Brian's 501 remembered

The next day, Brian Lara achieved immortality by registering the first quintruple-century in the history of first-class cricket when he walloped a boundary off the terrifying John Morris, a man feared by batsmen the world over with a Tiger Moth in his hand (look it up, guys).

Durham wicketkeeper Scott went into the history books too - the most expensive dropped catch of all time. Lara was on 18 at the time. Just six runs prior to the dropped catch, he had been bowled off a no-ball too.

The supporters of Durham County Cricket Club no longer celebrate Guy Fawkes' Night on November 5th. Instead, they make an annual pilgrimage to Edgbaston every June to burn effigies of Scott.

Last year was the first time in a decade that the celebration had to be cancelled. The bus driver, relying purely on Steve Harmison's radar for navigational guidance, took them to Old Trafford.

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(DD) Our special guest today on Cricket Web is a man who played nine test matches for England, and who has brought that vast experience into the world of the media - none other than Accrington's favourite son, David Lloyd. He's taken a few moments out of the commentary box here at Chester-le-Street to talk to his vast army of fan.

(Bumble) Thanks, Ducky.I must say it's very nice to be here. As you so rightly say, I have a lot of fans who

(DD) (interrupts) Fan, David, singular. It's not a typo.

(Bumble) Yes, I've heard about your, er, bizarre sense of humour. Anyway, I received an email this morning - isn't modern technology wonderful? - from Mrs Gladys Sputum from Eccles - that's a smashing sounding place isn't it? Eccles, Lancashire. I love Eccles cakes, me. In fact, a couple of days ago I went down to Sainsbury's and, do you know, they 'ad Eccles cakes on special offer. My budgerigar, Moley, he loves Eccles cakes. I break them into little crumbs - he likes the currants, you know.

(DD) Can we talk about your test double hundred?

(Bumble) I saw Moley take a fabulous catch once - one handed, diving, Andy Moles of Warwickshire, good player, top bloke, not my budgie...

(DD) (interrupts) Edgbaston, 1974?

(Bumble) Oh yes. Day 1 was the best day. We didn't play at all - it rained the whole time. I went up to the Radio 4 studio to talk to John Arlott, Bearders, Jonners, all that crowd, top blokes. I think that's the moment when I knew just what I was going to do when I finished playing. They 'ad Chorley cakes, I remember. Chorley - that's a smashing sounding place, isn't it? Chorley, Lancashire. I love Chorley cakes, me. In fact, a couple...

(DD) (interrupts) Against India?

(Bumble) Oh yes. Day 2. We bowled 'em out for a 'undred and summat. Hendrick - him from Derbyshire gorra few, I remember. Bowled 'em out round about tea. Can't remember what cakes we had, but we 'ad pork pie - one of them with a big, pastry rose on the top. Lovely. Anyway, Abid Ali and Solkar opened t' bowling for India. They were rubbish, weren't they? Food 'n' drink. Top blokes, though. Anyway, Bedi bowled 'undreds of overs. He come lollipopping in, soft as grease. Good bowler, though. Top bloke.

(DD) So you didn't rate Abid Ali, then?

(Bumble) What? He's not here, is he? 'Ave you gone and set me up? It's not 'This is Your Life', is it? I'll kill Botham when I see 'im. Did you see Accrington Stanley's on the way back? Played for them, I did.

(DD) 214? Against India?

(Bumble) Did you? That's a terrific innings, that is. I seem to recall getting a good score against them too. Edgbaston, 1974. I 'ad Chorley cakes.

(DD) David, this is your...

(Bumble) (interrupts) See, I told you. Where's that bloke with the red book? I'll murder Botham, I will. Hey, I saw some youngsters playin' cricket on the car park a bit ago. Crackin' young batsman, there was. That's what we want, youngsters in the side. If they're good enough, they're old enough. Gerrem in t' side.

(DD) This is your first time at a test match in Chester-le-Street. How did you find it?

