Ormond who bagged Hutton, Joyce and Weekes for his first-ever hat-trick.
Rikki, on the other hand, felt the wrath of, well, everybody I suppose, being clattered around the park and ending with 0-74 off 17.
The pens barely flickered.
Chaos Theory suggests that the beating of a butterfly's wings could cause a hurricane. Clarke's 1.2 rating today only disturbed a couple of ladybirds but no butterflies.
I suppose South Carolina's safe for a few days yet.
Posted by Eddie