(Bumble) Well, I just popped over on the M62 and then up the M1.

(DD) I've just heard that Bob Willis is looking for you.

(Bumble) Is he? Top bloke, Willis. Have you seen his hair? Looks like a girl.

(DD) David Lloyd, thanks for spending a little of your valuable time with us. Next week, we hope to....

(Bumble) Is that it?

(DD) Thanks, David

(Bumble) They said there'd be cakes. Chorley cakes or Eccles cakes...

(DD) You ate them all. Next week, Ian Botham will be speaking about cakes - sorry, Nasser Hussain and his relationship with ...

(Bumble) I'll be off then, seeing as there's no cakes.

(DD) his relationship with Rasputin and previewing his new advertisement for Shredded Wheat, so until then... David. Leave those wires alone. That's a camera, not a cake (click).

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My good friends at Hampshire County Cricket Club tell me that they are holding a special luncheon at the Rose Bowl on July 1st. Amongst the guests are Wasim Akram, Matthew le Tissier and, of course, Shane Warne. Stick to drinking bitter, Warnie. The Pils is a bit dodgy.

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An apology......

The vast quantity of Chorley and Eccles cakes which were procured at great expense by this website for the purpose of keeping David Lloyd in one place for more than five minutes were not actually consumed by Mr Lloyd during the earlier interview, but were stolen beforehand.

Devil Ducky and CricketWeb Inc. would like to apologise for giving the impression that the former England and Lancashire opening bat is a one-dimensional character overly obsessed with Lancastrian cakes.

He is also quite interested in red roses, Dewlay's crumbly Lancashire cheese, Everton mints, making frequent and obscure references to 'Coronation Street' in his commentaries, Lancashire hot-pot and the 'Twopenny Falls' machines which you get at Blackpool.

Recent discoveries which have come to light have led me to believe that the blame for the cake theft lies elsewhere, but you can rest assured that the perpetrator of the heinous crime will be brought to justice. Oh yes!


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Steve Waugh has had the honour 'Officer of the Order of Australia' bestowed upon him by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to mark a lifetime of achievement.

Waugh has presided over an Australian side who have enjoyed a period of supremacy in games over England not seen since the days of the previous captain. It is reported that the Queen passed on the best wishes of the current England side, saying "The ECB would like to wish you all the best for the future, and when the time comes, a long and happy retirement. Just make sure it's before June 2005".

A royal stipend comes with the title. In addition, Steve receives a surfboard, a monthly pension of four crates of the lager of his choice, the right to free bus travel throughout the county of Kent (weekdays only) and a sledge.

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All Australia's 199 living test cricketers are to be presented with a commemorative baggy green cap at a special Barbie in Sydney on Wednesday (tomorrow). Australia's oldest living test player, Bill Brown (90, number 150 on the list) said "I'm really looking forward to it. We're having ribs."

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As reported in this column recently, a number of items went missing from the Australian team last month as they were en-route from Trinidad to Grenada. Acting on a tip, the Trinidad police raided the home of a local taxi driver and recovered some, but not all, of the missing items. Police are still searching for Glenn McGrath's charm and the team's winning streak.

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After a meeting at the Zimbabwean team hotel in Durham last Sunday, team manager Babu Meman announced that Mark Vermeulan had been sent home from the tour following what he called 'persistent misconduct'.

Team coach Geoff Marsh explained: "There is no truth in the rumour that internal politics had anything to do with it. Drawing a moustache on a portrait of His Royal Excellency Lord Mugabe does not by itself constitute a treasonable offence.

"There are other issues at stake here. Take the World Cup. He quite flagrantly suffered a fractured skull, in direct contravention of team orders, in order to avoid playing against New Zealand.

"This time, though, he has gone too far. He was a member of the team, and as such should have travelled back to the hotel with the rest of the side on Friday. We were ready to leave, but he was nowhere to be found. Luckily, a trail of cake crumbs led us right to him."


Posted by Eddie